Am I wrong to want good sex in my 50’s

[Abby23]

Am i being unreasonable to move on with my life and stay single?

met a seemingly lovely divorcee 6 years ago.

great sex and he appears to dote on me. Albeit, he is very dogmatic in approach and very opinionated but his heart is pure and in the right place.

a year into the relationship he got an infection called h pilori.he was very sick with it. (Google if you don't know pls b4 commenting)

It’s all cleared up now and he is healthy. Aparently he said when he was ill the doctor told him to refrain from certain sexual acts. Since the infection 5 years ago, no oral sex(sorry if TMI), no kissing… im frustrated. I have no infections ( never had) and sex is no good for me without the above. Tried to talk about it, he wont engage. He still wants to be with me and I think he does love me but i feel like a 90 year old. He is 60 and im 54.

when we met it was fireworks. I know im old too but is this what is meant by…. In sickness and in health?..,,we are not married and he is healthy now.

im at my wits end. He does not like talking about anything. Sex which happened every day has probably occurred 3 times this year. And the sex was to please him, not me. I cannot get turned on if you don’t kiss me at the very least.

advise pls. Im fed up. I feel like we are just companions/ friends. I’m a young 54 year old, I go to the gym, look after myself, get hit on by young guys all the time but I don’t want that.. He is 60 going on 79, won’t walk anywhere, sits all day, hates the outdoors, gym, exercise etc

Yes, move on!

Hit the road Abby and don't you come back no more, no more.

Go see a doctor both of you. Get things explained.
It sounds weird if he is healthy.
If he doesn't want to get things working move on.
And no you are not unreasonable.

Once treated the reoccurrence rate is low especially for kissing. The fact he won’t even talk about it and you’re just expected to put up with it, would be a no from me. You’re still so young to give up great sex!

I had H.Plyori, discovered when a stomach ulcer I didn’t know I had perforated, it was cleared up in a week with antibiotics. Was never told not to do certain sexual acts.

I would say he had something more serious than this.

Anyway, life’s too short. If you’re not happy move on whilst you still can.

To clarify the Hpilori was discovered when he had a stomach ulcer.

im so fed up with this and it makes me feel like a sex addict when all I want is a normal life

I’d never heard of this infection and just googled it. It appears that it can be passed through saliva so I can understand his reluctance, it’s not the sexiest thing either so that could be affecting his sex drive? Either way, you don’t want to catch this or stay in a sexless relationship so it’s a lose/lose unless you leave, as far as I can see.

I was puzzled at first by the confusing (female) divorcee reference. Seriously, however: to prevent him getting reinfected (a) you should be tested (just a blood test) to make sure you are free of the disease, and when it comes back negative then (b) you should both be monogamous (which I gather you would be anyway). Then you can both bounce off the ceiling as much as you want!

@Vaguelyclassical he’s a man. I’m a woman. I’ve been tested and I don’t have the infection. He also claims he’s cleared.

he nearly died so maybe he’s now too scared

This!

Are you sure he hasn't developed ED problems and the stomach ulcer/pylori isn't just an excuse?

I've never come across anyone being told to refrain from kissing and oral sex after having pylori. Maybe that was more to do with the burst stomach ulcer? (although it still seems very odd).

Btw, to answer your original question no, your not too old to expect good sex in your 50s, or at any age in fact.

I’ve just googled it as had never heard of it and it says even with the infection the risk of passing it on via kissing is low, so after being treated 5 years ago and clear since then surely the risk is now zero?
I’d maybe try one more time to talk to him about how important oral activities are to you (I couldn’t manage without kissing! In fact I’d take kissing over sex sometimes) and explain to him that you can’t live like this and that if he can’t budge (or come up with a better reason than an infection that was treated 5 years ago) then the relationship has run its course.
Looking at the last bit of your post it looks like you have problems outside the bedroom too if he won’t go anywhere or do anything so even if the sex improved I’m guessing there would still be problems.
I hope you find a way through/ out.