FIL calling me a bitch

[fireflies9]

it was my daughters birthday party and my FIL called me a bitch, however I’m not sure how much of it was a joke or if he meant it.

My husband and I were in a group talking about possibly moving away in the future and my husband left to get a drink leaving me with the in laws.

My FIL asked me point blank when I was going back to work as I’m on mat leave and pregnant again with my second, to which I replied I’ve got time to think about it with the second on the way and my FIL replied saying ‘well you won’t be going on our payroll, bitch’

The payroll he’s referring to is my husbands business, my husband owns 100% shares but my FIL helps out with admin. My MIL has been a SAHM mum since the kids were born and not had a job since so it’s not exactly like it’s something he fundamentally disagrees with.

It all felt a bit weird and out of the blue and in the moment I laughed it off and just said ‘we’ll see, I’m off to get a drink’ and left but I got upset and had a cry in the bathroom after I left lol probably hormones from the pregnancy.

He does have a track record of bad jokes but im just a bit fed up with them because it feels like he means them and only says stuff like this when my husband isn’t there.

If your dh doesn’t 1000% have your back here, don’t work for his company. Keep your separate income.

Your pregnancy hormones are not what is making you cry. Your asshole of a FIL is. Do not minimise or excuse his nastiness.

This is outrageous, on what planet would this be funny? Personall, I woild want a proper apology and explanation from fil or I would have nothing to do with him again.

Your FIL hates you

That's a ridiculously bold claim to make based on one sentence that even OP thinks might have been a clumsy joke@outerspacepotato . And it's actively cruel for you to suggest that to OP.

Plus this FIL is giving free labour to the business. He was completely out of order, but that level of dependency probaly does make him feel 'owed'.

I agree with PP, I'd have serious concerns about working for this business. I think OP (and all women) needs to keep a level of independence.

Bearing in mind that much of Mumsnet seems to regard the word cunt as an endearment, there will be people who think this is OK. It would be completely unacceptable in my family. You have to have to decide what side of the fence you’re on.

Her FIL said that to her at a child's birthday party.

It's not me that's cruel. She needs to know where she stands here that her FIL would dare say that to her while she's pregnant with his grandchild to boot.

This post is so ludicrously hyperbolic that it's embarassing

If this was an ordinary company, and the accounts/admin assistant spoke like that to a woman who was already recruited for a job there after maternity leave

He'd potentially be subject to a disciplinary procedure wouldn't he?

Not just for calling a female colleague to be a bitch, but telling her she wouldn't be welcome to start working there and claiming ownership of the company, when he had no shares and when the Boss had already decided she would be suitable to work there.

Seriously, he's awful. I hope your DH has words with him. I'd also make efforts to avoid him as much as possible. But I think he'd make your working life there hell.
Which is probably why he said it, to put you off as much as possible because he sees it as his domain. Miserable so and so.

I would be highly offended.

That's no joke and it's not 'our' payroll, it's your husband's.

He sounds very threatened by you ... if he excuses that as a "joke" no way, I wouldn't accept to be spoken to like that. Hope your ok xx

If he knows anything about payroll, he'd know it's usual for small buisness owners to put wives, who don't work elsewhere, on the payroll for tax efficiency, even where they don't have much of a role in the business. (between the two of you you take the same salary, but get two income tax allowances)

Well, that has helped you enormously in the future @fireflies9 There will come a day when your FIL needs more support and care. And you will feel no guilt at stepping right back.

What a horrid man.

How old is he? This sounds completely unhinged.

That is appalling, OP! You're his son's wife, and the mother to his grandchildren.

I am also not very good at confrontation, but it is things like this that are making me learn. It turns out that the men who can give it don't like it when you give it back. Good luck with serving it up cold in future, it's no wonder that you're moving, and best wishes for your pregnancy.