AIBU sleeping arrangement

[strawberrylemons]

I’m visiting my parents this weekend, as are my 2 sisters (we’re all adults 23,29 and 32). I’m bringing my husband, sisters are going alone. I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with twins, this is relevant.
all the bedrooms have a single bed in them, prior to pregnancy id just share with my husband and we’d have a bad nights sleep but get over it. Now im pregnant sleeping is a bit more uncomfortable and I need a pillow under my belly etc. so someone has to sleep on the sofa. I can’t make hubby sleep on the sofa because the living room is the walk way through to the kitchen so he’d have no privacy. So the options are for pregnant me or my sisters to go on the sofa. I’ve asked both my sisters if they’d give their bed up for me, they’ve both said no. My one sister even had a tantrum over it and said she just won’t visit if I’m going to take “her” bed (bear in mind she hasn’t lived at my parents house for 7 years).
I’m feeling a little disappointed in my sisters and that they wouldn’t let their pregnant sister have a bed for a weekend. My parents have offered their bed to my husband and I as a result but it doesn’t seem fair as they are both older and need the bed too.
Am I being unreasonable expecting someone to give up a bed for me? I would never ask at any other time in my life, it’s just one weekend during my pregnancy.

Then maybe just accept that the period of time the whole family can get together at your parents house has passed? It's hardly going to work once the twins arrive

Good point well made.

Husband on the sofa. You have said he won’t mind so why are you even creating this drama? All this to avoid him dealing with your parents walking through the room he’s sleeping in. He’ll presumably he dressed so it isn’t really a big deal for his ILs to see him sleeping. It’s only a couple of nights, he’ll survive.

Can you get a dress rail and put a sheet over it to screen off the sofa from passers by?

Can’t afford a budget hotel but can afford twins? Come on. Just yo on your own and enjoy some family time with your parents and sisters before the babies arrive. You don’t need to be joined at the hip with your husband. I’ve been married over a quarter of a century and still do things with just may parents and brother (who is also married).

Sick, possibly dying relative to visit by the sounds of it.

is that last sentence a dig? What do you mean do a thread about storage solutions when there’s no space? How do you think people who live in 1 bedroom flats manage? Im not sure how to take that comment. If its not a dig then please correct me but if it is then that’s kinda insulting to people who live in smaller houses

No, not a dig. At my wits end with my own house that has fewer people and more space than yours, but DD's stuff is all over the house as no room in her bedroom despite all our "creative" uses of space. As it doesn't sound like you had "all over the house" as an alternative option I'd love to know how you (or your parents) managed to fit things? I suspect your answer might just be you had less stuff, but I don't even think DD has that much stuff ...

This seems bonkers to me that the children are all adults but the parents are having to still keep a house that sleeps three children.

but its not about the bed is it, that’s a red herring, it’s about how you view your sisters and their entitlement. Which we can’t help with.

I'm just wondering where your sisters live? do either of them live a more reasonable drive away than 5 hours, so your DH can drop you there and you can travel with the sister the rest of the way, and then you do the same thing in reverse on the way back?

Hubby needs to sleep on the sofa.
He can use your room as a dressing room but sleep on the sofa.
That is what any well mannered man would do when his wife is expecting twins.

They don't have to hold on 'forever'. The time family come down could be whatever time they normally get let out. Or husband could let them out, surely?
Honestly it's getting a bit straw clutchy now in attempt to frame OPs wishes as the only option. There are other solutions than a sister giving up her bed. In fact given they've refused, there has to be another solution found if OP and husband are to stay over.

That is the plan for the future ☺️

How far is it? Could he drive you there and come back a week later? Maybe stay overnight if absolutely necessary but you’d have a full week as you originally wanted and he’d only have one (or two?) overnights on the sofa?

I don’t think there’s any point in falling out with your sisters over it because your pregnancy is only the start of this.

Longer term you may just have to accept that your parents’ house can’t accommodate several families at once - because that’s what you are now, or will be as soon as the babies are born.

We’ve been in that situation for years now: too many siblings with partner and children to all fit in my parents’ house at the same time. And it’s not because it’s a tiny house - there are just too many of us. We’ve had sofas and folding beds and air mattresses all put into service at times like Christmas but there’s a point where it’s not really feasible for more than a night or two.

