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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

37 weeks pregnant intimidating partner

20 replies

Hossunat · 22/08/2026 17:13

I'm 37 weeks pregnant. I finished work at 34 weeks as I've developed SPD and peri-natal OCD symptoms which mean I keep getting stuck in thought loops about very very distressing topics and it has been debilitating and made me unable to focus on work. I'll be asking for support with this on my next midwife appointment.

My partner of 3 years has admitted in the past that gaming is bad for him as he has an addictive personality (he doesn't drink or smoke or anything) where it's dangerous for him to start a game as he gets sucked in. Earlier on in my pregnancy he told me he was done with games as it wouldn't be good for our family life. He stuck to it until we hosted his cousin and her boyfriend for a BBQ 2 weeks ago and the cousin told him about a game he should try and he got sucked in to it and now spends every evening upstairs playing the game and on the phone with the cousin's boyfriend discussing the game. It's fabulous especially considering we are buying a house and completing in a week.

I've been having lie-ins a lot as I have been struggling but I've been intending to start doing some packing with him once he's got his next run of days off (early next week). He works 7am-7pm. Today I was lounging on the sofa in my pyjamas at mid-day and texting some family members who were checking up on me. I hadn't done the washing up from my own breakfast yet and the pan had a bit of egg stuck down to it. I never leave washing too long and I was intending to sort it shortly but I wanted a shower first. My partner calls and says "I'm on my 20 minute break I'll be home in 5 minutes can you have scrambled eggs and bacon ready."

I panic a bit and try to wash the pan but the egg is stuck down quite badly so I didn't manage to get much of it off. I was scared of not having anything ready for him so I put the pan back on the stove and thrown the eggs and bacon in there on a highish heat. The eggs scrambled quite quickly but the bacon was taking its time. When he got in he saw the burnt down bottom of the pan and I was spooning the scrambled eggs onto a plate for him. He moaned at me for throwing the bacon in the pan with the eggs. He then checked the cupboard for bread and I mentioned we'd ran out but that I'd be going to the shop later. He said "fuck this" and stormed out of the room. I assumed he'd gone to the toilet and finished cooking the bacon and plated it up for him with his favourite sauce on exactly how he likes it. Admittedly it wasn't the most appetising looking scrambled eggs and bacon ever but I didn't put any burnt part onto his plate and it was perfectly edible, I would've eaten it. I then realised that he'd driven off back to work.

I text him to ask why he would just leave like that and I called him an arsehole and said "I won't bother next time" and now he's texting back going on about how I am lazy getting up at mid-day and barely doing anything and what a shit cook I am. I didn't get to the shop in the end as I found a massive bluebottle infestation in one of our bathrooms and spent 2 hours killing them all and deep cleaning the bathroom.

AIBU to feel quite intimidated. I had planned to cook us a lovely beef chilli tonight but I haven't been able to go to the shop now as I feel paralysed in shock (I know that's way too over the top and was then cleaning the bathroom. I feel like at this stage of pregnancy he should be more caring and fussy towards me. He'll be home at 7pm and I'm scared he'll kick off when he gets in and sees I haven't been to the shop or cooked. I'll have to walk 25 minutes to get to the shop and 25 minutes back, I don't drive and he'll call me lazy if I use an Uber. I do still sort of want to go to the shop and cook for my own benefit but I don't feel relaxed about it and I feel like I'm rushing now to avoid an outburst.

He's never been violent in his life and I don't think he would start now but I'm concerned about verbal nastinessm

OP posts:
Hossunat · 22/08/2026 17:40

Anyone? I posted as I honestly don't know if my partner has a point and if I am being too lazy and useless

OP posts:
SecretSquid · 22/08/2026 17:44

He's a nasty bastard.
Does he normally order you to cook his lunch for him? Is it too late to stop the house purchase?

SecretSquid · 22/08/2026 17:47

Also do you have family nearby, anyone who can come and get you? You shouldn't have to sit there scared waiting for a bully to come home.

