AIBU sleeping arrangement

[strawberrylemons]

I’m visiting my parents this weekend, as are my 2 sisters (we’re all adults 23,29 and 32). I’m bringing my husband, sisters are going alone. I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with twins, this is relevant.
all the bedrooms have a single bed in them, prior to pregnancy id just share with my husband and we’d have a bad nights sleep but get over it. Now im pregnant sleeping is a bit more uncomfortable and I need a pillow under my belly etc. so someone has to sleep on the sofa. I can’t make hubby sleep on the sofa because the living room is the walk way through to the kitchen so he’d have no privacy. So the options are for pregnant me or my sisters to go on the sofa. I’ve asked both my sisters if they’d give their bed up for me, they’ve both said no. My one sister even had a tantrum over it and said she just won’t visit if I’m going to take “her” bed (bear in mind she hasn’t lived at my parents house for 7 years).
I’m feeling a little disappointed in my sisters and that they wouldn’t let their pregnant sister have a bed for a weekend. My parents have offered their bed to my husband and I as a result but it doesn’t seem fair as they are both older and need the bed too.
Am I being unreasonable expecting someone to give up a bed for me? I would never ask at any other time in my life, it’s just one weekend during my pregnancy.

It’s a 5 hour drive, so I can’t really ask that of him.

I don’t think it will be a fall out, I think it seems worse on here than it is in real life!

my mum and I have spoken about how it’s not practical, Im aware that once the babies are here we won’t be able to visit like we do now, it’s how life goes. Itll work out, im not too worried

its the only option. Husband on sofa if a cheap hotel isnt an option. Not sure why that is if you can afford to have kids?

Then stay in a hotel. You sound very entitled. Why should your sister sleep on the sofa?

If it’s causing this much of an issue already don’t you think it’s going to be a shit weekend? Why don’t you postpone and go another time? I personally felt a lot better after 20 weeks so you may be able to go alone as well.

Also just because you’d give your bed up, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong for your sisters to have a different boundary. It’s not just the bed- they might still have personal stuff, underwear, tablets, letters etc in the room. Personally I would really rather no one else sleeps in my bed, including my sister, and I’d rather not sleep in hers (in fact I’d probably prefer the sofa!!).

Do you have local friends that you could stay with? Or another relative?

Like PP have said, it will be very difficult to stay when your nuclear family go from two to four! That also doesn’t include all the things the babies will need!

I just find it really odd that you keep referring to your husband as a guest.

Surely your husband wont let his pregnant wife sleep on the sofa in his place??!

I would start looking at hotels or other options anyway as the house sounds too small for twin babies to be visiting. If it’s a 5 hour trip I’m guessing you’d be staying over when you visited so you’ll need to know somewhere to stay. 3 single rooms and a double is an odd layout but wouldn’t work as there’s nowhere to put cots or co sleep safely so hotel is only option anyway surely

I cannot believe the solution you have arrived at is you (heavily pregnant) sleeping on the sofa. Is your husband really ok with that?

If you were my sister, I would step up and offer you my bed at this point. But i would be utterly sickened by your husband’s childishness and selfishness.

I think the same will happen in your own family.

I think YABU. Your husband needs to take the hit here, obviously it’s not ideal but part of having a baby (or two!) is compromising your own comfort for your family and believe me once the babies arrive sleeping on a sofa for one night will not seem like the worst of it! He can sleep on the sofa and still keep his things in your room and use it as a place to “retreat” if things get too much during the day. It’s really not a huge deal if he’s woken by your family in the morning. It’s only one night.

i see a lot of people on here think my sisters would be giving up the bed for my husband but my parents wouldn’t have him sleep in the living room, so whatever happens he will always get my old room.

Your parents think a pregnant woman should sleep on a sofa rather than in a bed? Your sisters aside, surely DH wouldn't let that happen?

If someone is to make a change to accommodate your pregnancy it should probably be the person who got you pregnant.

This is mad seeing as your husband doesn't even seem to have an issue with it and you're falling out over an argument he's not asked you to have and is probably irrelevant.

Why aren’t your parents sorting out their ‘bed’ problems. This is not a one off situation as I would expect further visits where all three daughters attend. Put 2 x single beds into one bedroom for the sisters to share and someone buy a double bed for the other room. Of course I realise it relies on both spare bedrooms being large enough.

You sound lovely @strawberrylemons , really thoughtful and considerate. You’ll be an amazing mum 🙌.

Are these the first grandchildren? As your sisters sound jealous, and even if not, their behaviour is selfish and very twattish. I would do this in a heartbeat for my sis.

