Older sibling looking after younger

[meowwow]

Is this unreasonable/wrong of me- I really want honest opinions.

Single parent to a 16yo and almost 4yo.

Been dating a man the last month or 2 and things going well. Not been dating at all since having the youngest for obvious reasons after that relationship broke down have just been concentrating on the kids.

So far have just been working around both of our kids when they are with the other parent etc, however would like to start seeing each other more regularly as like each other.

My 16yo is happy to babysit my 4yo one evening a week for a few hours so we can have an extra date night. This would be for extra pocket money but would be cheaper for me than a professional babysitter.

No issue with their care of 4yo they are very good with them and I would only be very local if anything happens. Man I am dating obviously hasn’t met children yet as very new and this is not the plan at all for a long while.

But something in me feels it is wrong to get an older sibling to babysit so I can spend time with a man! Even though they have offered and are actually quite excited at the prospect of extra money.

Do not have any family local to help, so it’s either this, pay a babysitter, or continue to just see each other EOW when the kids are with their Dad.

I am not sure what your issue is
your oldest child is happy to do this for one night per werk
You’re not taking the pee and they’re getting some extra pocket money
win win surely

Your 16yo is happy so roll with it.

And it's probably nicer for them (plus the being paid) not having a babysitter in the house while they're around.

If you were restricting what they wanted to do, that would be different.

Sounds totally fine. Especially if big sibling is getting extra pocket money for it.

Nothing wrong with children pitching in to support their mum when the relationships between everyone are healthy.

It’s fine, as long as you’re paying your DC a fair amount. Wouldn’t be fair to not contribute. At 16 I used to look after my baby niece one day a week while my sister worked & I was off college but that was back in the 90s and I accept times were different then but a lot of 16 year old were are very capable and 4 isn’t a little baby.

I think this situation is fine op. If your older dc is happy to look after the younger dc then that works out well all around. It’s good that you’re giving older dc pocket money for it too.

A babysitter is £16 an hr and I would be giving DC16 £10 an hr which they are happy with. Older DC also doesn’t like having a babysitter around the house, which I have done a couple of times, as they feel they don’t need it, hence them offering (older DC is aware I am dating someone due to their age but hasn’t met him of course).

I guess I just feel awkward as I feel like it’s a little bit wrong to use an older child for childcare so I can date! Maybe it’s growing up around friends who expected the older children to look after the younger ones which they resented and I would never want my child to feel that way, even though they are offering and excited at the prospect of extra money!

If the teenager is happy to do it and wants the money, there is absolutely no problem with this. The fact that you're going on dates is neither here nor there. It's no different from them babysitting while you went out with friends or went to the gym.

My older dc baby sit so we can have a night out. I do pay them and they are happy to

I would really appreciate some comments from people who have selected I am being unreasonable as I would really like both sides! Many thanks

i was babysitting from age 13 back in the 90s. If you feel your 16 year old is mature enough then its good. They can contact you if theres an issue

One night a week and she gets paid, I really don't see a problem with this.

My 16yo is very mature and responsible, there are definitely no concerns there at all. But I would be local anyway just in case. Their Dad and I split up in pregnancy with the youngest so it’s been just the 3 of us for a long time now and 16yo has always been very good with 4yo and loves to spend time with them, play with them, will offer to play with them so I can shower alone etc. Little one often wants to climb in bed with 16yo for cuddles and falls asleep. They are very close as siblings despite the age gap.

If 16 year old is willing to do it and getting paid and it's once a week, I don't see a problem.

Problems come when older siblings are parentified or forced to watch younger sibs and that's not what's happening here.

I’m 12 years older than my brother, and I was always happy to ‘babysit’. I’d pick him up from the childminder, after school and take him home everyday.
It never occurred to me to say no, to be honest. It never bothered me.

This sounds ideal. Everyone is happy. Dont worry. X