AIBU sleeping arrangement

[strawberrylemons]

I’m visiting my parents this weekend, as are my 2 sisters (we’re all adults 23,29 and 32). I’m bringing my husband, sisters are going alone. I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with twins, this is relevant.
all the bedrooms have a single bed in them, prior to pregnancy id just share with my husband and we’d have a bad nights sleep but get over it. Now im pregnant sleeping is a bit more uncomfortable and I need a pillow under my belly etc. so someone has to sleep on the sofa. I can’t make hubby sleep on the sofa because the living room is the walk way through to the kitchen so he’d have no privacy. So the options are for pregnant me or my sisters to go on the sofa. I’ve asked both my sisters if they’d give their bed up for me, they’ve both said no. My one sister even had a tantrum over it and said she just won’t visit if I’m going to take “her” bed (bear in mind she hasn’t lived at my parents house for 7 years).
I’m feeling a little disappointed in my sisters and that they wouldn’t let their pregnant sister have a bed for a weekend. My parents have offered their bed to my husband and I as a result but it doesn’t seem fair as they are both older and need the bed too.
Am I being unreasonable expecting someone to give up a bed for me? I would never ask at any other time in my life, it’s just one weekend during my pregnancy.

You're not asking people to give up a bed for you. You HAVE a bed.

OP has said her mum won't allow her DH to sleep on the sofa. My mother is the same.

This

“Husband doesn’t want to be asleep on the sofa when my mum walks through in the morning but if that happened with my sisters and I it wouldn’t mean anything because it’s our mum.”

Sorry, OP, but you’re making this an excuse. It wouldn’t worry me as MIL if any of my sons-IL were asleep in a sofa and I had to (drumroll) walk past them in the morning, and I doubt it would bother them, either. The bottom line is: three bedrooms, three sisters - you get one each, and it’s up to you how you choose to sleep in them. It’s not fair for you and DH to have two rooms and one of your sisters not to have a room. You seem obsessed with the fact that your DH is a “guest” - he’s not, he’s family. He will soon be the father of twins - how much more family can he be? I’m sure your DM has seen a sleeping man before, and that DH will cope with his MIL seeing him in his pyjamas. Just let him sleep on the sofa and be done with it.

For goodness sake it has nothing to do with materialism! The husband can sleep on the sofa, an airbed in the lounge on the floor next to his wife! Or use some
of his apparent inheritance to book a hotel
or renovate a camper van that they seem already to own. Why should a sister
in her own family home give up her bed to her brother in law? So he’s sleeping next to her knickers, books, personal medication, maybe even sex toys and love letters when there is absolutely no need for her to do so?

I'm curious, what is the room setup downstairs if it's a standard 3 bed house turned into 4 bed?
In my experience, a house with 2 double rooms and a box room upstairs would have 2 decent size receptions and a kitchen. Can you explain how it's not possible to screen off part of the downstairs to at least make whoever is sleeping on the sofa be out of sight?

What is the plan when the twins arrive? You know you should have them sleeping in the room with a parent while they're little?

My parents are the same too. Luckily, DM owns the house, so should be a capable woman in delegating where all of her guests sleep, rather than letting her daughters turn it into a bunfight.

I don’t get a choice re: sleeping arrangements chez my parents or DH’s parents—they choose where the guests sleep. Actually…I do get a choice: take it or leave it.

If he'd got on with renovating the camper he could have slept in there! 😆

There's a big difference between "would rather not but could be made to understand that this is obviously the best option" and "will not allow it and will kick us out!"

Or you could stop being a dramatic martyr and let your husband sleep on the sofa. From what you've said about him, he won't mind.

Well quite, this and the slightly opaque inheritance issues I imagine won’t be lost on the sisters!

He could sleep in the car. Not entirely joking... 🤣

The mothers objections weren't even mentioned until after several posts about how OP and her DH think he needs privacy more than her sisters do...

Wouldn’t the OP’s husband be embarrassed turfing her sister out of a bedroom and onto the sofa so he could have a bed? Mine would be mortified.

I'm team hotel just to be clear. Or go for the day. Or get a train. I was still commuting into London 8 months pregnant, as did everyone I work with

Hang on, is this some kind of cosplay Mumsnet Cinderella? OP will be asleep in the fire grate whilst her ugly sisters languish upstairs when her Prince Charming appears, fully rested, in a magically renovated camper van pumpkin to rescue her?

This! OP - you have a bed and you absolutely should be in it as a heavily pregnant woman.