I think it may have to be a blow up bed in the living area for you and hope your sisters feel shame enough to offer up their bed, or your parents persuade them. How shameful of them both!

And I wouldn’t have been able to accommodate a DH at my childhood home either, and the sofa was impossible to sleep on, sooo old and uncomfortable!

He sleeps on the sofa, they are his in laws not strangers. Sleeping in someone’s living room was normal when I was younger

You have always known there is no room for an extra single mattress in any room.
You have always known the temperament of your two sisters and their inability to share.

Yet you still decided you would go and push the issue. It isn’t for your sisters to decide how to resolve this issue now that you can’t sleep with your husband in a single bed. It’s for you to quietly resolve before making arrangements to visit without making it into a difficult issue.

Doesn't this make your poor parents uncomfortable OP? Why on earth should they be faced with having to get a bigger house to accommodate you all, now you are all adults. What will happen when they all have chikdren. Will your parents be expected to provide for them all staying at the same time ?

Can’t you get a hotel room for one night or arrange to go see your parents when one of your sisters isn’t visiting, or can’t you sleep on the sofa … instead of making this into an issue ?

I was once meant to be staying with some family friends on holiday, we'd all contributed to the Airbnb and i was assured I'd be having a single bedroom. On arrival I was then told (not asked) that I'd be sleeping on the sofa because nobody else fancied not having a proper bedroom (not in so many words but that was the general gist) I was so pissed off I actually refused to stay in the house at all and stayed somewhere else that night. I was the only one not related to them and was absolutely not prepared to be in my pyjamas and have everyone gawping at me in the morning.

So yeah I get why you don't want DH to sleep down there. Your sisters are clearly not going to budge so either you sleep down there without any further discussion, or you and DH visit another time.

Op has a bed! Theres no need for her to sleep on a blow up bed in the living room other than being a martyr.
Jealous of OP’s unborn child is literally crazy given the only details we have about this scenario.

I mean if you can’t afford a hotel for one night, then you really are going to have a shock when realise how much twins cost.

Bit let’s be honest, the whole husband can’t sleep in the living room, no room fits an air mattress, can’t afford a hotel…. It’s all BS, you just want to vent on MN about your sisters & have everyone agree, I get it I’ve been pregnant 3 times, sometimes you just want people to be a little kinder you & your sisters aren’t being.

I’m going to start by saying I have a singleton then twins and the twin pregnancy was significantly more difficult and really quite uncomfortable by 20+ weeks.

However, you can’t reasonably expect people to give up a bed for you. As I see it you have 2 options:

1. your OH can sleep on sofa (presumably he is father of your twins, so this seems pretty reasonable)

2. you get a hotel nearby

OP, twins are going to be a shock to both you and your husband.
So honestly, don't be stressing about him so much.
Tiredness and discomfort are a real factor of the first couple of years.
Enjoy your last visit to your parents for what could easily be a while.
Ask your husband to suck it up is my advice.

why are people questioning what I can afford, I didn’t plan to have twins so making comments like that is unfair and unnecessary.
If someone said “I’m having twins next year but using the money to stay in a hotel” you’d slate them for that; there’s no winning.
I’m purposely not spending any money so I can have a year off for maternity leave. A hotel is not something I need to spend money on right now.

husband is coming because pregnancy symptoms has meant I’m too unwell to drive right now. I usually spend lots of time alone with my parents, it’s just a different situation right now

“Why does your husband need more privacy than your sister?” — Maybe because he’s not the one who grew up there and came out of their mother?

The fact that people genuinely don’t think a sister should give up her bed and room for her pregnant sister is shocking. I would literally force my sister to take my bed, even if it meant I had to sleep on the floor.

This whole “getting pregnant is your responsibility” and “why should I give up my space?” attitude is honestly disturbing. When did we become so selfish that family members are willing to treat each other worse than animals? It’s incredibly sad.

I think it’s fine for your husband to sleep on the sofa. You keep referring to him as a guest but actually he is family too.

I don’t know what privacy he needs while sleeping, I wouldn’t be fussed about sleeping on a sofa and my in laws walked through. If anything it’s your sisters who lose more probably - for getting changed your husband can go back to your room. If your sister is on the sofa, she has to change in the lounge.

Actually, bollocks, . You can afford a hotel. Your husband got an inheritance and you're using that to do up an old house. Don't tell me there isn't £200 for two nights for a cheap hotel

You can get a cheap hotel for a lot less than that. I just paid £85 for two rooms at a premier inn.

You want to have your cake and eat it.

If you’re taking a full year off for mat leave, you can afford a budget hotel; you are simply choosing not to spend your money on that.

You can’t expect others to sacrifice their sleep because of your financial choice !