FIL calling me a bitch

[fireflies9]

it was my daughters birthday party and my FIL called me a bitch, however I’m not sure how much of it was a joke or if he meant it.

My husband and I were in a group talking about possibly moving away in the future and my husband left to get a drink leaving me with the in laws.

My FIL asked me point blank when I was going back to work as I’m on mat leave and pregnant again with my second, to which I replied I’ve got time to think about it with the second on the way and my FIL replied saying ‘well you won’t be going on our payroll, bitch’

The payroll he’s referring to is my husbands business, my husband owns 100% shares but my FIL helps out with admin. My MIL has been a SAHM mum since the kids were born and not had a job since so it’s not exactly like it’s something he fundamentally disagrees with.

It all felt a bit weird and out of the blue and in the moment I laughed it off and just said ‘we’ll see, I’m off to get a drink’ and left but I got upset and had a cry in the bathroom after I left lol probably hormones from the pregnancy.

He does have a track record of bad jokes but im just a bit fed up with them because it feels like he means them and only says stuff like this when my husband isn’t there.

That’s disgusting way to speak to you, ‘joke’ or not.

He does have a track record of bad jokes but im just a bit fed up with them because it feels like he means them and only says stuff like this when my husband isn’t there.

It probably sounds consistent with his track record. Have you told your husband what he says? What's your husband's response? I'd be tempted to record his conversations and play them back to your husband later.

This is not a great way to speak to you. If he says ‘our’ company again them I would politely remind him that it is your husband’s company.

What a vile man. He's probably feeling threatened that you will take his job. If I were a vindictive person and FIL said this to me, I might feel like having a word with my DH about making FIL redundant.

Disgusting man. Firm boundaries needed here. I hope your husband has your back?

I would've asked when he went from part-time office boy to company owner.

But obviously I would've told him never to call me a bitch again.

How did your husband react to his father calling you a bitch - assuming you told him, as he wasn't there to witness it?

Damn. There's bad joke and theres nasty. Theres a saying. Something like 'many a true word said in jest' ? He said it to you when your husband was out of earshot.

What??? In all this story, it’s the “bitch” that you’re finding weird (although it is shocking, granted). What does your DH think his dad was saying?

That's disgusting. If it were me I'd make sure I was put on the payroll.

I’m not very good at sticking up for myself as I hate confrontation & my FIL is sick long term at the moment so I feel like I can’t say much back. Plus this passive aggressiveness is exhausting and I’d rather just cut ties. I told my husband and he’s going to have a word with him.

The in laws have recently offered my husband early inheritance for house reno so I feel like I can’t fall out with them because they’ve been generous financially. It’s too late building wise to cancel but probably a lesson learnt to decline any generous gifts in the future as it feels like more of a burden.

He sounds like a nasty piece of work. He thinks it’s reasonable to speak to his son’s wife this way??

That is a staggeringly awful thing to say to your son's wife.

OP, would you confirm whether you work for your husband's company and what he said when you told him please ?
However, calling anyone a bitch isn't funny, jokey, whatever.

@grumpygrapei don’t work for my husband at the moment I work for a company completely unrelated and on mat leave, however it has been the long term plan after kids to work for my husband part time for flexibility.

He sounds a nasty piece of work! Calling someone a bitch is not ok even if he was joking!

That is absolutely horrible. Hateful man.

well you won’t be going on our payroll, bitch’

That was no joke. Your FIL hates you and thinks you're a drain on his son. Extremely, extremely aggressive and disrespectful.

Is he part owner of your husband's business? Because when he said ours, he sees it as his. If he's really only doing admin, he's way, way out of his lane.

Talk to your husband about what FIL said to you. This needs to be addressed immediately because of the extreme aggressiveness he showed to you and while you're pregnant too.

Those are literally fighting words where I'm from. I'm sorry you have to deal with this man at all.

I’d have answered with, ‘Er, excuse me? It’s not your business’.
I sincerely hope you told your husband that your FIL called you a bitch.

He was warning you to get back to work and earn your own money and not to expect to be paid from the family business. There was no punchline, it was not a joke and he waited until your husband was out of ear shot. Nasty.

This is horrendous. Are they a mysoginistic family type? Eg the women are there to fuck and breed with and look pretty and the men do the money?

You MIL was there when he said this and didn't react?

I went no contact with my daughter’s paternal grandparents because they called me names in front of her.

@CustardySergeantyes exactly, she never does but if my husband said something like that in front of me to someone else I would’ve called him out and let it known it’s unacceptable

Inexcusable. Just vile.