Parents favour my sister and her children

[TheUmberViewer]

Hi, Lomg time watcher, first time posting.

I have a very complicated relationship with my parents and no longer have anything to do with my sister and her children. I will try and keep it as brief as I can.

My sister was in a DV relationship for over 20 years, met him at very young and left school at 13! She has two children to him and honestly things he has done to my sister, kids and our family I could write a book! I eventually had to get him arrested and call social services on my sister to shock her into finally not taking him back again and took in her children for a while to make sure she would press charges, anyway it went to CPS and he went to prison for two years. As soon as he was released she lied to me again and contacted him and let him see the children after they were finally starting healing over the abuse and once again my parents just accept it. My mental health was declining and I knew I had to cut ties with them all as my dad is very controlling and tells me I should go along with it all, even though she's never worked, drinks, takes drugs and her children don't even attend school. My parents run her and kids about here there and everywhere, give them money, take the kids on day trips, at their beck and call!

I got back speaking to my parents after 5 years and I told them I do not want anything to do with my sister as she an absolute disgrace for so many things she has done to my parents and they just accept it and seem to love her drama filled life, it's like they want to be needed as myself, husband and children are independent, hard working and we don't rely on them for anything. My children both make to time to visit, get them treats and pop in on their days off, call them for a chat, whereas my sisters kids just use them for money and are completely disrespectful, but my parents never take my children out for a day trip etc and all I get told is well, you lot are OK because you are all busy working and have holidays.
My parents think they are helping them but all I see is the completely same pattern of events with my sister and now both her children who drop out of school at 13 and older one doesn't work. Just because we work hard for what we have we seem to be very over looked and many people have told me, feel my family are jealous and hate the fact we don't need them. I just feel sorry for my children never getting invited out for things and if I gets brought up I am told I am jealous. Despite us always trying get everyone together, hosting BBQ's, birthdays, inviting them out,hosting Xmas. And most of the time they will decline invites as worried what my sister is doing but most of the time she doesn't give two hoots and goes on benders leaving my parents alone on Xmas day when they could have spent the day with us.

You’re never going to change your parents, you can only change how you respond to them.

Time to focus on your own family and keep your parents and DSis at a distance.

Stop trying to compete against your sister im sure she is jealous of you also.

You need to drop the rope. You’re never going to get a different response or outcome.

We’re only a couple of posts in but it’s already covered. It’s nasty and unfair. It’s not going to change. Your parents are likely to be feeling that they’re the saviours of this shit family and have nothing left over for you. Make peace with what you have, or cut contact and forget about the lot of them.

Really though, would you want your children involved in their unhealthy family dynamics? I'd be keeping my children as far away from them all as possible, including your parents!

You can't change who they are or what they do - but you can make the choice to disengage completely with it all. Stop putting yourself in the position of not being chosen again and again. It is only causing you pain.

Concentrate on your own family, the one you have made for yourself. Spend time with those who love you and not those that are not deserving of your time and attention.

I’d steer well clear. They sound like they’re always going to favour your sister and your kids and never change. Protect yourself and your kids.

Most families have a 'golden child'
Nothing you ever say or do will change they dynamics.
Make peace with it now otherwise it will consume you forever.....

The most helpful thing I learnt when dealing with people is to accept you will never change their mindset and behaviour but you can absolutely change how you respond to their behaviour. Live for you now. You have done everything you can.