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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was it a bad idea to move in with my ex when he still loves me

76 replies

YourDreamyFox · 22/08/2026 09:43

Me and my ex have always got on, we still love each other, although mine is more practical, more grounded, deeper, I would say his is more romeo and juliet, more cinematic, as I approached retirement, he suggested we move in together, it would mean him paying the bulk of the bills as I have a very small pension. I made it clear it would be as friends, so we took the plunge and now have a very nice house, a dog, a garden, etc. He works 16 hour days, 7 days a week, just as he did before we all moved in, I am enjoying retirement, everything at the start was great.

However, lately, the financial pressures of being the sole income are getting to him, I want us to have a good friendship, I do have some saved money but he refuses to let me dip into my savings, and is intent on covering all the expenses alone, but then he burns himself out and he is starting to look to me to emotionally support him, I find this hard, I have tried, but its not something I am good at, and I have never been good at it, I struggle with it, sometimes he says he needs a hug, a kiss, but i know it will end up more, the more I give, the more I know he will want, and that is not what was the initial suggestion. He is trying to ignite our relationship again, and all I want is friendship. I am quite happy to move out and find my own way, I just dont know what to do, or how to move forward.

Should I try, or should I point out that he knew how hard it would be when he made his offer and put his big boy pants on and get on with it as he did before we moved in,.

Im in my sixties, he is in his fifties, I am done with all the love stuff, the arguments, the compromising, I just thought we would be two friends living together and doing our own thing. HELP.

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 22/08/2026 22:35

Stopthattractor · 22/08/2026 10:52

I don't think we can blame him for wanting her to have a back up plan. If she lost that he would feel even more responsible for her.

Yeah but if he's stressed out from the financial burden and seeking comfort in the form of physical touch she doesn't want to give, so she offers instead to ease his burden financially and he says no ... that's rather controlling no?

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