ETA: I’ve just seen this suggestion:

• Ask a neighbour/friend to put one person up (surely you must know someone locally if this was your childhood home?)

We’ve done this a number of times but usually only for “big” events like a wedding, funeral or occasionally Christmas- harder as other families nearby often have people coming back then too as they are mostly my parents’ generation themselves. But as you say this visit is for a reason maybe that’s an option this time?

If the husband can let them out then there is no issue about his space being invaded by the family in the morning. I wouldn't have my dog whimpering at the end of my bed because they have to go toilet but they still are expected to wait half an hour.

I told my sister she was welcome to stay with me but privacy would be limited and the dogs go out at 6. That's their routine.

I think bunks in the one room was a great suggestion.

Buy your parents a double bed for one guest room. Some have singles on top, for luggage, if there is not much space.

I honestly think at this point you need to get past the mindset of your husband being a “guest”. He’s your husband, their son/ brother in law and the father of your twins, he’s not really a guest. I really do think you’re being unnecessarily precious about him sleeping on the sofa- and that’s the obvious solution to me. I suspect that’s where your sisters are coming from too, and I can completely understand why they might not want to feel like a spare part whilst their brother in law sleeps in their childhood bed.

They are probably also setting a boundary now before you start asking them to sleep on the sofa to accommodate your partner AND your children too!

Sorry but it’s ridiculous if your dh doesn’t sleep on the sofa, people suck it up for the family madness!!!

Hotel or husband on the sofa. Only options

Horrible sisters. Mine would be angry if I insisted on taking the smaller bed or my dh sleeping on the floor. They should be giving you more care and priority because you are pregnant. Horrible of them.

theres an element of it that’s about the bed but I’m very aware that I have an issue with one sister in particular who I find to be quite selfish but perhaps she views me in the same way, given how many people have told me I’m being selfish, I hadn’t thought of it that way!
I think because I know I’d give up my bed for my sisters (and have slept on the floor/sofa on a few family holidays when there haven’t been enough beds) I have become frustrated that at the one time I need a bed she won’t help me out.
i see a lot of people on here think my sisters would be giving up the bed for my husband but my parents wouldn’t have him sleep in the living room, so whatever happens he will always get my old room.
So it really is someone giving me the bed not him. But yeah it’s definitely an issue I have with my sister

But you can't expect the two of you to take up 2 of the available bedrooms. That's not fair. And neither is turfing your parents out. And I don't think your husband should sleep on the sofa, it's awkward. So the options are - you go alone, you sleep on the sofa, you find a cheap hotel / AirBNB or you go another time.

Since you are now pregnant with twins you are going to have to make other arrangements . Might as well start now by trying out local hotels.

ps the man who is your husband and the father of your twins is now FAMILY, not a GUEST.

I would definitely give up my bed for my pregnant sister to save her sleeping on the sofa and I’m not sure I’d be comfortable sleeping on the sofa at my in laws and everyone traipsing through in the morning to sort the dogs out and seeing me in pjs with crazy bed hair either 😂
If there is space for a tent in the garden I would opt for that option, most people have one lying around or can borrow one and your DH could sleep out there in the peace and quiet.

Honestly if your DH prioritises his own comfort and sleeps in your childhood bedroom while you’re on the sofa pregnant and so ill you can’t drive or take public transport alone he’s a terrible partner.
This who scenario is literally crazy.

I feel like he needs a space he can retreat to when it gets a bit much

If he finds these family get-togethers overwhelming then this is a perfect reason for him not to come on this occasion. The other sisters don't have partners with them so it will make it a better balance. It really sounds common sense to me for him to be able stay at home in peace than be overwhelmed for a weekend.
I bet he'd really appreciate it.

if he would let you sleep on a sofa so he can have a bed in a room, at his in laws place, then he should be an ex, your sisters are not thinking pregnant you should sleep on the sofa they are thinking since when did a man care about sleeping in front of people in a casual environment and why wouldn’t he sleep on the sofa. Sorry, but they are.