AIBU sleeping arrangement

[strawberrylemons]

I’m visiting my parents this weekend, as are my 2 sisters (we’re all adults 23,29 and 32). I’m bringing my husband, sisters are going alone. I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with twins, this is relevant.
all the bedrooms have a single bed in them, prior to pregnancy id just share with my husband and we’d have a bad nights sleep but get over it. Now im pregnant sleeping is a bit more uncomfortable and I need a pillow under my belly etc. so someone has to sleep on the sofa. I can’t make hubby sleep on the sofa because the living room is the walk way through to the kitchen so he’d have no privacy. So the options are for pregnant me or my sisters to go on the sofa. I’ve asked both my sisters if they’d give their bed up for me, they’ve both said no. My one sister even had a tantrum over it and said she just won’t visit if I’m going to take “her” bed (bear in mind she hasn’t lived at my parents house for 7 years).
I’m feeling a little disappointed in my sisters and that they wouldn’t let their pregnant sister have a bed for a weekend. My parents have offered their bed to my husband and I as a result but it doesn’t seem fair as they are both older and need the bed too.
Am I being unreasonable expecting someone to give up a bed for me? I would never ask at any other time in my life, it’s just one weekend during my pregnancy.

Is there a cultural difference going on here? I can't see any of my family having this 'guest' thing about a married in husband but my friends family would and she's from an Indian family.

It is a chat forum after all, not a court room.

Yabu. I had this recently and insisted we get a hotel. It isn't fair on older people to decend on their home and overwhelm it. A cheap hotel is the answer, but you object to that due to the cost. But you chose to get pregnant, your sisters have done nothing wrong? Why should they be inconvenienced by your choices?

FGS, stop calling him hubby, for starters. Does anyone use this word in real life?

Would you genuinely be more comfortable if you slept in your BIL’s childhood single bed while he slept on the sofa, because he travelled back to his parents to visit a very I’ll relative?

@Redhotspicywine

The OP has been asked a few times whether there is a cultural issue and she hasn’t answered. I’m assuming that there is because this whole husband as a guest vs family thing seems unusual to me, along with the idea that DH needs privacy and the OP’s insistence that either she or a sister sleep on the sofa instead of her DH. Prioritising male comfort over her own or her sisters’ seems very much like something cultural.

I get that the rooms are small, i have a 3 bed with a box room but it would still fit an air mattress in there- i also built my 2 older kids bedrooms in summer houses (smaller than the box room) and DS has sleep overs and can fit an air mattress in- we have to take out his computer chair and lay the mattress diagonally but it just about fits.

I don’t think it’s cultural. I’m white and my parents treat my DH like a guest, as they would aunties, etc etc. The house is in “guest mode”—ie nobody walking around in underwear or doing any other habits that you do in private.

We do the same when my parents come for a week at Christmas—meals are more upscale, the fancy glasses come out for drinks, the wedding serve ware is used, etc. (Not just Christmas Day, but for the entire visit—we would do the same any other time of year.)

Husband on sofa
he can wear night wear
what is the problem ?
or leave him at home

That's quite a drip feed that you are taking your dogs with you too - note the plural not just one dog.

Took until page 19 ? before you mentioned your dogs

before that it was the dog needs to be let out in the morning etc.

So as these are your dogs

Why can't the limp lettuce / prince of a man who clearly sleeps naked and wanks all night and needs to go to bed by 10 pm to get a full 8+ hours sleep and not get disturbed by the dog going out early

sleep on the sofa bed ?

rather than the above, you will be the martyr and sleep on the sofa whilst pregnant with twins...

Why can’t you take a camp bed?

I think DH should sleep on the sofa, no need for anyone to move out of their bedrooms.

YABU to say your DH can’t sleep on the sofa. That is silly. You’re requiring one of your sisters to give up her room in her parents’ house?

Smug married pseudo privilege. You need to get over yourself

@Two2TooAlsoToToward

I wouldn’t walk around in my underwear at my IL’s either, and my parents also wouldn’t walk around in underwear with my DH around. I also wouldn’t walk around in my underwear with my brother or my dad around so that’s a modesty thing rather than a guest thing. This is different to the OP’s husband being elevated to guest status meaning a sister would give up a bedroom so he can have a bedroom of his own.

Get a hotel room.

I don’t think you are unreasonable OP, I slept at some point of my life in a single bed with DH for quite some time - no way it’s doable when pregnant with twins.
I understand what you are saying about privacy for DH as he is a guest. I actually think that you both going into your parents room is the best solution. Ime hosts are always the last to go to bed and the first who are out of bed.
I would put DH on washing/ cleaning/ cooking rota during the day as a compensation 🙂.

By the way I’m surprised how many people on MN live in big mansions. When we were house hunting most bedrooms didn’t have enough floor space to fit in an air bed. We personally only have enough space for it in a living room.

If the OPs husband does not at least try and insist that he takes the sofa, then I think he needs to lose the "good man" tag.

And to be honest, with twins on the way, you're both going to have to lose a lot of illusions about control, how other people "should behave" etc.

I KNOW you've said there's no space OP, but is there honestly not even 60cm width of floor? You don't need a full 90cm bedspace to be comfortable (in fact, when heavily pregnant I abandoned a hotel bed to press myself against a cold wall on a wood floor during a heatwave!).

It’s only a weekend - surely your husband would live too? He’s not even pregnant😀

Why don't you buy a good bed height air bed and you sleep on that in the living room?

“I would put DH on washing/ cleaning/ cooking rota during the day as a compensation”

But the whole logic of this was that he’s a guest - would you really put a guest on cleaning/cooking rota?

I still (and I've read all your posts) don't understand why your husband would let you sleep on a sofa. I know you've said it's your preference that he takes the bed but most decent men would flat out refuse.

I also think the ill relative scenario is very relevant. Out of everyone staying in the house it’s going to be less stressful for your husband than anyone else so to be that’s another reason he should be the one having the least ideal bed set up!

I think its reasonable to assume a 4 bedroom house would fit a single airbed somewhere. The layout of this particular bungalow is odd. Multiple bedrooms that fit nothing but a single bed is very unusual. Its not a mumsnet is posh issue.

YABU.

Your husband is family and can sleep on the sofa. (Or in a tent in the garden, or on your bedroom floor in a sleeping bag).
He doesn't even know about this and probably won't have an issue with sleeping on the sofa, so you are making a drama with your sisters for no reason.

I can't believe the amount of posters who think you are unreasonable. You're pregnant with twins ffs. Your sister is a split brat, your parents are lovely and I think your husband can be easily on the sofa.