AIBU to feel uneasy about my widowed father rekindling an affair?

[Beekman]

I’ll try and keep this short as if I went into everything we’d be here all day.

Just found out my widowed father has renewed a relationship with a woman he had an adulterous affair with 25 years ago. She was by no means the only woman he messed about with but she was definitely the most serious. My mum found out about the affair and after much soul searching, my parents decided to stay together, made a go of it and had another 20 years together which were happy enough with, as far as I know, no further affairs. He was devastated when she passed away 4 years ago.

Whilst I would be delighted if he found some female companionship, this renewed affair is a bit of a shock. The woman is in a relationship with someone else so it’s still an affair, just the other way around this time.

He doesn’t know I know (I found out because he used my iPad to send her messages when he was staying at my house) and I’m not going to say anything him but I am worried about him and annoyed that this woman is back in his life after the destruction it caused last time.

I know I probably am being unreasonable, it’s his life after all, but I feel like it’s a bit of a kick in the teeth to my mum and that upsets me so much.

Honestly don’t know what to think.

I'm not surprised you're uncomfortable about it but at the end of the day, being your dad doesn't make him a perfect person. He's flawed.

It's not hurting your mum, you'd only be hurting yourself by focusing on it. That doesn't mean you have to be around her either if you don't want to.

But presumably you don't expect to have masses of time left with him, why waste it arguing over his iffy morals.

Best ignore it. You’d be surprised what people may be hiding if you go digging.

Life is complicated and this woman probably gave your dad something that your mum couldn’t.

I'd not be happy-what is this kind of person out for? After his money? Taking him away from his family? She is clearly not a decent human being from what you've said. No, you can't legally stop him, unless you think he has lack of capacity, but if my dad was with someone like this, I'd definitely tell him to watch himself.

It's none of your business.

I get it as I'd not be happy about it either. I wouldn't acknowledge it though.

I sort of agree with this. I can see why it's upsetting but really your dad is entitled to run his own life.

I am aware it’s not my business and I do want him to lead his life the way he chooses but at the same time, I can’t help but be a bit upset over it. I won’t be letting him know that I know.