Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

[Nmiddleofnowhere]

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

I love my heated clothes aired- game changer!!

It wouldn’t cross my mind to ask, or tell, my husband if I was going to spend £40 of my own money on something for the house - so long as I meet my financial obligations, it’s none of his business what I spend my money on.

£40 isn't a lot if it's for the house then I don't see the problem of it coming out the joint account as long as all bills etc are paid for the month

My partner and I would both be annoyed if either of us spent ~£30+ on something for the house or if it was bigger than a shoe box without talking it through

Dear Lord...

I couldn't live like this.

He's right. £40 for a heated airer is a great price and they are ridiculously useful for drying delicates and wooly jumpers in the winter.

Sounds absolutely joyless.

Unless it is this one, he is lying about how much it cost.

https://www.dunelm.com/product/heated-ladder-airer-1000202659?defaultSkuId=30767360

I would rather be single!

You are over reacting and it does sound controlling, it’s a good purchase, saves on the drying and heating and they keep the room lovely and warm, kills two birds with one stone.

I had a heated airer and it was a bit crap. It dried the bits of clothes that were touching the bars that were hot but not the whole item of clothing unless you literally draped about four things over the whole thing which is impractical. Waste of money!

I think that's quite a sensible purchase, to be honest, and with it only being £40 I couldn't bring myself to get worked up about it, never mind to make a thread about it.

It'll be crap and/or tiny if it was only £40 so I'd be a bit pissed off. I'd rather my husband spent £40 on two beautiful coffee mugs than a piece of crap. As it is, he nevers buys anything whereas I have to rein myself in but he never says anything. Well, he buys me flowers so I'm know I'm lucky all round.

Agreed.

Unless you are on a very tight budget and he spent £30/40 on a video game or something.

YABU.

This. You're being controlling

after reading your updates I think I’d be annoyed too. Not because of the money but because size and where to put it! In our house we’d chat about about larger items!

First you say it's £40 and you need that money for other things.

Then you say it's not about the £40 but about him speaking with you first before buying anything for the house.

THEN you say it's not actually about buying the thing but about deciding what to do with something old before buying something new.

The goalposts keep moving and it's obvious it isn't about any one rational reason. You're controlling and just don't like that he did something like this without your go-ahead.

This sounds so miserable.

That’s got fuck all to do with such a controlling relationship though.