Just need to function better. How?

[bosslady24]

I really feel like I’m failing at life at the moment. Two dc - one teen, one in infants. Age gap is tricky. Work part time hours but have to be around for school pick ups so rarely get any time alone. Weekends are taken up with activities. My youngest is quite demanding. I feel tired and anxious all of the time. My house is always a mess, I’m ashamed to have people over. I need to do a massive declutter and deep clean but there is never the time for it. My anxiety has been sky high lately and I feel totally stressed and jittery all the time. No family support and Dh works full time and so the majority of kid stuff and life admin falls on me but is completely overlooked and unappreciated by everyone.

I actually fantasise about going off sick from work just for a few weeks so I can have some time at home (when the kids are back at school) just to be alone and recuperate and get some stuff done. I can’t do it obviously but I’d love to. I don’t fully understand what burnout is but I sometimes feel like I’m close to it. The summer holidays have been a nightmare with childcare and managing the age gap and both kids individually although teen generally does their own thing.

I know this is the reality for many parents but it all just feels really hard at the moment. Mentally and physically I feel rotten.

Are you going through the menopause? Maybe get some HRT and a cleaner / housekeeper!

Solidarity, OP. I am so drained by how bitty and unsatisfyingly incoherent life is as the main admin / childcare / housework person doing all the school runs and pet care and schlepping around, while working part time.

Nothing ever gets fully done before you have to do it all over again, and the work spans so many different domains. There’s so much to keep track of, and so many people’s (and creatrues’) needs to balance - so much long-range planning and moment-to-moment ducking and weaving and crisis management.

In all honestly with two kids, one fairly independent, and part time work, this should be manageable with a supportive partner. I’m betting on a DH problem.

DH problem and/or undiagnosed SEN in demanding younger child and/or perimenopause, plus this is the point in the summer where life abruptly feels completely unbearable and everyone just needs to get the fuck back to school

Dh helps in some practical ways - pulls his weight around the house, cooks, gardens. But it all just feels relentless at the moment. Maybe it’s me. I feel tired, anxious and unable to cope a lot of the time. I’m 40 so could be peri.

OP I think you’ve won mumsnet bingo - all problems must be peri/ND/solved by getting a cleaner. Sometimes life is overwhelming and the Summer holidays can be tough. If you can hold on a few more weeks can you take annual leave or go sick when the schools go back? That way you’ll at least have time to yourself to recover and reassess and problem solve. It sounds like you are physically and emotionally burnt out, there’s no shame in that.

Why is it obvious that you can’t go off sick? I did this for the reasons you’ve mentioned (to get rest, sort house out etc) and I honestly think it saved me from going into full mental/ physical breakdown. I worry what would have happened if I’d just kept going as I felt so much better once I’d removed the pressure of work for a short period. Speak to your GP.

I just don’t feel like it would be justified. Like it’s just everyday life isn’t it. It’s a slog sure but it shouldn’t be making me ‘unwell’. I can’t take annual leave because it needs to be saved up for school holidays and childcare.

Summer has definitely intensified things but even when we are back in the school routine I can’t see it changing. I’m either working or with my dc. I don’t want a break to go out and do spa days or hikes or anything, I just need some downtime alone to get stuff done and relax.

If she could afford that, she could afford unpaid leave, which every parent can take.
OP, I think anxiety is causing a lot of issues. Can you tackle that first? Get to the GP? How old is the baby, could you leave the baby with your teen (paid) and you declutter? It's clutter and washing that gets a lot of people down. Can you pay your teen to clean? Women didn't run the house on their own, years ago, the children pitched in. You have weekends, there are two of you (DH) you need to tell him how you are feeling and both get stuck in.