AIBU to take younger daughter to Disneyland Paris without her sister?

[KitKatKathy]

I have two daughters, one 14 and about to start GCSE's, the other is 10 and about to begin their last year of primary school.

My youngest hates rides, but has been talking about how she would love to go to Disneyland Paris to watch the parades, meet the characters etc.

We can afford to go but older DD would have to stay home with her Dad. Elder DD has anxiety and although she would say she would like to go, come the day, she would, most likely, not be able to, plus it is a GCSE year.

I think elder DD will be hurt if we go without her, but I feel this is our last chance for Disney as DD will soon feel too old. Younger DD has missed out on many things owing to elder DD's anxiety, so I feels like it is her turn to get something.

I always tend to make things equal. So I’d suggest DL for youngest and a more suitable trip for eldest later. I’d let the eldest know the plan though.

Do what you want babe they're your kids

what has is bengi GCSE years got to do with anything ? It a ot like you're planning to take her during exams or for 3 months....

Be fine, take your eldest daughter for a trip once she's finished her gcses.

I think your being absolutely ridiculous if you think your 10 year old meeting people dressed up in a suit is more important than upseting your eldest and making her feel second best during her GCSE year. Don't go, find something suitable for both or do something separately and stop feeling guilty for not having done Disney.

I wouldn't go unless you plan to take your eldest, alone, on a similar trip to make it fair.

I couldn't do it unless my eldest categorically did not want to go to Disneyland and wanted to.do.another holiday instead, and I was able to afford both holidays that year.

Can you afford two trips? Offer the eldest Disneyland Paris after her GCSEs. Then it is fair and she doesn't have the opportunity to ruin it for the youngest.

I think it ok to do separate trips. Kids should get special one-to-one time if you can afford it.

Unless your eldest specifically says she does not want to go, you are potentially settling her up for a lifetime of resentment. Equally I see your point about your youngest. Could the eldest do something with Dad in Francr/Florida while you are there.

Ask DD1 how she feels, if she has a history of pulling out or getting stressed, suggest taken a break somewhere less stressful first with DD1 and book Disney with DD2.

I'd take DD2 and tell DD1 that she'll get a trip just the two of you later on in the year/next year. I think a one on one trip with each of them will be a lovely way to make memories.

How bad is her anxiety that she regularly cancels things? Is she getting help with this?

What sort of things has your youngest missed out on doing?
it it a case of your oldest daughter getting anxious when you get somewhere and the trip/treat etc has to be left
or
will your oldest daughter say a few days before she does not want to go once it is booked or will she come but just be on edge the whole time?

Hope that makes sense. It’s hard to
miss out on stuff due to a sibling. My cousins has twins. twin A with quite severe physical disabilities (no learning disabilities at all). And Twin B with no disabilities.

Basically everything has revolved around twin A until it got to the point that she staring really taking advantage and realised she only had to kick off and suddenly she got her own way. For example- it was Twins Bs graduation and at the last minute her parents didn’t go due to Twin A kicking off saying if she was anxious and could not “cope” with the crowds. (She had not issues at the football or at a concert). Luckly grandparents stepped in at the last minute.

Unfortunately the other daughter has had enough and is now living away and has little contact

You have already said your younger DD has missed out due to her sister’s anxiety. The older one is old enough to have the self awareness to appreciate that (a) there is a high risk she won’t be able to go on the day (b) she’s getting a bit old for it anyway.

Take the younger one. No doubt the elder will be treated to all sorts of things just for her when she starts to want to go to events etc with friends as she gets older. The younger will love the one to 1 time. So will you.

My friend with 3 kids makes a point of taking each one away for a weekend every year without their siblings.

Lots of kids never go to Disney and are just fine. It’s not important OP, if dd1 would be hurt don’t go.

Disney really is not worth the hype , I would wait it out and plan a trip suitable for both at the end of this school year.. and in the meantime get your eldest some help with her social anxiety x

I went 8 years without speaking to my sister because of unequal treatment by our parents.

I am AuDHD and had severe anxiety and struggled with noise and crowds due to sensory overload and my parents would have to plan things around me and occasionally trips would be cut short or ruined.

As we got older my sister made her resentment clear and was absolutely spoiled to make up for it and given more money by our parents and more opportunities to compensate for my genuine issues which led to me going low contact with my parents and no contact with my sister - even after our parents died.

If you want your daughters to be close then try to treat them equally based on their needs and make sure they both get an opportunity to have time with you doing things they both enjoy separately.

I wish I had made up with my sister years ago and realised it was our parents fault for causing the rift by trying too hard to please me then make it up to her.
I never got a chance to tell my parents because if took months of therapy to understand how I was feeling.