AIBU sleeping arrangement

[strawberrylemons]

I’m visiting my parents this weekend, as are my 2 sisters (we’re all adults 23,29 and 32). I’m bringing my husband, sisters are going alone. I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with twins, this is relevant.
all the bedrooms have a single bed in them, prior to pregnancy id just share with my husband and we’d have a bad nights sleep but get over it. Now im pregnant sleeping is a bit more uncomfortable and I need a pillow under my belly etc. so someone has to sleep on the sofa. I can’t make hubby sleep on the sofa because the living room is the walk way through to the kitchen so he’d have no privacy. So the options are for pregnant me or my sisters to go on the sofa. I’ve asked both my sisters if they’d give their bed up for me, they’ve both said no. My one sister even had a tantrum over it and said she just won’t visit if I’m going to take “her” bed (bear in mind she hasn’t lived at my parents house for 7 years).
I’m feeling a little disappointed in my sisters and that they wouldn’t let their pregnant sister have a bed for a weekend. My parents have offered their bed to my husband and I as a result but it doesn’t seem fair as they are both older and need the bed too.
Am I being unreasonable expecting someone to give up a bed for me? I would never ask at any other time in my life, it’s just one weekend during my pregnancy.

But then she wouldn't be able to complain that her sisters forced her to sleep on the sofa when she was 20 weeks pregnant.

What did parents expect the sleeping arrangements to be when they invited more people to stay than they had room for? Honestly I always say "we'd love to have you all that wknd, will you be ok with DD on floor in your room? And DS sharing with his cousin?" If they'd assumed at that point OPs sister would be sleeping on a sofa then they really should have said so.

People often get a bit princessy with first babies, and grandparents can be the same, which may already be putting sisters's noses out of joint. I remember being asked to sleep on the floor of my parents bedroom so that my sister could have a separate room to her first baby (and their first grandchild) as it disturbed her sleep to share with him. I stayed in a hotel instead.

Dear @strawberrylemons
I mean this kindly. But give your head a wobble.
Stop worrying about politeness.

• You are in late stages of pregnancy WITH TWINS,
• its a FIVE HOUR DRIVE
• you have been feeling unwell.
• you need your husband there to help you and to drive you.

For heaven's sake, book an airbnb. Both you and your husband are going to need all the sleep you can get with twins on the way... but you in particular.

Your sisters sound terribly selfish and this nonsense is stressing you out at a time when you should be relaxing and chilling and resting as much as possible.

If you can't afford an airbnb, stay at home in comfort and rest rest rest, because soon you won't have much time to. Let them all kick off if they have to, you have a cast iron excuse not to travel .

I wouldn't like to be five hours away from my hospital at this stage.

edited to add. Sorry I assumed it was late pregnancy but in any case you've been poorly and its twins, I remember feeling crap and uncomfortable with just one kicking whopper but I'd expect it to be twice as tiring with twins.

😂 that’s why we have no money!! If you read the post you’d see I said that the house needs to be ready for the babies, it is not suitable for children, it’s part of the reason why we have no money because the money is going on the house.

if I could afford a hotel I would stay in one. We wanted to go on one last holiday together just the two of us this year but decided it was better to put the money into mat leave and the house because our babies are more important than our comfort and us having a nice time.

if I booked a hotel and the complained I had no money next year you’d slate me for that. There’s no winning here. I’m trying to do what’s right by not spending unnecessary money and while there’s a home to stay in, of course I’ll go there over a hotel!

Your husband should let you have the bed and he can sleep anywhere else, sofa, tent in garden, mattress in a different room, B&B etc etc.

Holy Moly! I haven't read the whole thread but I have read all of OP's posts and plenty of others, and I think that's given me the gist of where many posters are coming from.

I am shocked by how many people think basic common decency and hospitality are luxuries that childish selfishness and entitlement can't afford.

I can't believe anyone would think OP is being unreasonable, let alone this many of you.

WTAF you guys?! Of course one of the Not-Pregnant-With-Twins sisters should relinquish her bed. Of course OP's husband should be offered a bedroom. He is a guest. The sisters are staying in their own family home, there is a big difference.

Shaking my damn head.

I'd keep a quiet eye on the local selling pages and see if a twin bunk bed comes up for your room going forward ... it may solve problems when you visit having the extra bed space in there for sleeping.

Or tell your parents they will need to visit you going forward

Problems solved then surely?

Can you change dates and go a different time to your sisters?

Husband sleeps on sofa but tell him he's got to let the dog out at X time?

