Husband making a side effect his personality

[BuzzLightEars]

My husband recently started taking a new tablet and one of the side effects is irritability.
I've pulled him up a few times about being snappy with the kids and he's just waved a Google search in my face saying I can't help it it's a side effect.

We went to a family christening at the weekend and he was his normal cheery self all day but as soon as we got back in the car he was shouting at the kids for laughing/chattering and trying to tell me how/where to drive when the sat nav was already on.

I've told him to go back to the doctor and ask for different medication because this one isn't suitable but he says it's doing its job.

AIBU to just book him an appointment and take him myself

He's using it as an excuse to be a cunt. Most medication causes irritability, most notable hormonal contraception.

I’d tell him he obvious can help it and give him examples of when he’s been perfectly lovely either everyone else. Weird the “side effect” only affects his wife and kids. Tell him to pack it in or fuck off. Don’t stand for this nonsense.

If it was truly a side effect he couldn't control he wouldn't be able to wait until he was in the car.

You can't "take him" to the doctors. He isn't a child. I know he is acting like one but I am fairly certain it has nothing to do with his medication.

I agree with the others, it's not the medication because if it was, he wouldn't be able to control it until he got in the car. He'd have been irritable at the christening too.

Watch him for a while, a few weeks. Observe. See if he's just irritable with you or everyone.

What medication is it anyway?

Tell him you are not prepared to live with someone who is always irritable towards you and especially your children. Don’t argue that the medicine is not ‘doing it’s job’, just say he can make his own choices but yours is that you will not live with a constantly irritable person or subject your children to it. Either he manages to address it whilst staying on the medication (as he manages to do with everyone else outside his family - hmm), or he finds another solution with the doctor. Or alternatively, by taking no alternative action he is actively choosing to live alone. It is all his choice. Give him a deadline then be prepared to act on it.

Irritability is a feeling not an action. He doesn’t have to act on his irritation. To be a good father he should learn coping mechanisms so he doesn’t make irritability his children’s cross to bear.

You can’t “take him to the doctors”
but you can take him to the cleaners. He’s using the meds as an excuse to be a prick

What is the medication

Would ypu day that sbout pregnancy, a woman experiencing pmt or the menopause? Or a diabetic suffering a hypo?

I mean I have PMS but I know to be self aware and to not be a total cunt. Obviously occasionally I’ll have a minor rage but I always apologise and I wouldn’t just wave Google in someone’s face and say “look I can’t help being a cow!”

I sometimes want to tell people I work with to go fuck themselves. I don’t because I’m an adult and have self-control.

He can’t help medication making him irritable. What he can do is not react to being irritated when he knows it’s not appropriate or unreasonable.

Have you Googled the med & the side-effects ?

As the coping mechanisms for those are either get the condition treated or take a deep breath and try not to be a dick because it's not the kids' fault you feel like puking up/are tired/hormonal/need some glucose (albeit the last is actually potentially a medical emergency, so gets more of a pass than the others), yes.

No way would I tolerate him behaving like a nasty arsehole and using medication as an excuse when he chooses.

He sounds like a prick.
Push back hard.

If it was a true side effect he wouldn’t be able to switch it off and on.

LTB

HRT made me horrible so, after talking to doc about options that didn't help, I stopped taking it.

He can't just say I'm horrible because of meds, live with it.

If he can hold it in enough at the christening then he should be able to hold it in with his wife and kids. All the above you listed are able to function in society without waving their symptoms in people’s faces. Of course the odd thing may happen especially with diabetics having a hypo but that’s totally different

I don't think that's necessarily true. I wasn't horrible when I was having fun and things were going well, but situations I would ordinarily find mildly annoying or stressful had me in a rage.

Of your examples the only person who would get a pass would be the diabetic because they genuinely can't help it.

Everyone else should realise they are feeling irritable and take themselves off untill they get a grip. I suffer with My hormones but that's my problem, I don't get to take it out on everyone else.

I disagree that it's as simple as "he should be able to control his behaviour ". We accept lots of medications and conditions can cause significant behavioural changes. Look at perimenopause, PPMD or the recent coverage of dopamine agonists. It's also not the case that it would be a constant problem in all situations if it were real - that's not how behaviour works.

He does need to do something about it though, and should be agreeing to go back to the gp.

DH should have "taken himself off" rather than driving home with OP and DC, when the noise was getting to him?

If he can behave well at a family gathering he can override the impetus to be irritable.

me too and me too.

Is he showing this irritability only with you and the kids or with everyone? If it's just with his immediate family, that's not a side effect, it's a behavioural choice and you need to address his behaviour with him directly.

If it is with everyone and it's affecting work and home significantly, he might need a medication change.