AIBU to be so upset about my daughter’s breakup?

[Reallyisitimportant]

My daughter is going through her first serious breakup, 4 years in and 12 months living together, whole future she had planned gone in the blink of an eye. why am I so upset? Crying all the time, can’t stop thinking about it’s is it purely this, hormonal 50+, job I’m struggling with or a combination of all of it?

After that length of time, you’ve developed a relationship too, so you’ll be upset you’ve lost that. Your daughter will be very upset obviously and it’s the nature of a mother to want to take away our child’s pain. It isn’t unusual; I’ve been very upset over break ups, knowing you won’t see that person again, knowing your child’s life has changed and knowing there will be hurt, upset and financial problems to navigate.

Because you want your kids safe, happy and settled so when this changes its scary

Exactly this! Look after yourself OP, this stuff is difficult. I’m sure there will be posts telling you it’s nothing to do with you but it’s fine to be upset when your children are, I’ve found it harder when they are adults tbh!

I have definitely heard of this.
Mum's loving their childs partner and being very upset for them when things didn't work out.

I don’t think I’ve needed to love the partner to be honest, it’s just unpleasant seeing your child heartbroken! I mean, I get over it but it’s not nice to see.

It's not unreasonable-most of us want out kids to find a good partner that they'll be happy with, and go off to live their lives. Presumably this person was decent, so it's natural to be upset.

I get you OP.

A few months ago the girl I thought I was going to be lucky enough to call my DIL finished things with my DS.

He was blindsided and completely heartbroken.
I was devastated.

He's getting there, getting back to normal, and I still have really sad moments.

These are the things about motherhood you don't anticipate when they're tiny , but are part and parcel anyway.

Hope you and your DD feel better soon.

My DD was devastated when her first (8 months or so) relationship ended, they were in sixth form and I cried regularly too, not because I loved him but because she was so very hurt. You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child is a saying I heard some time ago which really resonates with me

When my DS split from his long term girlfriend ( his choice) I cried for two hours straight. I just hated the thought of her being so upset ( which she was) . You can’t help getting attached to people and caring about them.

Thanks everyone, glad I’m not alone. It’s a new, quite hard thing to navigate for me. I’ve been there myself but it’s different when I just want to protect her/ hug her and make it all ok again.

She’ll be more upset so whilst you’re entitled to your feelings please hide them from her. Don’t make this about you.

Going through this with my son at the moment - he ended the relationship but he’s devastated. Even worse he’s in Australia so I can’t even give him a hug til I see him in January. Lots of tearful face times. It really hurts but supporting him & checking in with him every day. Be the rock your daughter needs..

I don’t think she said she is making it about her?

One of the hardest things is to see your adult children go through heartbreak and not be able to make everything better for them! I've been there and it's horrible 😞 just know that she will get through this and be on hand to listen, give hugs and make her favourite food and get her out for a walk/meal/coffee to distract her. Encourage her to get together with her friends too. Sending hugs 🫂

Thank you, my feelings are mine, very separate from my DD. She needs my support not a weeping wailing woman. She’s stronger than I ever was at that age, maybe even than I am now 😂

Same experience here - it came out of the blue. It wasn’t an acrimonious split - she just decided DS wasn’t ‘the one’ for her which is absolutely fair, but obviously he was heartbroken. I find myself privately mourning the loss of what I thought was the future but I also miss her! We built up a good relationship and that’s just disappeared in the blink of an eye.