To feel exhausted working full time with young children?

[rathersleepy]

Just a bit of a moan really. Early 40s with 2 year old and 6 year old. I’ve always worked full time but since returning last year I’m finding it hard.

Went away for a night with work this week and after 2 super early starts I just feel ill.

I’m on slightly higher than average salary but nothing special. I just feel constantly drained with little time to myself. No family nearby to help either.

Dh being made redundant in a few weeks so I definitely can’t change jobs at the moment. He definitely does more than his fair share with house and kids.

I see posts on mn and hear of people retiring at 50 and it upsets me that I’ll still be paying my mortgage off until 65. I know others have it worse than me but I’m just really tired and fed up now! I seem to be the only one of my friends who works full time.

I honestly don’t know anyone who can retire in their 50s except public sector workers. I just think the idea of retirement then isn’t generally realistic for most people. Working full time with small children is hard, but I think that’s normal too. Will he take up more of the domestic load while he’s at home? Otherwise, can you think long term about downsizing or moving somewhere cheaper just so you don’t have that mortgage pressure on for decades?

@MorethanadecadeWe can’t downsize we live in a tiny 2 bed terraced house. Dh will definitely take on more of the domestic load. Hopefully he’ll find another job in a few weeks anyway. I honestly don’t know many other women who work 5 days a week with young kids.

I know how frustrating these comments can be, but is there any way you could reduce to 4 days or condense to 4 days once your DH finds a new job?

Also can he do more housework whilst he’s looking for new jobs if he has any spare time.

I honestly don’t know how people do it either, I just do 3 days a week (currently on mat leave though) and my heads a scramble with 2.

5 days is a lot with kids. I do 3 and that still feels like a lot. I know you might not have the choice but could you condense hours? You might find after tax it’s not all that different

I can’t condense my hours. My workplace isnt very flexible and I did ask for 4 days but they said it doesn’t fit in with business needs which is perfectly legal. I can’t afford to change jobs right now. It’s more of a moan than asking for solutions tbh as I stated. Appreciate the comments though.

I also don’t think it would be very sensible working 4 days a week when I’m on the only one in employment.

It's not surprising-until relatively recently, it was unusual for mums with young kids to work (maybe PT, but not FT). OK, we have more labour saving gadgets round the house, but has anything made keeping a home significantly easier than in the 80s/90s? And maybe it's more common for husbands to help, but in the past you had one parent working maybe 37 hours, not two effectively doing more than that, and have to sort out childcare pick ups etc.
Most of us wouldn't want to go back to a time where mums didn't ever have careers, but the fact parents are much more tired these days is inevitable.

Having kids and working full time is very tiring. I had both mine by the time I was 30 so I was a decade younger than you but I genuinely thought I'd never feel rested again.
I'm afraid there's no easy answer, sounds like you have a good DH there and kids do get easier as they get older tbh.
All I can say is good luck, I hope you feel better soon. 🍀

Total sympathy from me OP! I work FT, have three kids under six and (thankfully!) a very supportive partner.

We just got back from a holiday with my brother and SIL. They have two kids, and the nanny came along for the holiday.

It was eye opening! How the other half live. I’ll never be able to take my SIL seriously again when she complains about not having time for something, though.

I’m 50 and feel the same way. Many friends working very part time or not an all. Relatives are starting to retire aged 53/54 etc. My kids are still primary and early secondary age. I’ll be working full time until 66/67. I think I might die of exhaustion by then. Also a night away with works KILLS me to the point I feel ill. Solidarity.

I do full time condensed hours in 4 days and it’s still exhausting.

Of course it’s exhausting. It just is. It’s bloody grim, but you’ve got this. This too shall pass. I promise. In about ten years you’ll barely even see them!

Solidarity. I'm mid-thirties with three children under the age of 7 and a full time job. I'm perpetually tired. I also have a wonderful and supportive husband, so very lucky in that respect (based on what I see on here). We don't have "help" (cleaners/family childcare etc) so it's pretty exhausting.

My career is progressing well and my earning potential is high, so I hold on to the fact that I'm doing this so we can all have a good life.

The pre school years are rough but they do end. Fingers crossed we'll all still be sane by then.

Could have written this myself. Mine are 6 and 10, I work 5 days, no family near by, no help, I do the majority of the childcare and 100% of the mental load. I earn 6 figures. I’m bloody knackered most of the time.

I know lots of people who work full time with kids. I worked full time with 3 and only went part time after fourth. Its hard and I look back and wonder how I managed or had the energy but we got through it. Stop whinging!

12 yr old and 3 yr old. Work 4 days condensed full time hours and also doing a qualification. Its exhausting. Iron deficiency doesnt help. Looking to outsource as much as we can now that childcare fees are reducing. Our salaries are above average but not alot more I dont think. (Certainly not by MN standard!!)

Well you didn't manage it, did you? Because you went part time. Not the thread for you.

It's so hard . I really feel for you. Off for the summer with dc (teacher) and the difference in every part of me not working. I'm sleeping better, eating healthier because I'm not exhausted and generally my mood is so much better with my whole family. That sense of anxiety of trying to get everything done is not there.

I actually don't have any words of wisdom, just solidarity.I'm just dreading going back to the grind.

I do 4 days.makes a massive difference

I think age makes a big difference. My sister had her kids when she was 27 & then 29, she was less tired & more willing to do the juggle in her early thirties. I had mine at 31 & almost 34, and honestly if i had a 2 year old now at 41 i'd struggle. Junior school aged kids are much easier/less demanding.

I hear you OP! It's bloody hard- especially with no granny/aunty's near by. We were never supposed to live in these daft little nuclear families.
Look after yourself at any possible opportunity and hope u can reduce ur hours at some point. X

I am not playing a race to the bottom here but some of us worked 5 days a week with small kids and no husband. It is bloody hard. Im sorry your dh is facing redundancy thats really shit.

Yes I was 20 and 23. Worked full time and the kids dad was away for months at a time ( forces)

Of course it's tiring but can't remember any total exhaustion

Yes it could be an age thing too. I’ve never been a high energy person either so I doubt that helps! Reasonably healthy lifestyle and get exercise. I’m sure I’ll look back in 10 years and miss it all. In a year or so depending on dh job situation I will look for a part time position.