Your husband needs to step up and find a solution. None of which should involve turfing his pregnant wife onto the sofa.

The whole “guest” thing doesn’t apply when everyone is family (elderly guests aside). There is a pecking order in terms of entitlement to comfort with those who are elderly and with medical needs at the top. Youre at the top in this instance followed by your parents (age and their home). Your sisters and your husband tie for bottom and, given he’s the one without a bed, he needs to make-shift.

If you go and say youre sleeping on the sofa, one of your sisters will 100% step up and give you their bed. But the point is it will not be because they feel guilt & have realised the (perceived) error of their ways. It will be because they finally realise that your able-bodied husband is actually going to let his pregnant wife sleep on a sofa so he can be like Little Lord Fauntleroy in his own room.

Surely your DH wouldn't let you give up your bed to him whilst you sleep on the sofa?

I mean do that if you want to .. but its odd that you say you were used to giving up your bed when your mum used to kick you out so that her sister could have your bed when Apparently your sisters have never had to do this.. or if they did, do not feel as obliged as you do to give up your comfort for others.

But Dear @strawberrylemons sorry to labour the point, and for the pun, but you are pregnant with twins, having had a five hour drive to get there. This is the one time in your life when you should put your own comfort above that of others.
You know quite well that you would put them first if the situation was reversed.

It comes across to me that you are used to being the most accommodating person in this family. That you are trained to treat people "as a guest" because "its only polite" They don't seem to suffer from the same constraints.

It may go against the grain but you need to start being polite to yourself and treating yourself as a guest because it seems the rest of your family already do that for themselves. You are in danger of being overly obliging or giving in to others and you can get forgotten in the process.
That matters because when you have your babies, you will have to be firm about sticking to your priorities and making sure that they come first whatever anyone else says, which is harder if you are not used to occasionally putting yourself first.

Here are your options as I see it:
you on the sofa
your DH on the sofa
or you just don't go at all
Your sisters are not going to budge, whether you agree with them or not, so you're going to have to pick one of the 3 options above
No amount of back and fore on this thread will change your sisters' desire to be in their own room rather than give it up for the circumstances.

Your husband 100% takes the sofa in this situation. It’s normal for guests. Plus your sisters are far more vulnerable if your DH walks through than the other way round. What about their privacy? Women are more vulnerable than men, it’s not the same thing. And even if it was - why does your husbands matter more? Why should they leave their beds for this? You sound really dramatic.

It’s a bungalow, I didn’t think that detail was important as I didn’t think people would assume I’m lying about the bedrooms and that you would all require so much information rather than just believing that the rooms are small 😂
the living room is open plan with a dining room and kitchen, the access to the garden is through there plus access to the small toilet. Do you need more detail? Is that enough to believe me?

what are you talking about when the twins arrive? Don’t be so rude, I’m not an idiot. I have my own house, I don’t live with my parents? The small bedroom issue is only at my parents house

You're the one being rude!! She was clearly saying that you won't be able to visit your parents if none of the bedrooms have room for a cot as well as a bed.

This whole thread stinks of but Meee I'm special! And it hasn't gone the way you expected. No wonder your sisters find you irritating.

Oh yeah I know this. It’s really not that deep in real
life, it’s the mums on here that are more upset about the situation 😂 i was a bit miffed that my sisters weren’t kinder but it’s really touched a nerve with some people here. I think the mums here are more invested in this than I am. I’m only replying because I’m killing some time before we leave lol

I genuinely don’t think I can explain this to you. If you come from a non-Western culture, giving up your space for guests is completely normal.

And if she moved out seven years ago but still chooses to keep her sex toys at her parents’ house, then sorry, but that is genuinely creepy. At that point, it’s not just “her stuff” — it’s bizarre that she apparently thinks her parents’ home is still an appropriate place to store intimate items after all these years.

OP, for goodness sake, please stop framing this as someone giving up a bed "for you". That is clearly not how your sisters see it and I would agree with them.

As the single one in my family, I am well used to being the one to sleep on sofas/blow-up beds/wherever. However, in this situation, there is no way I would be giving up my bed in my childhood home for my BIL. Of course i would for my pregnant sister, but not my BIL and this is the situation presented here. He is a grown man and all the reasons you give here do not exempt him from kipping on the sofa for a few nights.

If that really is too much for him, then the only solution is he drives you up, drops you off and drives home. Then picks you up the next weekend. A ten hour drive isn't great, but it's not impossible, unlike all the other solutions that have been suggested here.