AIBU to ask my mum not to drop by unannounced?

[MiniRuRo]

Hi, I'm hoping it will get some advice here. DH and I have 3 small children 4 and under. We have worked really hard to find a balance over the last year or two of family time, personal time and time with extended family.
Our current set up, has DH and I doing our hobbies alternate evenings Monday-Thursday, Friday we go to my mums for dinner, me and the little ones from about 4:30, then DH and our eldest join us after her swimming lesson around 5:15, we stay until about 7, then Saturday we have one of our eldest's hobbies from 9-10, then we try to go out in the afternoon, a walk, the park, the beach, a museum, whatever. Sunday morning we go up to my in laws for 2 hours for breakfast/brunch. Then have the afternoon free, at home, ironing, cleaning, watching F1/Football, kids just playing and being a little bored.

This works well for us, however my mum has started visiting at random times, she lives a 10 minute walk away, and has to go to the street beside us most days to visit my gran, so she seems to tag us on. It is exhausting tbh, especially on Sundays when we are just trying to get on with our little cosy afternoon. I have asked her not to, but she claims 2 hours a week isn't enough with her grandchildren (she also has them for a sleepover every other month). She always claims she will just stay for a cup of tea, then lingers for well over an hour, any attempt to shimmy her on, is met poorly or with her wanting to take the kids to hers since we aren't doing anything. In the summer holiday she also started dropping in during the week and now our eldest is at school (Scotland so back last week), she has been coming in, in the morning!
Today I asked very politely that we stick to Friday and we will pop in with the kids if we have the time, she got upset saying that we aren't even doing anything on Sundays and my Gran sees more of the little ones than she does (broadly true I nip into my grans for an hour or so during the school day to give her some company, but my mum is at work 3 days a week!).
From this week on we will be pretty busy on week nights, with our eldest having hobbies 2 nights a week, and on a Saturday.

AIBU to not want her stopping in especially on our Sunday afternoons, which I really enjoy being just DH, the kids and I, or should I suck it up as they are her grandchildren and she is probably a bit lonely?

And you sound like a boundary-crosser or somebody who has none!

A set 2 hours once a week on a Friday seems overly rigid when a close relative lives so close.
Would the children like an hour playing with their granny?
I quite like when someone pops by for a cup of tea.

No necessarily OPs gran but far too many grandmother's whose adult kids and grandkids think they have no life and are just sat their waiting for your visits

I'd be wanting to move away!

Stick to your boundaries. As a grandparent who lives ten minutes away I NEVER just drop in. I always wait to be invited. My daughter and sil both have busy demanding careers, and their child is in full time nursery, so the time they have together is very precious, even if it just the mundane ironing, tidying etc. and no however annoying your kids can be, her taking them is not the answer. So sorry mum, but just push off.

My parents always ring first and I do with them.Dropping in on anyone is fucking rude imo.In the first few years of mine and dh relationship his mum.and sisters used to do it and I hated it.Slowly put an end to it as I found it annoying and rude.

This goes both ways. How would her mum have felt a few decades ago if her own mother insisted on dropping in on a Sunday afternoon and impinging on her family time?

Everyone says we should be mindful of our old mothers, what about being mindful of young mothers?

I agree. If my mum had a habit of dropping round on a Sunday afternoon, she’d either be shown the door, or the ironing board.

Fwiw I think both of you could compromise a bit op.

I totally understand that having three dc under four requires a military operation and it’s essential to have some down time on a Sunday afternoon.

I am a strong believer in dc being bored occasionally too as it stimulates creativity.

And as a mum of two adult DDs, I wouldn’t dream of just dropping in any time without advance notice. I think that is disrespectful to them and to their other halves.

But I also think confining visits to two hours on a Friday when your mum is preparing dinner for you all is a bit rigid. Your mum probably wants to see her gc in their own home when they are a bit more relaxed and she is not busy doing dinner. That’s fair enough I think. Could she join you for lunch on Saturday? Presumably you will be eating it anyway? Or on one of the hobby evenings?

Can you just say ‘Mum, it’s not convenient at the moment’ when she drops by unannounced. If you say it enough, she should stop doing it. You have asked politely and she has ignored your request m, so I think you need to be a bit more firm.
I wouldn’t like it - it derails what you’re doing and you don’t get the things done that you need to. You’re also entitled to downtime to recharge your batteries, which is very important in a busy household

could she pop the kids to bed on one or more nights you/your husband are doing your hobbies? or take one of the kids to their hobbies?

I totally hear you on the 'popping in' annoyance but can you make her desire for time with the kids, and needs that have to happen anyway, align for both parties to be happy? I agree with keeping Sunday afternoons sacred. and to be honest, as the kids get older they are going to have birthday parties and all sorts to fit in too so need to figure out a solution that works. or could she do a school pick up once a week?

We lived near DM DF and MIL when the DC were young. It was one of the great delights that they could just drop in during the day with no formal plans and no more than a cup of tea being provided. Much, much easier than them coming for a full week at a time when we moved away! I miss that.

I don’t know why your kids can’t be bored/ have downtime with your mum in the house? Does she gee them up or something, insist on disrupting what they’re doing to interact with her?

In most families I know, when family visit people just get on with whatever they were doing before the visitors arrived except for the one person who’s the designated host (DH if it’s his family, me if it’s mine for example). Everyone else comes and goes, does their thing. A child might play in the same room, a teen might slob on the sofa on their phone, if I’ve got dinner to cook I get on with it. It’s really not a big deal, I can’t understand scheduling an hour or two of “quick, quick, hurry up and get her out so we can relaaaaaax in private.” What relaxing are you doing that she can’t be there for?!

This

My Mum would always have been welcome at my house. The kids would have loved her popping in on a Sunday afternoon.

Its your Mum!