To feel ambushed into providing child care

[chasegirl]

My ex brother in law has booked a holiday next week for a week. He is a single Dad to my nephew. He had child care sorter, I thought anyway. This childcare turns out to be a bit flakey so he has asked me if I can do a few days to help. It would mean staying at his house cos of their pets. I work full time and have a 6 day week next week. He didn't give ne any warning just turned up this evening to ask

So many questions!

In what way is he your ex brother in law? Your sisters ex? Your exs brother? How exactly are you linked to this man?

If you’re at work, and not planning on booking the week off, how can you look after the child anyway? Unless you work 9-3 or something?

What did you actually say to him when he asked? Have you agreed to do it?

If a mother dumped her kid with unreliable childcare for a holiday she would be flayed alive, on her and IRL. WTF?

"Frankly it was a piss take asking for two days, I am not doing anymore than two days"

Why do so few women stand up for themselves? What he is asking is OUTRAGEOUS.

Do you want me to call your BIL for you to tell him that you are not available?

So you’re doing it are you? You don’t have to, you can message him right now and say no, it’s not happening and he’ll have to sort something.

Or you can list all of the many reasons it’s hugely inconvenient while letting him treat you like a bloody doormat. Up to you.

Your ex-brother in law?

Presumably you get on with him, but it seems strange to be asking his brother's ex to babysit. This "brother" of his who was supposed to do it isn't your ex-husband perchance?

Your Ex BIL ? So is this child your sister's boy ? Where is she ? If he is your ExH brother why are you even involved? To be fair to him , it seems he did have childcare sorted but has been ket down at the last minute. Hard to understand why he planned to go away when he has his son . If you can manage it, it would be kind of you . But I would want to paid something because of the inconvenience and fuel .etc.

You can say no OP. He should cancel his holiday if he genuinely can’t get childcare. Why should your week be derailed to facilitate his lads trip (or other presumably selfish reason he’s going on holiday without his son).

He's a single parent and the mother is absent..he doesn't get to go on holiday alone, sorry. He needs to suck it up and book holidays that include his son

I can't understand why that means he asks you? He's your ex BIL? Its literally not your problem whatsoever. What about the person who is presumably the link between you eg your sister? ie the boy's mum? Is he her ex? Or is he your ex husband's brother in which case has he asked your ex husband? Grandparents? Poor kid. He needs to cancel the holiday.

I expect he's asked you because you're a kind person and he knows/thinks that you can be persuaded - but it's a big ask given that you have to stay at his house!

That makes me sympathise more, if he is always sorting out his child, so it's not like the odd day he was supposed to sort and didn't, but like others, I'd ask him why he was going without his kid, and it is still an imposition on you.
In your shoes, if I could help, I would-the kid is your nephew, he is already missing one parent, and it's good to help family-you never know, they might help you in the future. But it depends how difficult it is for you-suggest other people who might not be working eg do all the grandparents work, or could they do some?

Why is it your problem if he will lose money? Surely it's his brother's fault and they should sort it out between them?

Seriously?! Tough shit! You could lose your job if you're unable to work properly because you're babysitting. He's obviously realised you're a soft touch as he's come back and demanded more of you. If his (paid) childcare has fallen through, he'll have to sort other childcare or not do whatever is taking him away. It's what mothers do all the time.

nope
no way

I’d say no to all the childcare now as I’d be worried that if I said no to 3 more days but OK to the first two, that the CF would say it’s for 2 days only, put nothing else in place then tell you whilst abroad he needs the last 3 days.

Say no sorry I can’t and don’t explain why.

Either just say no, or say yes while outlining how inconvenient it is and telling him how he can mitigate that for you. Whether that's paying you for your time, or using his time to do something for you - diy, decorating, gardening...

Yes I’d do it as I go out of my way for family and they often do for me. Don’t understand the ‘I wouldn’t care about his holiday’ lot. Pretty cold.

If it was for a friend, probably not.

Sorry I’m working all week and not available.

You could just say no. Can people not even ask people to babysit anymore without them getting offended?

I’d probably do it if it didn’t inconvenience me with work etc even if it is last minute. It wouldn’t really bother me tbh

How about suggesting that your nephew stays with you and he arranges care for his pets

Has he booked a holiday for the week his ds goes back to school? I hope not.

This is not your problem to solve

The kid is your nephew - from what direct relation? You say ex bil - whose husband was he? Looks like his siblings are going to have to step up more. Not your circus.