I have a friend who I’ve been friends with for close to 20 years. The last several years were very hard for me. She knows this. Well, the last year things have been looking up for me, not perfect, and I don’t say, “Oh my life is so great now,” but I’ve noticed she tends to bring up the past like very painful topics for me and not offer any support or kindness.
Like she brings up my painful family estrangement every few weeks unprompted and asks the same questions (they haven’t contacted you, how terrible!) knowing I’ve moved, changed my phone number, etc.
She knows the answers, it’s like she’s trying to provoke a reaction. I feel so terrible after talking to her. I’ve told her before I wanted to move on from this. She will also make random jabs about embarrassing moments from my past consistently out of the blue.
Shes going through a hard time now since she’s in her 50s with a young child and she’s never really worked. I stay positive and offer to help her find a job.
Her ex husband can’t hold a job and she was fully reliant on her mom’s income. Her mother passed away earlier this year, and my friend has always had extreme spending issues. I sent her some money for her mom’s funeral. She also stays up all night and will maybe get 3-4 hours of sleep.
I have to say she didn’t use to treat me like this before she was in such a vulnerable position, and I was doing horribly but it’s like since she’s stressed she lashes out at me. Life before she might say something randomly hurtful but now she really digs in salting my wounds. She had a history of being verbally abusive with her exes and her mom.
She also forgot my birthday this year which is no big deal but our birthdays are less than two weeks apart, and a text would’ve been nice considering she always remembers her other childhood friends birthdays.
AIBU?