AIBU sleeping arrangement

[strawberrylemons]

I’m visiting my parents this weekend, as are my 2 sisters (we’re all adults 23,29 and 32). I’m bringing my husband, sisters are going alone. I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with twins, this is relevant.
all the bedrooms have a single bed in them, prior to pregnancy id just share with my husband and we’d have a bad nights sleep but get over it. Now im pregnant sleeping is a bit more uncomfortable and I need a pillow under my belly etc. so someone has to sleep on the sofa. I can’t make hubby sleep on the sofa because the living room is the walk way through to the kitchen so he’d have no privacy. So the options are for pregnant me or my sisters to go on the sofa. I’ve asked both my sisters if they’d give their bed up for me, they’ve both said no. My one sister even had a tantrum over it and said she just won’t visit if I’m going to take “her” bed (bear in mind she hasn’t lived at my parents house for 7 years).
I’m feeling a little disappointed in my sisters and that they wouldn’t let their pregnant sister have a bed for a weekend. My parents have offered their bed to my husband and I as a result but it doesn’t seem fair as they are both older and need the bed too.
Am I being unreasonable expecting someone to give up a bed for me? I would never ask at any other time in my life, it’s just one weekend during my pregnancy.

Bunk beds could be the answer. Scour Facebook, gumtree, Freecycle, etc and see if you can get one. You already have a single mattress, so will only need to purchase another one.

You sleep on the lower one and your husband sleeps on the top.

I imagine if it was you that needed a bed, your sisters would be willing to give up theirs for you. But I don't think I blame them for refusing to do it for a perfectly healthy man (or woman).
You want him to be comfortable in your family home, but it isn't just YOUR family home, it's theirs too, and it is your parents' actual home. So their needs and wants matter too.
I understand the small house problems. My parents relocated to a 2 bed bungalow with 1 bathroom after living in a 4 bed, 3 bathroom house until my brother moved out (I left home before they moved there). Now for special occasions when we stay over (which is really not often these days), there are 8 of us staying in the bungalow. Mum and dad in their room, brother and his partner in the other bedroom, and then me, DP, and 2 kids (twins) sleep on the sofa/hallway on sofas/air beds/camp beds. Yes we are desperately uncomfortable, but we suck it up for one or two nights.
We can't afford a hotel, and we may as well just travel home instead.

In this situation I wouldn't be asking anybody to give up their beds for my DP, and he would be absolutely mortified if he knew I had asked on his behalf and be worried that my family would think it was him wanting this. He'd suck up being uncomfortable for a couple of nights, stay awake a couple of hours longer than he usually would. In the morning, if he was woken up by DM or someone walking through, he'd probably just get up and have a cup of tea and a chat with them. He's not a guest anymore, he's family. If he didn't get much sleep because he was uncomfortable, he might have a power nap in my room if time allows.

If this isn't something you're willing to accept, then it seems all of you staying over at your parents' house at the same time isn't an option for you anymore.

I thought so! What do you think @strawberrylemons?

Best suggestion.

It's not that people don't belive, but because that set up is unusual, people have made suggestions until you've explained it clearly. Maybe the classic mumsnet diagram would have been useful in this case!

I am sure it’s been suggested but I would consider clubbing together with your parents if possible for a cheap bunk bed maybe. You can use it again.

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I concur @Bloatstoat, the people demand a diagram!

Husband on the sofa. Job done.

I’d just get a hotel

Yep. It's the perfect excuse.

Why would you be on an airbed? You just need a single one for your husband. Or he can sleep on the sofa - your explanation for why he can’t doesn’t make much sense. Can he not wear pyjamas or something?

Though TBH it seems like you don’t want suggestions, you just want to complain about your sisters.

I think you've reached the point were you do need to pay for a hotel @strawberrylemons

It’s time to accept that there isn’t room for you all to stay at your parents home at the same time. Either book a hotel to stay in or visit during a different weekend. Personally, I’d be wanting to avoid bank holiday traffic if it’s such a long drive.

