What to do when your husband won’t agree with your parenting decisions.

[toesinsand]

I have two children of the same sex and the younger is prone to hitting the other, has adhd and is on the autism pathway.
Recent adhd diagnosis and meds are making no difference.
The hitting has really ramped up lately and attempt to stop this behaviour have not worked as it continues so I made the decision to separate them as it wasn’t fair for the children to share a room so I separated their bedrooms to allow the children to have a safe space each but my husband has put the bedrooms back how they were saying we are having our bedroom back.

He is not budging on his decision and I don’t know if I have any legal grounds here but it’s a housing association property and we are both joint tenants so I don’t know where I stand with him preventing me from keeping my child safe as it’s both our home and we both have parental responsibility.
Any conversations end in disagreement and absolute refusal from him even though he has no alternative suggestions to offer and also can’t manage the child’s behaviour.

You gave up your bedroom so they could have a room each ?

did you give up your (parental?) bedroom without discussing with your husband?

Your heart may be in the right place but if you did you’re seriously damaging your marriage - which will also have a detrimental effect on your kids

You gave up your bedroom without discussing it with your husband? Of course that's unreasonable and he wants his bedroom back.

You need to sort out boundaries, with behaviour, for your son together, not give up your bedroom. Parenting is a joint thing.

Was the decision for the children to have separate bedrooms made jointly?

This. Did you not discuss it? You two really need to talk.

I’m guessing he didn’t like sleeping in the living room? I mean where were you and he sleeping?

So you decided unilaterally that you and your husband would sleep where exactly?

Yabu - and ridiculous talking about legal grounds.

Your children are both of your children, and decisions like this need to be calmly discussed together, with a list of pros and cons made and respectful listening to each others views if there is disagreement.

It is not “my parenting decisions” , it is “our parenting decisions.”

You don’t get to unilaterally decide on this, or on where your husband sleeps. These are discussions that need to be had.

You gave up your (and presumably his) own bedroom without even talking to your husband? Having a SEN child myself I understand they can need there own space but this really needs to be a discussion. Did you even look at any other alternatives like a room divider? Or creating a den in the room for the SEN child. If children genuinely need their own rooms due to SEN then you'll be eligible for a bigger property, though appreciate waiting lists are long.
Ultimately if you can't discuss something this major with your husband and are considering legal options, then it sounds like your marriage is pretty broken and the only real option is divorce. Be prepared for him to parent his way when he has the kids though.

Do you mean to say that you kicked your husband out of his bedroom and gave it to your child without even discussing it? Completely unacceptable.

Of course he won't agree when big decisions such as this are being made without his input. I'd dig my heels in too.

You don’t get to unilaterally make decisions. You make it sound like he works for you! Giving up your bedroom to separate your children is an extreme reaction to them fighting.

I'd be peeved if my husband made such a big decision about our household and our children unilaterally so yabu. I don't agree with him doing it back to you either. You two need to really talk about solutions to the problem, whether thats trying to get a 3 bedroom house so the kids can have their own bedroom or repurposing a room if that's an option. You certainly legally have no leg to stand on.

Aside from all the advice above I agree with.

If you are HA and you need an extra bedroom due to disability you can get an OT report or social services and apply for a move.

Not a short term solution but longer term it’ll work.

Also if you have a dining room can that be converted to a bedroom?

Or a stud wall across the boys rooms to separate them?

Another one here shocked that you took your dh's bedroom away from him without him asking. Is he the one who pays the rent? Not that it matters.