AIBU to oppose a GCSE remark and sixth form waiting list?

[CupOfTeaTwoSugars]

So, my DD didn’t do as well in her GCSEs as she expected. She passed them all, but the grades weren’t high enough to get into the grammar sixth form she wanted to go to.

i feel the marks were probably fair, as she didn’t work as hard as she should have done and has been used to coasting through life.
she has got a place in a non grammar sixth form, which seems ok, but the results aren’t as good as the sight form she wanted to go to.

Her school have suggested she get two papers remarked as she’s close to the grade boundary on them. If she went up a grade on one she would meet the criteria for her chosen place, but there is now a waiting list.

i feel she should use this as a life lesson, and hopefully buck her ideas up and put the work in for A level.

I’ve just found out that her Dad (we are not together) has contacted the school and he’s been told that although there’s a waiting list at her current school if both her grades weren’t improved on the remark then there’s a possibility she could get a place there. She didn’t want to stay there, but she’d prefer her current school over the sixth form she has a place at.

I think going for the remark just keeps you in limbo, and would stop her from settling at the new place.

my view is that the marks are fair and reflect her effort. She made the choice not to put in much effort and she should experience the consequences. I also think that she may do better at the new place. I’m wondering if the grammar stopped putting much effort into her when she started slacking, whereas the non grammar might be more supportive and encouraging.

Yesterday she was settling down with the non grammar place and was much happier this morning. Now that a possibility of a grammar place is being waved in front of her she’s hopeful it might happen., which is by no means a given and could delay her progress.

I think she should experience the consequences of her actions and use this as a life lesson to do better. AIBU?

I think you should give her every opportunity .... she will spend the rest of her school time wondering what if, otherwise..presumably her Dad will pay for the remark and any duplicate uniforms required while she waits..

If a remark proved she had worked hard and earned the higher grade what would you feel then?

Unlikely that he will pay. He will expect me to pay at least half if not all of it. He refused to contribute to the trip abroad with the language lesson, or the study resources that the school suggested, so I had to pay for them all.

I think you're being a little harsh OP. The lesson can be learned without making her lose a preferred college place if there is a chance she could still get there. Are the school offering to pay for the remark (since they have suggested it it)? Also I thought they did priority remarks if a place at sixth form college was in jeopardy. I certainly wouldn't be buying duplicate uniforms, but surely you just explain to the school and she can go in non-uniform while it all sorts out. Put her on all the waiting lists and see what lands. That's what I'd do anyway.

She wasn’t far off the marks needed, only one mark on one of the papers. She would only just be scraping through though. She also didn’t do well on a piece of coursework that kept a grade low (because she didn’t put the work in and prioritised going out with her friends).

I guess I would feel a bit better if she met the requirements, but she would also be taking the place of someone else that has woryhatder than she had.

If that school couldn’t motivate her during her GCSEs how do we know they could motivate her through more difficult A levels?
she wanted to move schools as she wanted a bit of a fresh start, this wouldn’t be a fresh start.

We had this exact scenario and my son ended up at the non grammar 6th form. He knew no one and struggled to settle but i honestly think it was the making of him. He learned a valuable lesson that unless you put the effort in there are consequences. He left with 4 A levels (did one independently) and is just about to start a degree apprenticeship. His work ethic has improved massively but it was difficult adjusting to a new school and accepting he'd let himself down at the time.

To be honest, I think you should do whatever she wants to do at this stage, it's her lesson to learn, but there's no need for you to engineer a worse outcome than there has to be. If you block it, I think she will resent you, whatever the outcome.

This is what I’m hoping for. A bit of me thinks that if she ends up back at her grammar school she will fall into the same behaviour. She was aiming for the minimum, and putting in minimal effort. I’m concerned I’ve not been able to teach her that actions have consequences. We have discussed her behaviour many times, but of course, she’s a teenager, and she knows best.
I also don’t think where she has a space is terrible. It seems really supportive, it’s an easy enough journey, and she’s got good subjects that she’s happy with. she may be better suited to being a big fish in a smaller pond.
you can be at a great school and do badly, and you can go to a “bad” school and do really well.

You sound like you want to punish her. She has doubtless still learned the lesson that she can't take the results for granted and will need to work harder in future, but the option of her preferred school may still be open to her. If she is jist one mark off and the school themselves have suggested a remark, it seems very unfair not to try it just to teach her a lesson.

This is not the time for ‘life lessons’. If she near the boundary and a review finds the extra points that that’s not her fault but the markers! As it may mean a ‘better’ (they may get better results but the individual student has to do the work) school do it. They can expedite it.

No GCSEs stay with you for life. This isn’t the right time for “actions have consequences” op. I’m a teacher and they still check my GCSE certs at interviews. The outcome is potentially much further reaching than just what sixth form she got into.

This isn’t about what you want to do, but what she wants to do.

She hasn’t failed any of them, she got an 8 in English language (her best grade) and she got a 6 in maths. Her lowest grade was a 4.

I really think she would do better at the non grammar. She has a good friend in the same position going to the non grammar, and she knows others going there too, so it’s not like it will be totally new.

Getting an increased grade is not guaranteed, and going for a remark puts her in a bit of limbo. She was settling into the thought of the non grammar until this possibility came about. I want her to move on and learn from this.