66babe · 22/08/2026 17:48

He sounds like an arsehole to me
Pregnancy is a time when you become the most vulnerable, if this is how he’s behaving now - how is he going to cope with a baby - sleepless nights , endless crying , less time for yourself , home untidy at times , washing piling up and certainly less sex for him
Not great is it ? At this time - he should be the one cooking , cleaning bathroom and making sure the home is fit for a new baby to come home too .. not leaving you deep cleaning insect infestations

Besidemyselfwithworry · 22/08/2026 17:50

Hossunat · 22/08/2026 17:40

Anyone? I posted as I honestly don't know if my partner has a point and if I am being too lazy and useless

Pull out if buying the house
leave him
do this on your own

he sounds vile

Pinkflamingo10 · 22/08/2026 17:52

This is abuse. You’ve mentioned the work “scared” a few times in your post. He is an abusive bully. Are you in the uk ? Phone women’s aid for support and help with making a plan to leave.
he’s showing who he really is here. Believe him. You and your child deserve a life free from fear.

thepariscrimefiles · 22/08/2026 17:53

He's definitely unreasonable to just message you to instruct you to make him a meal in five minutes as he's on a 20 minute break. Why is he coming home for it? Most people would take a snack and eat it at work on their break. I can see why you panicked. At 37 weeks (which is considered to be full-term), he shouldn't be making these demands and then getting angry and abusive when you don't meet his requirements.

You need to speak to your midwife about your partner's behaviour and your OCD symptoms. You sound quite vulnerable.

Comtesse · 22/08/2026 17:59

That would be a long walk with SPD. I don’t like to think of a heavily pregnant woman thinking she should be in pain from a long walk to avoid a man yelling at her. Why can’t he go to the shop on the way home?

JLou08 · 22/08/2026 18:12

Women who feel intimidated and scared like you do are usually victims of abuse. That was really sad to read. It sounds like he's probably been coercive for a while but is now ramping it up. They start small so you don't realise what they're doing. He wants you scared and intimidated so you do as your told. It will only get worse. There's a good chance it will turn to violence one day. The risk increases when a baby is born. Talk to your midwife ASAP. There are midwives trained in DV who can support you. Please don't worry about it reflecting bad on you, a friend of mine went through something similar. The midwives were supportive even though she chose to stay initially. I know you may not feel able to leave at this point but at the very least speak out and get some support.

whippersnapper55 · 22/08/2026 18:40

You shouldn't ever have to feel scared or intimidated by your partner. The very fact that you do is evidence enough that you are in an abusive relationship. Does he normally order you about and chastise you for not doing what he thinks you should be? This will only get worse once the baby comes. I'd get out now if I were you.

motherhoodisntfortheweak · 22/08/2026 18:59

Next time tell him to sort himself out. Youre in an abusive relationship and it gets worse in pregnancy as youre very vulnerable. Speak to your family they need to support you leave this bully. At 37 weeks he should be the one cooking for you

MuckSavage · 22/08/2026 23:14

You both sound batshit

Greenmouldycheese · 23/08/2026 00:09

How long have you been together? It doesnt sound like you should be buying a house or raising a kid together. You are allowed to be lazy at 37 weeks pregnant, your body is exhausted and he should be looking after you.

Flyingdolphins · 23/08/2026 07:45

Yabu for buying a house and having a child with this man.

It's not normal to feel 'scared' that you won't have food plated up in time for a partner getting back from work. Or in fact to describe any sort of fear around your partners behavior which you did two or three times in your post.

In a few months time you'll be posting again asking if you've been unreasonable because he's pissed off that the house isn't spotless and his meals aren't ready even though you are 'off all day' with your newborn. But he hasn't done a single night feed or nappy.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but those posts are like a broken record on here.

dontforgettofloss · 23/08/2026 08:15

MuckSavage · 22/08/2026 23:14

You both sound batshit

Did you accidentally post on the wrong thread?

birdling · 23/08/2026 09:18

Please do not go through with the house purchase and please leave and go to family before the baby is born.
Go now, while he is at work.
This is not how a loving husband treats his wife and it will get far worse and much harder to leave once you have a newborn.
You have a window of chance, take it.

Pinkissmart · 23/08/2026 10:00

Eggs stuck on pans will come off if you put water in the pan with salt and then boil it.

However, not the point.
It is beyond alarming that he would text to demand a specific lunch. That he would throw a tantrum because it wasn’t done to his specifications, and then leave.
It is really concerning that you were scared.
I agree with pp that the next issue will be you not cooking/ looking after the house with a newborn.

This man is not a partner.

I suspect this isn’t the only issue you’ve had?

HappyintheHills · 23/08/2026 10:06

He won’t get better.

Pull out of the home purchase. LTB.

Fiftyandme · 23/08/2026 10:09

He’s a nasty shit and you need to leave now. Trust me - I’ve got lots of experience with this type and he will make your life hell.

WinterBlues26 · 23/08/2026 10:18

You've said you are scared of him/his reactions multiple times in a short post. No-one should be scared of their partner unless they are in an abusive relationship... and you are in one.

Leave asap, can you return to your parents or a friend temporarily?
Pull out of the house buying.
Leave the relationship, and don't have him back.
Contact Women's Aid or your GP/Midwife regarding feeling scared about his reactions.

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