AIBU sleeping arrangement

[strawberrylemons]

I’m visiting my parents this weekend, as are my 2 sisters (we’re all adults 23,29 and 32). I’m bringing my husband, sisters are going alone. I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with twins, this is relevant.
all the bedrooms have a single bed in them, prior to pregnancy id just share with my husband and we’d have a bad nights sleep but get over it. Now im pregnant sleeping is a bit more uncomfortable and I need a pillow under my belly etc. so someone has to sleep on the sofa. I can’t make hubby sleep on the sofa because the living room is the walk way through to the kitchen so he’d have no privacy. So the options are for pregnant me or my sisters to go on the sofa. I’ve asked both my sisters if they’d give their bed up for me, they’ve both said no. My one sister even had a tantrum over it and said she just won’t visit if I’m going to take “her” bed (bear in mind she hasn’t lived at my parents house for 7 years).
I’m feeling a little disappointed in my sisters and that they wouldn’t let their pregnant sister have a bed for a weekend. My parents have offered their bed to my husband and I as a result but it doesn’t seem fair as they are both older and need the bed too.
Am I being unreasonable expecting someone to give up a bed for me? I would never ask at any other time in my life, it’s just one weekend during my pregnancy.

oh god, yes, absolutely awful. A grown man losing out on an hour or two of sleep one night of the year. 'Finally rest' - it's an evening in with his in laws, he's not collapsing exhausted after a 12 hour shift down the mine!

You might want to get a sense of proportion before the baby arrives OP, or you'll be stressed out of your wits at every cough.

I understand why it's more appropriate for your sisters to sleep on the sofa than your husband - it's about being at ease. My son used to sleep on the sofa when my mil came to stay, but she started getting up really early and sitting downstairs with him while he slept and he found it really uncomfortable because she entered our lives when he was 10 so he doesn't 'know' her well enough to be vulnerable and sleeping around her. Same applies to your husband in this scenario - it's just not comfortable. I don't mean, physically comfortable.

Your sisters are both being absolute arseholes given the fact you're pregnant with twins and your husband is more of a 'guest' than either of them. I'd just let the one saying 'well I won't come then' stay at home because she sounds like a particularly big arsehole.

You need your own bed. Your husband needs a room with a door on it. They're being twats. YANBU.

Go on the train.

Or get your DH to drive you there, have lunch/dinner, come home, and collect you again the following weekend so you have the week with family you’d originally planned.

Or spring for a hotel this time, as you will have to every time going forward.

This all smacks of main character energy now you are the very important married sister expecting the hallowed first grandchildren, who should be deferred to by the barren, unwed sisters.

In reality it means you should start problem solving like the adult soon to be parent you are.

Yes sorry I agree with this. There is no reason it should be your sisters and not your husband - especially as it is to accommodate you, his wife.

So it’s ok for your sisters to be uncomfortable but not your husband? Regardless off whether they still live there or not the bedrooms are their childhood bedrooms and beds, you’re not entitled to just take one of them. Your husband is the extra person so either he or you need to take the sofa…if you don’t think he should take it because he needs to go to bed early or whatever ridiculous excuse you’re making up this time, then pregnant or not you’re going to have to take the sofa.

The fact that people genuinely don’t think a sister should give up her bed and room for her pregnant sister is shocking. I would literally force my sister to take my bed, even if it meant I had to sleep on the floor.

OP has a bed though!! Giving up your bed and sleeping on the floor for your brother in law is hardly the norm.

It seems far too much fuss. Just don’t go.

In fairness to OP, it depends where her parents live. My parents live in a "popular seaside resort". It means that any times that we might want to visit (weekends, school hoilidays) accommodation costs are all stupid money. Yes, I could afford it but I'd rather sleep on the sofa and not spend the money.

Come on though, some b&bs or hotels can be £50. That’s not going to make or break whether you can take mat leave and surely you can make economies in other areas before then babies arrive? Have you even looked into this? If necessary get DH a single room in a nearby b&b.

Honestly sounds like you are better off visiting a different weekend.