Or you go on your own by train.

Except that it is something you need to spend money on right now, if you're not up for your husband sleeping on your parents sofa.

Can you ask one of your sisters to sleep in your bed if their room is bigger and say you’ll bring an air mattress for the floor? Your sisters shouldn’t have to give up their privacy so that your DH can have privacy because you’re pregnant. If that isn’t an option then get a hotel. What does your DH say about sleeping on the sofa?

Why the fuck can't an adult female human without disabilities sleep on a sofa in her own parent's house for one weekend?

Why the fuck are these unknown sisters such precious, fragile flowers that some of you must suggest airbnbs and bunk beds and God knows what, instead of the obvious and simple solution? Unbelievable.

Although you suspected he'd put more money into his struggling company but he hadn't told you. Which might be part of the reason the house is taking so long and the camper van still isn't renovated as well as why there's no money for a cheap hotel so you can both be comfortable and no one is put out or feels awkward.

The fact you aren't involved jointly in finances that impact you as a family is rather concerning, let alone his propensity to start and not finish things.

Maybe read some of OPs replies as all this has been covered quite a bit

I always think it’s massively shitty when posters go back onto the OPs old posts! I have kids in private school- and this is used against me in numerous posts I’ve made- one about not being able to afford an 8k wedding abroad and another for a random bill of over 3k from a builder of ours trying it on. There logic is how can you afford that luxury and not have an unlimited budget for other things 🤣 ugh maybe because all my money is being spent elsewhere mate 🤣

You’ve not made him sound terrible. You’ve made him sound like a wet lettuce. Stop calling him a guest. He’s your husband. A son in law, a BIL, soon to be a Dad. He’s family! Not a guest you need to impress. Family all muck in and work with what they’ve got. Yes we get it it would be nice for him to have his own penthouse to retire to. But you said it yourself, you’re a normal family on a small semi.

Neither you or your parents will “let” him sleep on the sofa? Does he have no say in this?

I'm sorry, but you're being so unreasonable.

I can’t make hubby sleep on the sofa because the living room is the walk way through to the kitchen so he’d have no privacy.
But you can make one of your sisters give up THEIR privacy? Why do you think your sisters are less entitled to, or needy of, privacy than your husband is? In my world, women ALWAYS take priority when it comes to privacy. It should absolutely be your husband who goes on the sofa. That, or you need to bring an air mattress he can blow up and sleep on in your room, in the hallway...wherever he can squeeze in. But no, your sisters should not be on the sofa where you husband can walk in on them. No way. What kind of sister are you to think it's better for your husband to walk in on your sisters in night attire than the other way around?

So the options are for pregnant me or my sisters to go on the sofa.
Or, you could book a hotel nearby?

I’m feeling a little disappointed in my sisters and that they wouldn’t let their pregnant sister have a bed for a weekend.
You're being pretty manipulative right now. They are not denying their pregnant sister a bed, they are refusing to give up their dignity and privacy for your husband, because they are probably uncomfortable about the idea of being walked in on by your husband (a man they are not married to or related to) while they are in night dress.

My parents have offered their bed to my husband and I as a result but it doesn’t seem fair as they are both older and need the bed too.
It isn't. They keep their bed, you go to a hotel, bring an air mattress, or whatever. Or your husband stays at home - why doe she need to come? Your sister don't seem to be bringing men with them.

So there's a man who they all consider a guest, a visitor who they absolutely must not see sleeping. But the women must accept that this guest can walk in on them sleeping?
Where's the logic?

I actually did read the replies and the fact they don’t want to because of money. However I’d still make it work if I didn’t want to sleep on a sofa

You’re not asking them to give a bed up for you. You’re asking them to give the bed up for your husband.

Do your parents have a garden? Could your DH camp on an airbed in a tent in the garden? More privacy than the sofa and its relatively warm at night still.

I have twins and every time they tried to scan me I would pass out! I had to he scanned on my side only.

I think it can be relevant. It's not, as OP originally claimed, that they can't afford it, it's a CHOICE that she doesn't want to spend the money.

She herself says this problem is not that big a deal yet makes a thread about it, comes back frequently and has a pop at people making perfectly reasonable and understandable suggestions, then admits it's partly to do with her belief that one of her sisters is selfish and how she wants her DH to be treated in her and her sisters' family home. DH is apparently happy on the sofa but OP is not happy on his behalf. It's bizarre

OP, what I would suggest is that you have this sorted before you go on the visit. Don’t leave it until you get there. That has the potential to cause even more issues.

Go without your dh?