AIBU to worry my stepdaughter is rushing a move for love?

[Arewegonnaaddressthefrog]

This could be a little hard to follow for context so I’ll sort that now.
I have a 26 year old DSD, I have been in her life since she was 2 years old, and even though her father and I are now divorced, we are still close.

My DSD was born and raised in France, her mum is Italian, her father French. At 22 after university she decided to move to London. Her father and I had also recently moved to London for my career with our at the time 13 and 14 year olds.
Her father has since returned to Paris as we got divorced.

DSD isn’t close to her mum at all, they haven’t seen each other in over 6 years. I view her as one of my own and adore her.

Now to the problem, 7 months ago while on a trip DSD met her current boyfriend, however he lives in Paris. They have been maintaining long distance since then, every other weekend one of them gets on the Eurostar, they have been on holiday together, and that every other weekend is getting increasingly replaced with every weekend or just arrive on Wednesday and stay until Monday.

Originally DSD said she would return to Paris when the right job opportunity comes up, he is freelance and a creative so might not get a uk VISA easily, while she is obviously a French citizen so can move back anytime.

However yesterday she told me she is going to hand in her notice and leave at the end of the year as long distance is getting too difficult. I asked her if she had a job lined up and she said she was also just going to go freelance for a while (also a creative but was in a role that qualified for skilled worker). She understood this may set her back in her career for sometime but feels it’s risk worth taking.

However I’m concerned she isn’t fully aware of what she is giving up, if 4 months later they break up, her job won’t be waiting for her in London, she may not be able to get another job very easily and would be without a visa for living in the uk. I’m worried she is getting ahead of herself.
She had an awful break up in 2025 that really upset her for months on end and still does at times so I’m also worried she is partially running away from her ex (he’s not dangerous but she’s given up entire hobbies as seeing him hurts too much and avoids parts of London that remind her of him), rather than addressing that head on and claiming back her life.

AIBU to be worried? Should I say anything or just leave her be as she is an adult?

Not unreasonable to be worried, but apart from mentioning the visa thing in passing 'have you thought about...' there's not much you can do.

Maybe ask some coaching type questions like 'what is your plan for xyz' but if she's prickly and doesn't want your involvement you'll have to step back.

As above I would probably mention the visa thing in passing but she’s an adult and can make her own decisions but you’re not unreasonable to be a bit worried.

She's 26, has a job-worthy skill, it's not her first relationship. I can understand you're a bit worried, but she's not a young girl going mad for the first boy she sees. You have to let this play out.

She's 26. Its a bit patronising to just assume she hasn't thought it through and considered her options.
It might not work out, she will be well aware of that with a Dad that's been divorced twice. But she won't know if she doesn't try will she? Sometimes you've got to jump in.

Sounds like she might rather be back in Paris regardless of the boyfriend.

Not unreasonable to be worried, but at 26 she has to be able to make her own mistakes. I’d just check she is aware of the visa situation and maybe wonder out loud if there was a possibility of the boyfriend moving here instead, just to check these factors have at least occurred to her.

I wouldn’t go down the route of “but what if you break up?” because it inevitably comes across as patronising at any age and actually at 26, it’s perfectly reasonable to think this is the person she will marry and spend her life with.

I think it’s the best time for her to take risks, live in different places and do different jobs. I had a similar situation at 25 - had a terrible break up and just had to get away from the city I was living in. I quit my job, gave up my rented flat, sold my car and arranged to go travelling with friends for 4 months. My mum was horrified and worried I was “giving everything up” and would “come back to nothing”. I had a few years experience in my career under my belt and planned to get temporary locum work in said job role when I returned to get me back on my feet. It all worked out - I had an amazing time travelling and spent the next couple of years working temporary jobs to fund other trips and also lived & worked abroad for a while. I was able to get back into my career, I don’t think the gaps in my CV have ever held me back and I’m so glad I had those couple of years of fun and freedom. It really changed my mindset and priorities for the better.

I’m 36 now, successful in my career, homeowner, engaged, and have a toddler with another baby on the way.

Do have a chat with your DSD about her plans, it’s normal that you’d be interested in her decisions, and make sure she is aware of decisions with significant implications (visa). It’ll all work out as it’s supposed to for your DSD and even if this relationship doesn’t last, the move could bring other unexpected benefits to her life.