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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell friend about her dd’s behaviour towards ds

3 replies

EpicEagle · 25/08/2026 23:32

Judy looking for opinions really on whether you'd leave it or not

I have a 15 year old ds and I had him as a teen, at a young mum group I met friend she had a little girl about 6 months younger than my son. They were 2 at the time. Since then they've grown up together pretty much, we were both single mums so we did day trips to the beach etc together and honestly the friends dd helped ds a lot with his speech from just being around her

They didn't go to the same primary school or secondary up until the middle of year 8 when ds moved to her school. Since then there has been some jealousy as DS got a girlfriend and made new friends. But its been okay up until recently

DS has been struggling with his behaviour for a while, he attempted suicide last September and self harms so I am worried about him

At the beginning of this month he came out to me as bisexual which is absolutely fine. He said he felt a bit better now I knew but then the next day he broke up with his gf because he didn't want to tell her but felt guilty for still dating her. He didn't tell her the truth and perhaps he could've been nicer about it but he's 15 and told her didn't want to date her anymore, they had the same friend group and have sided with the gf and DS is upset about the breakup and the loss of friends and hasn't done anything all summer he's barely left the house tbh

I've been encouraging him to go out so last Wednesday when he said he was seeing his friend (my friends dd) I thought great but he came back in a bad mood and he's been in a bad mood since and really angry at me, my partner and his brother. Finally earlier my partner got it out of him and he said when he went to the park his friend wasn't there and turns out she invited him somewhere she wasn't because i’m her words it was “funny” i don’t think it’s funny i think it’s cruel and she’s 15 so she should understand how that can hurt someone. DS has said he doesn't know what he's done to her for her to do that but has said she's been hanging around with new people

DP is really annoyed and thinks I should tell my friend but I don't know as I worry it will cause more issues for DS next week when he goes back and he's already been really anxious about school this last school year

WWYD?

OP posts:
Minasama · 25/08/2026 23:39

Obviously it’s hard to know without knowing your friend, but given his suicide attempt I think I would have a chat with her, let her know he’s vulnerable and ask her to have a quiet word with her daughter not to mess him about like this because he’s not in a position to cope with it just now.
I’d also be firm with him that he needs to on his guard around young missy, she’s not behaving in the nicest or most mature way at the moment and that’s about her, not him.

clickyteeclick · 25/08/2026 23:42

This has made me fume on your behalf. Absolutely tell her. I hope your son is ok ❤️

watchingthishtread · 26/08/2026 14:04

Don't approach her about her daughters behaviour. That rarely goes well. She will defend her daughter and nothing good will come of it. You could however discuss your concerns about your own child and hope that some of that filters through to her daughter having a better understanding of how vulnerable he is at the moment.

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