Expectation as a young grandparent?

[CyanDog]

Looking for advice please.
I am in my thirties with two primary school age children. Work full time in demanding job with no significant spare time. My husband, who is 11 years older than me, has a 23 year old son. His partner has recently had a little boy.
We don’t have a close relationship, nothing unpleasant just not.. close. I’ve met the partner twice. We live in different countries (south west England and Scotland for context!)
they have recently started asking for help with childcare, stating that they need support, would like to go away etc. Financially we have helped but logistically we can’t do much. I know that they have lots of support from wider family and mum isn’t working.
It’s really starting to stress me out as she is sharing lots on social media about grandparents not helping, being deserted etc
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any words of advice? I am feeling really stuck, my husband speaks regularly to his son who doesn’t mention these things - it is more the partner asking me. I’ve tried to build a relationship but in all honesty it feels very transactional and off.

You live 200 miles away. You can't do anything. Ignore her and carry on with your life.

Your ages are irrelevant, the distance is the issue here. The fact you are still young with young children doesn’t help also as it does make it harder to pop up for a weekend to babysit but that could be an issue whatever the age.

Your replies have been amazing.. thank you!
I know it’s nonsensical really, just struggling to show compassion towards her as a new mum when she is quite frankly taking the piss!
Physically I can’t be there, and emotionally doesn’t seem to be what she’s looking for. I know it would be different in different circumstances which makes it a real shame. They have asked for more money and husband has said no to this time, not forever but it’s constant and an expensive month with back to school, childcare costs over the summer holidays etc.
They have never really shown any interest in our children up until recently, as said I have only met the girl twice. I do get it - having a baby is hard and makes you realise how much you need support. However the comments about them helping with childcare did make me laugh!
Thanks again all.

That is so wrong. Constantly on mumsnet they treat step children horrendously. She has married her husband knowing he had a son, he is her stepson. You treat them the same if you are a decent human being.

Edit this is not a pop at this op as she lives miles away but a general vibe from mumsnet that stepkids are treated like chopped liver.

I wouldn’t have assumed she was talking about you

I knew it would be about the money. Let your DH sort this one out, as he seems to be doing.

YANBU - The partner is beyond cheeky. She really needs to manage her expectations and stop being so rude.
Is the mum of DH's son around?

If they can’t afford a holiday, they can’t go, and when you gave a baby, your priorities should change.

I’m glad you have said no to more financial help. If it were to provide basics , fair enough, but not to support holidays.