You haven't helped yourself tbh, you sound hard work and basically want us to agree a sister should give up a bed for you or the husband!

Anything else suggested isn't suitable and you seem unwilling to even consider it. He can sleep on the sofa.... It's really not that big of a deal.

There aren’t any other options than for someone to be on the sofa

Hotel. Then everyone is comfy.

Go on your own but get the train?

Look for a cheap air b&b in the area?

How far away do your sisters live? Do they absolutely have to stay over the same nights as well? Can they not just visit daily and go home?

Otherwise, dh on the sofa, ask people to be mindful and not walk through before a set time. If dogs need letting out, dh does it 🤷‍♀️

Ultimately though, I think you're just pissed off neither sister will give up a room for him. And I kinda see their point. There are 4 adults and 3 bedrooms and you and dh want to take 2 out of the 3. Despite the reasoning, it doesn't really seem fair when you look at it that way, especially when there is a perfectly reasonable compromise available to you, you just don't want that option.

@strawberrylemons I totally get what you mean. I am from a big family, my husband is an only child. It's such a different way of growing up.

Your sister didn't have a tantrum about giving up her room. She rightfully refused to give up a bed she has always slept in for a man who was introduced to the family. Good for her. I wouldn't visit either if I was displaced to the sofa for a perfectly able bodied husband.

@strawberrylemons congratulations on your pregnancy. How wonderful to be expecting twins!
Further congratulations on your remarkable patience with having to respond to the same comments over and over again. Those replying should do you the courtesy of at least reading your replies. It would take less time than it took to type their response.
The only suggestion is not to travel. You are at a stage in your pregnancy where you need plenty of rest and certainly do not need the stress. It will be the last time you will have this problem as you will soon be a family of 4. How exciting. Wishing you a wonderful pregnancy and the best of luck.

Agree a time in the morning before which your family won't traipse through the living room where your husband is sleeping. Say 7.30am. They know they can't access the kitchen before that so will have to take flasks, water bottles etc upstairs if they can't wait for a drink. He will know that he needs to be awake and decent by then. Its not a big ask of anyone for one morning, surely?

If they have to let the dogs out to go toilet, then they need to go out. Dogs can't hold forever either.

in real life it’s really not that big of a drama as it is on here believe it or it!

so with me going alone, I can’t at the moment due to fainting (pregnancy related) which is why hubby is driving, he can’t drop me off as it’s a 5 hour drive.

im feeling like the best option is for me to be on the sofa, which is where I was heading anyway. I know everyone thinks I’m silly for not making my husband sleep on the sofa but I stand firm on not having guests feel uncomfortable and being in a communal area of the house. People can whine about that and accuse me of bending over for a man but I don’t care, it’s the right thing to do for a guest imo and that’s okay, we all have different feelings about how families do things.

is that last sentence a dig? What do you mean do a thread about storage solutions when there’s no space? How do you think people who live in 1 bedroom flats manage? Im not sure how to take that comment. If its not a dig then please correct me but if it is then that’s kinda insulting to people who live in smaller houses

So who gets up early in the morning with the dogs? Whoever it is, you move to their bed, your husband to yours when they get up. Problem sorted.

This does sound like the best solution in the circumstances though. Your DH sounds like a nice man so he'd likely be fine with this.

The only thing is the cost of fuel for the extra 10hrs of driving may be equivalent to a cheap hotel though, so on the count of saving money, that wouldn't be ideal.

So, really, consider taking up your parents offer of having their double bed. OR sharing the double bed with your Mum and having your Dad on the sofa.

Some money saving tips for twins - breastfeed (formula is crazy expensive), and buy re-useable nappies (costs about £300-£400 but then no need to ever buy disposables that really add up £££).

Would a train be possible or a drop off to your sister?

Is there a reason both your sister are descending at the same time?