People have started being nicer to me since I started hrt - aibu to think it's related?

[CurdinHenry]

Like I must be exuding some pro social pheromones as a result

I am certain it's not because my behaviour or confidence have changed

Or, they no longer feel bound by “just being nice” that women are socially conditioned for. I stopped putting up with bullshit and called it out or stepped away from it. Women standing up for themselves is not a bad thing, but even if done in a relatively calm way, will lead to accusations of being “vile”, “nasty” or that hideously misogynistic “Karen” label.

They also can’t just snap themselves out of it. Not everyone can “choose” to not let it affect them.

I knew I had become difficult and not very pleasant when my menopause started.
I was moody and wanted to rage at everybody. Everybody pissed me off.
Of course most of the time nobody was doing anything wrong. it was my inner rage.
Once the HRT kicked in I returned to normal thankfully, I became happy and up beat again!
I avoided seeing a lot of my friends for just over 12 months as I couldn't see the point. Now I am back in contact with them and doing fun stuff which I am loving. I hated being moody and unreasonable to people especially those that love me.

You sound like my mum. “I just got on with it” Growing up with my mother was so horrific at times, we were terrified of her. She, to this day, is still convinced she was Mother Earth incarnate and we had no problems. Menopause was the worst but she “just got on with it” apparently. Meanwhile we all walked on eggshells to avoid her temper, knew never to come to her with problems or issues as teenagers and made sure we kept out of her way so we didn’t poke the bear. She is approaching 80 and her intolerance for other people, her constant negativity, her inability to even consider the fact that other people might have a different experience, is the reason I largely avoid visiting her if I can. She has no idea that my siblings and I see visiting as a duty not a pleasure because we are still just pasting a smile on and pretending it’s all ok. Perhaps if she had sought help rather than “just getting on with it”, she wouldn’t be as unpleasant as she continues to be. 🤷‍♀️

OP: the whole world has changed together since i started taking HRT, what on earth could be the reason?

MN: maybe you are nicer or more tolerent now?

OP: It's a real head scratcher

😂Isn't it?

Nope, defo wasn't me that was the issue, so strange how everyone around me is nicer to me now.... must be the HRT pheromones.

My mother recently started HRT and within a few weeks she looked different. Her skin was better and her black eyes reduced and overall she looked healthier.

It's well known that people are nicer to people seen as "more attractive" so it may be that you've had similar physical changes.

My mother and her husband didn't really notice the difference since it was only a small change each day but I noticed as I only saw her every week or two it stood out to me more.

I think it is arrogant and self-obsessed to think that just because you have disordered moods the world must take the strain. Unless you are severely clinically unwell you can control your behaviour. You can choose not to but that's on you.

It might be that neither you nor other people have changed but your perception of people has changed

And I speak as someone who managed pmdd for most of my adult life. You can choose your behaviours, always.

I don't think anyone said the world must take the strain.

That is what you are saying if you believe you don't have an obligation to consider others when you behave in a short-tempered or otherwise unpleasant way.

I think hormonal shifts do get communicated to others even if we feel the same so yes OP I think you're right, there's probably something transmitting.

Based on how prickly you are here, I wouldn't be so sure that your demeanor is as pleasant as you believe.

There is a vast difference between stopping being overly accommodating and "nice" and not putting up with rubbish Vs being bad tempered and nasty and excusing this as feminism and peri freedom.

You're painting quite a picture here in your comments of your self awareness, judgement of others and black and white thinking. I can't think why people weren't responding well to you but glad you feel that some unidentified chemical reaction has suddenly changed everyone around you to be nicer and that there's absolutely no way that following a big shift in your hormones any changes with your personal approach/demeanor or how you tolerate or perceived people could possibly be the cause.... Because you decided not to let menopause change you in that regard...because it's simply a choice. Ok OP, live your best life

how come everyone's being so damn charming to me then?!?!?

You're right. Women are one step up from beasts of the field and have no intellectual capability or responsibility that might enable them to exist on a plane above that directed by their hormones. #feminism

Genuinely surprised you've noticed anyone being nice to you if this reply is a fair reflection of your personality.

Guess they've not got to know you yet.

Do you think you don't have any responsibility for your behaviour, then? Feel your "Big Feelings" and just let it all out? How do you think that will work if everyone lets rip similarly?

Are you a robot? Either a robot or someone who has never suffered and truly doesn't get it. It's strange, I'd expect your way of thinking to come from men, not a fellow woman. You remind me of doctors when people who go to the docs for years with heavy, painful periods to be told 'that's being a women' when actually it turns out to be endometriosis.

I can tell you that pushing a year (into menopause) I had no sleep. Night after night. People who have had no sleep do get irritated by numpties around them or even with inanimate things, it's well known fact. It wasn't 'choosing', it alters the brain, medically proven! No more 'choosing' than having any other illness.

Completely. Seems 100% confident that she's always maintained a friendly outward demeanor, whilst posting here in a way that shows a decidedly unfriendly lack of empathy 🫠

That's not what she said, at all.

You also lack reading comprehension.

Lol, you made me laugh, superb and thanks.

OP, these are different points of view shared with you, different experiences and yet you are being very prickly to anyone who doesn't agree. Surely you can see that?

My "big feelings"?! Wow. I spoke about my mental health struggles and your reaction is to make fun of me for it. Is this another demonstration of how lovely and in control of your behaviour you are?

You're coming across as a nasty person that lacks empathy.