AIBU to want more thought than just books and a card?

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I have been married for a long time now, and get really fed up that my husband is so unimaginative when giving presents.
He thinks it's far more important to put a loving message in a card.
It's always bloody books. I am a reader, but i'd like something that shows he's thought about it for more than 2 minutes.
AIBU?

There is no better present than a book but if you're not happy with his gifts just send him some suggestions a suitable length of time before the event.

I think books are a lovely present. What did you want? Did you tell him prior? Or does he have to be a mystic meg?

Have you told him? Have you made suggestions of other things that you’d like? If he’s always been like this what makes you think he’s going to suddenly, magically change? A lovely card with a heartfelt message and books he knows you’ll read is not an awful gift. It does rather hinge around the question about whether you’ve said anything or not. Presuming he’s a good guy and a decent, loving husband in many other ways then he perhaps just needs some guidance. Some people are gift givers some people are not.

Men are a bit dim, even the good ones. They don't get hints and DH often says to me, if you want something just tell me exactly what it is. It's not a surprise but I get what I want.

I've been married for almost 25 years and have run out of stuff to buy dh. I snaffle whatever he orders off Amazon for a couple of weeks before and wrap it.

DH buys loads of presents but often stuff that I don’t want or need (he then grumbles about the amount of stuff we have 🙄) I’ve taken to giving him a nudge in the right direction. Even if it’s an Amazon or M&S voucher! This year I’m asking for money as I would like a national trust membership.

Is he aware of how you feel? E.g. have you previously told him that you would like him to put more thought into presents and avoid books if possible? If not then I think you are being unreasonable, but if you have and he’s ignored it then he’s being an arsehole.

DH and I (together over 50 years) have stopped buying each other presents. He has many redeeming qualities but thoughtful present buying isn’t one of them sadly. I prefer not to get a present than to be frustrated every time by feeling that he actually doesn’t know me at all.

I’d love to get books as a present- I don’t think it’s unimaginative but if you do just tell him no books!

ps sorry but I have to say that if he writes a lovely thing in a card it’s lovely- you’re definitely going to have to give him hints because so many people I know would swoon over what you don’t like!!!!!

hi all, thank you all for your responses. Contrary to the usual spirit of AIBU, I've actually made me step back and rethink this.

I’d value a loving message in a card more than a gift tbh. You’re a reader and he’s buying you books knowing you enjoy them. YABU

My darling late father always used to compose a little sonnet for Ma, every year (and he’d arrange an evening jaunt along the coast to some favourite restaurant too when they were older and free of us)
Ma was incredibly hard to buy for (middle name Anne Hedonier), so something very personal from Pa was just the ticket, though it involved no shopping.

(But shop he could. He always bought me the perfect, unexpected book/LP at Christmas)

One idea I used to do with dh is send him a selection of acceptable options that he'd buy one from eg 3 handbags and then I'd have an element of surprise!

We did this one year but for Christmas we agreed to send a selection of ideas and we would choose one. I stuck to it but my DH bought me everything on my list! I was so embarrassed opening all the gifts Xmas morning when I bought him just the one!

I think you need to tell him what you would like. Or send him a selection of ideas. Otherwise you will be disappointed.

Sometimes even that doesn't work. My Ex simply checked all the suggestions online and bought the cheapest one. It didn't occur to him to think what would give most pleasure.

Is your money shared, or do you keep separate accounts? Could you not suggest you choose something for yourself paid for out of the joint account as a birthday present from him?

Assuming he is buying you books he thinks you will enjoy, rather than picking whatever is today’s bestseller regardless of genre or topic, YABU.

Add a thoughtful message in the card and YABVU!

Lots of women would love a partner who did that rather than spend their budget on random jewellery and a generic “Happy Birthday,
love DH”

Provided the books are ones you’ll read and not random shite he’s finding in Waterstones then I think it is thoughtful actually. You’re a reader, he’s thinking of you when buying them.

He is a man. What do you expect? Stop moaning!

Have you actually told him this? I agree that it's crap to give the same thing every year, but if he, as you say, isn't great at figuring out what to you, I think there's nothing wrong with pushing him in the right direction. Maybe don't say anything now, but a couple of months before your next birthday, actually tell him, "are we doing birthday gifts this year? Because if we are, I have a wishlist for a change. It'd make me really happy to receive something from it, and they are all things I could really use". Then give him a list.

My husband just looks at my Pinterest profile to find inspiration, but that only works if you actively use your account.

Tell your husband exactly what you want.

I do. I don't care about cards.

Yes. You do need to combine with a strict budget 😂

Books and a card are what I love. Well, actually, a card and money so I can buy my own books.

I'd tell him explicitly what you want.

A lovely message in a card sounds perfect. And a book is my favourite gift.

(this year from my partner I got nothing not even a card.)

if you would like something else try a few hints or write a list.

What do you buy him?