Why should your sisters be put out for your DH? And no, it's not for you... its because you are too uppity to have DH sleep on sofa. Yes, it might be a walk-through - he can wear PJs.

I'd be embarrassed to be calling mh sisters selfish over this

You and H have the double bed, one parent sleeps in their own lounge and one sleeps in a single bed.

Looking at yours and your sister's ages, they are not in their 70s/80s - probably about my age (late 50s early 60s) I happily sleep on an airbed or the sofa when visiting DC so I am sure they can to help their pregnant daughter

Why the hell would someone spend money on a hotel when they have a family home they can stay in? The sheer selfishness of that attitude is honestly unbelievable.

And “sacrificing a night’s sleep” for your own pregnant sister isn’t some heroic act: it’s basic human decency.
Thank God you aren’t my sister. I would hate to discover that my own family couldn’t count on me for something as basic as a bed for one night.

This whole “getting pregnant is your responsibility, so why should I sacrifice anything?” attitude is pathetic. And the Mumsnet-style obsession with suffering; as if the more uncomfortable and miserable you make yourself, the better mother you are is just bizarre.

Family should be about helping each other when you can, not keeping score over who is inconvenienced. If giving up your bed for one night feels like some enormous personal sacrifice, I genuinely feel sorry for the people who have to rely on you.

Sleeping bag on the floor next to you. I appreciate there isn’t enough room for an airbed but surely he can squeeze himself in on the floor

She might stand on him when she gets up for a wee . . . .

No, my parents think my sisters should give up their bed actually, that was what my mum thought would happen before they refused…
My parents offered us their bedroom to save the drama, they don’t want me in the living room and they don’t want my husband in there for reasons I’ve already given 🙈
my hubby wouldn’t have me sleep on the sofa, it’s nothing to do with him, it my parents and I wanting guests to be comfortable (yeah he’s family but he’s married in so it is different). My mum used to kick me out of my room when her sister would stay over, I thought nothing of it it’s just polite 😂

I'd let your DH have a break and leave him at home, your family sounds like very hard work. I rarely take my DH to stay with my family,

What a gentleman… my husband would never have a woman sleep on a sofa so he can have a bed. That would be way more embarrassing to him than having to sleep in a common area.

Ok the 3 single bedrooms are too small for an additional air mattress. Can one of the single beds be moved into the living room for you to sleep on? So you sleep on a real bed, but in a communal space and your DH sleeps in the now empty box room, on an air mattress

Your sisters are selfish mares.

So your sisters don’t live there, and don’t own the house. It’s up to your DM to decide the sleeping arrangements. Just like when we all stay at my parents’, we get told what rooms we’re all staying in. Same when everyone goes to DH’s parents. 🤷‍♀️

I think therefore you’ve just all backed yourselves into a corner and even if you can resolve the bed situation, it’s going to be a crap weekend when someone feels wronged. Just graciously back out and go another time.

Incidentally this will keep happening if all
of you “won’t” do things- you “won’t”
let DH sleep on the sofa, your parents “won’t” let you sleep on a sofa, you “won’t” get a hotel, your sisters “won’t” let others sleep in their room. You’re going to find it very difficult to cope with twins and still maintain a good relationship with your family if everyone remains so inflexible.

Your pregnancy is a red herring here. Basically you want your sisters to give up their bed for your husband.

My parents offered us their bedroom to save the drama,

Well accept it then - they are hardly old and it would stop all the drama!!

stop being so entitled either:

1. leave the husband at home
2. husband sleeps on the sofa I’m sure he’s a big boy and will cope for the weekend
3. pay for a hotel

you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill! Why should people inconvenience themselves for your situation!

How awful you'd put your sisters on a sofa before your husband. Seriously ungentlemanly. Mine wouldn't consider letting someone else take it it over him.

What's he doing in his sleep that requires so much privacy. Wear pyjamas and he can change and do other stuff in your room.

Good lord, what a load of drama over absolutely nothing.

Either your DH sleeps on the sofa or he drives you down for a week, and comes back a week later. He can drive a 10 hour round trip, it won't kill him