To get annoyed with five year old during meltdown?

[losingmypatiencerapidly]

I know it flies in the face of what you are ‘supposed’ to do which is stay calm, hold the boundary and acknowledge the feeling but it seems to fuel the situation with my DS and he gets more and more worked up. Whereas when you get a bit annoyed with him it seems to settle him?

A short, sharp telling off always worked better with ds than 30 minutes of pandering/negotiation/explaining.

Do what works for your child, OP. Only you can confirm if it settles him, as per your second question.

Thanks. I feel bad as it seems to fly in the face of recommended parenting techniques but it honestly seems to work him up more if I stay calm!

Do whatever works. I’ve found some children respond better to a short sharp “stop” “enough”while others prefer a soothing talk and other just to ignore and keep watch. Provided you’re not losing it and having an epic shouting tantrum yourself!

Do what works! Especially at that age they should be starting to rationalise and understand more than say a 2 year old

I agree, sometimes that's a more appropriate response, depending on what caused the meltdown etc.

I don't think it's healthy to try not to tell them off or show annoyance. OK, age 1 they don't get that. But age 5, they do know when they've crossed the line.

It sounds more like a tantrum than a meltdown, if you being cross and him knowing he's not going to get whatever it is as a result means he stops the behaviour.

I don't think a meltdown would let him have that rational/logical thought process and be able to stop.

Well, I have to admit I’m never sure where the distinction lies. But I wouldn’t have called it a tantrum as such, screaming, sobbing inconsolably, pleading with me, shrieking.

I would say that a meltdown pertains particularly to an ND child, where they really do lose control of their emotions completely.

Yes, same with both of mine.

I can’t quite believe some of what passes for parenting advice now. Some of it seems to be advocating repeated desperate attempts to placate a child who is kicking off when what that child needs is a firm telling off. DS2 loved talking and I found that the only way to stop him talking incessantly when I was trying to concentrate on driving was to bark a word at him. I settled on ‘junction’. When I shouted that, he shut up. Someone tried to tell me that I should explain gently to him that mummy needs to concentrate on driving at busy junctions. Really? No, he learned quickly that when I used that word he needed to shut up immediately.

Don’t beat yourself up op. Indulgent parenting is fashionable but not particularly effective. A good bollocking now and again from an otherwise loving parent is still the optimum and what a lot more kids need. Maybe we wouldn’t have the mental health crisis among young people if parents and teachers were more authoritative.

I’m not beating myself up. More wondering if anyone else’s child is / was like this. I wonder with ds if it’s because if you stay calm as he gets more and more worked up it seems to almost mock his state of mind, while getting annoyed does seem to snap him out of it (fairly mild annoyance tbf.)

You can calm him down and you think just wrong ? As long as you are not terrifying the child

It’s how I calm him down I’m wondering.

When you read multiple things that all say the most important thing is staying calm during a tantrum / meltdown it’s difficult when that just doesn’t work.

Tantrum or meltdown? They are not the same thing and so require different approaches.

You're supposed to stay calm for a genuine meltdown that's out of their control. A tantrum usually needs a firm word to get a grip of the situation rather than pandering to them, given that you getting annoyed worked I'd say it was likely that he was having a tantrum. What led to the behaviour?

Neither seems to work with mine, shouting upsets her more and there’s absolutely no reasoning with her when she’s that worked up. Only totally ignoring it works! Just waiting her out - she seems to tire of it quicker when I’m not giving any more input of any kind.

He wanted to watch a TV programme and I said no. That started it but he seemed to forget the cause of the upset and was just getting more and more hysterical. I wouldn’t personally describe it as a tantrum but others probably disagree.