To feel ambushed into providing child care

[chasegirl]

My ex brother in law has booked a holiday next week for a week. He is a single Dad to my nephew. He had child care sorter, I thought anyway. This childcare turns out to be a bit flakey so he has asked me if I can do a few days to help. It would mean staying at his house cos of their pets. I work full time and have a 6 day week next week. He didn't give ne any warning just turned up this evening to ask

Why on earth is he going on holiday without his child?

Send him a text now saying that you’ve rechecked your schedule for the week and it won’t be possible. Or if you do want to do it then what will make it possible? DN staying at your house with animals in care and all meals prepared and provided?

Put your foot down or ge will do this forever

Perhaps he can take that up with the person who let him down. It’s not your job to run around after a man who can’t organise his life.

Yes, how is he related to you?

Where's the other parent in this?

Does he usually have shared care? I.e. could he have planned the trip for another time when his DS wasn't meant to be with him?

I don't think he understands the imposition at all.

That's a great point

Other parent not around

Tell him you’ve got other commitments. You don’t have to offer any further explanation.

Would your 19 yo be available to do it for £££

Tell him you can’t get the time of work so you are unable to do it. Sorted! He will just never learn if you acquiesce to this OP. It’s his own brother who shud feel guilty for letting him down. Where is the poor child’s mother?

Lol no not for a week, she's not very xhild orientated at the moment

Of course he doesn't, you have a fanny. It's your job to save him from his own disorganisation.

Why are you agreeing to do something you don't want to do? This is not your problem.

I sort of understand. I have to house sit my daughter’s dog when she (reluctantly) goes away without him. I do it willingly but even though she is only about 5 minutes walk from my house remembering to take clothes and all my clutter is a faff. I only work about 7 hours a week too.

For me this post offers what would be a good solution. You are still being kind to your nephew - but the hassle of the car, feeding the pets, taking clothes- all resolved.

Why isnt he taking his child on holiday?

So you’re doing the two plus extra three days? He’s away for a week, who is doing the other two?

It’s not a few days, it’s 5/7!

Better if he booked his holiday and took his child with him!

Neither is his dad from the sound of it.

Why couldn't he take his kid with him on holiday? A bit mean dumping him on relatives the first week of term. If he loses money he'll be more sensible next time.
You can either say no and feel guilty (you don't need to) or say yes and feel resentful. Your choice.

I mean you're the wet lettuce/chump agreeing to it. Say no.

Where’s the child’s mother - your sibling or sibling-in-law? Shouldn’t they be first point of call?

His sister

What would make it acceptable to you? Having the boy at your house? All the animals into kennels or boarding? Your daughter coming too? Meals provided or money left for some takeaways? A reciprocal arrangement whereby he looks after your pets for your next holiday? If there is nothing then say no, it's really not your fault or responsibility.

Is he planning on paying you?

No, I wouldn’t do any days. I have never booked a holiday on my own..because I have kids! I take them with me if I go away-that’s what you do. Not try to fob them off of random family members and whinge you’ll lose money if they don’t want to

No is a complete sentence.