To want some me time

[Ano48292hy]

To want some more me time
husband goes to gym 7 days a week hour during week before work then comes home eats, plays with baby while I quickly get stuff done round house then goes to work, he goes after he drops son off at school to gym during week but at weekend he spends 3 hours at gym, last night I told him I wanted a bath in peace but after he got home from gym at 9 I was exhausted so I just had a quick shower after I had got everyone to bed and done house work, this morning he knew we needed a food shop I said yesterday I’ll go in morning but he gets up about 9/10 dressed for gym saying he’s off to the gym, while now I have to rush everyone ready to go do a food shop as we all have plans in afternoon.
hes also never offered me a lie in and I do every morning wake up and night feeds im exhausted and just crave more me time than I get usually once a month i get my nails done and doing food shop is my me time
is it unrealistic to want him to spend less time at gym on his days off and give me some relief even so can get stuff done round house without having a baby in carrier to do it

What was his response when you told him how you feel and that his gym time is unfair on you?

Why is his lazy ass doing so little? Send him to the supermarket with your baby! He can do the food shop. When our dc were that age, neither of us were getting much of a break. Dh would take them out for a walk or a drive so I could sleep on the weekends. But definitely Dh was not going to the gym or doing hobbies or seeing friends regularly. Once or twice a month maybe. It was work and then home to take over with parenting so I could get things done that needed doing. He didn’t want to miss out on time with his baby because he was already gone all week. You need equal time, so for every hour at the gym, you hand him the baby and walk out the door to do something.

First, you aren't unreasonable. You are asking for the bare minimum. 🤗

Have you tried plainly asking him to take on some specific responsibilities or change the time of his longer gym trip to let you have some me-time?

Maybe you can ask for one weekend morning off and one night where he gets up, not you.

Don't tell him how to achieve it - he may balk at "cut back on gym" - just hand him the problem. Sometimes men can surprise us when we just trust them with an important "mission". 😁

If he does not want to do it, or does it so badly it creates you problems 🤣, a cleaner and/or babysitter for a few hours a week until kids are older is a no-arguments option. It is a cost, but not forever.

Also think about other ways to get time back and protect your serenity. Maybe you can get your groceries delivered. Or lower your standards with housework and choose meals that are fast to cook.

Good luck. ❤️

This is an unfair situation and you need to have a conversation and be very assertive about your entitlement to some me-time.

This is very unfair.
how many hours is that at the gym every week -7 hours ?!
are you getting 7 hours child-free time for your hobbies or fitness ?
I did all the night feeds with my three as well I breastfeed, but husband would get up early on his days off with the children and take baby downstairs too so I can have a “lie-in “ from 6am -9am or so ! helps me catch up on lost sleep.
tell him you need to split the weekends - you lie in on sat and he lies in on Sunday.
Put the food shop on a home delivery

He’s taking the piss, I’m all for people making space in the day for looking after themselves but he’s allowing you zero time for yourself. Count up the time and tell him it equals to an entire day for yourself on the weekend.

It’s about 10hrs a week at gym or just over, I pump along with breastfeeding so he can help feed and agreed before baby was born he would help at nights on days off but hasn’t and when I say he says just wake me but pointless is both being wide awake, same with mornings just to wake him but if I get up and leave baby sleeping I get a message to come get baby.

It does sound very unfair, but I think you are being too nice. The first thing is that he is offering to do is get him to help at nights. Ok you have to wake him. Give him a poke and say “baby is crying” roll over back to sleep.

Be a bit more assertive OP. If you get a message to say come and get the baby, send a message back saying not now as you're in the middle of something.

Tell him that he's getting 10 hours a week of leisure time, and ask him how he's going to facilitate you getting the same amount of time. Then, and this is crucial, make sure that you leave the house for your leisure time. It doesn't matter what you do but if you're in the house the kids will still want you.

Tell him to half the days at the gym or he needs to start giving you ten hours to yourself a week. Just take the car keys and go.

Sorry did not read your full message. If you get a message on one of the agreed mornings, message back with “you agreed this morning”.

My DD and SIL have a strict system alternating Saturday morning lie ins. It helped that he had about 9 months as primary carer. He was confident with his son because he had to be. It really helps to just leave them to it.