I (40F) recently bumped into a former secondary school friend (43M) whom I hadn't seen in almost 25 years. We used to hang out quite a lot as part of a larger group, so it wasn't like he was a complete stranger.
We had a quick chat about life in general, what our mutual friends are doing these days, and our kids. He mentioned that we should catch up sometime, I agreed, and he asked if we could exchange numbers. I gave him mine without really thinking anything of it. To me, it was just a polite gesture between two old friends who happened to run into each other.
I told my husband (40M) about bumping into him, but didn't mention the number exchange because it genuinely seemed insignificant to me.
Later that day, the old friend WhatsApped me saying it was nice to bump into me and my child and that we should catch up next time. I replied along the same lines. The conversation ended naturally after those few messages and there has been nothing else since.
This was last week.
Yesterday, while my husband and I were talking about friends, I mentioned the old school friend again and said, "Oh, remember that friend I bumped into? He has an 18-year-old now and is a livestreamer, and we exchanged contacts."
My husband was absolutely furious that I'd exchanged numbers with someone I hadn't seen in almost 25 years. He said that, as a married woman, I shouldn't be exchanging contact details with another man.
I explained that this isn't some random man I picked up on the street. He's someone I actually knew and used to be friends with, and there was nothing inappropriate about the interaction. If I'd had any ulterior motive, why would I casually tell my husband that we'd exchanged contacts? The exchange was simply a natural extension of saying we'd catch up sometime, and realistically, neither of us is likely to actually do so.
What has really upset me, though, is how far the argument has escalated.
My husband has threatened to "remove my perks". For context, I left my job and my home country five years ago to move to the UK and become a full-time mum, although I have also worked part-time. He now has a successful career and we live in a nice house. However, when we met a decade ago, he was unemployed, I was the main provider, I cleared his debts, and he lived in my flat.
During arguments, he often belittles or threatens me, but this is by far the worst. He has told me that I should go back to my home country and get out of the house if I want to continue "messaging strange men" — something I have absolutely no desire to do.
The whole thing has left me feeling like I'm the help, rather than his equal partner, and that the home and lifestyle I share with him can be taken away whenever he is angry with me.
So, AIBU for exchanging contact details with an old school friend, particularly given that the WhatsApp conversation consisted of a few polite messages and then naturally ended?
Or is my husband's reaction completely disproportionate?