AIBU to not be sentimental

[NotSoWise1]

I love my children and my family with all my heart. Everything I do is for them. They come first in every decision I make. I have worked hard to build my own business from nothing to give them a great life and future. However, I’m not sentimental, is this normal/ok?

For example, I cannot remember the time the youngest 2 were born. I know they were both born sometime between 2am & 4am but not the exact time. I don’t have hair from their first haircuts, their teeth they left for the tooth fairy… i do have boxes of school work, crafts, pictures etc but that’s more because I’m lazy and just put them in the attic rather than than because I wanted to keep them. I can’t remember when they took their first steps, their first words.

I have hundreds of photos and videos which we all look at often. We talk about memories they have when from when they were young and I remember silly incidentals rather than “milestones”, like the time one of them emptied a tub of yogurt on their head and pretended it was shampoo, the time one of them came out of school with only one shoe on… but ask me their part in their first school play and I’d struggle to tell you without finding the video.

It’s not just the children (now teens/adults). I was very close to my grandparents. Saw them almost every day. But I don’t miss them. I have lovely memories and think about them a lot but I don’t miss them or miss seeing them. Same as when people move away, or we lose touch. I think of them and the times we shared but I don’t “miss”them.

Is anyone else like this?

Me! I'm not sentimental in the least. I'm happy to scan through old photos and reminisce but I don't do death dates or other people's anniversaries. I don't miss people either. Out of sight - out of mind. When my children would go on school trips I wouldn't miss them as I knew they were coming back. If I was on I'm a Celeb I'd much rather have 8 marshmallows than a letter from home.

Yes, I'm very similar. It's just how I am and I'm OK with it.

I am. I'm astonished that someone else is like this.

What you describe is not unsentimental

You keep the photos and so on and you have lovely memories

What you haven’t got is the same milestones that seem to go on social media. That’s completely different than being unsentimental.

Yes absolutely. I don’t understand when people get so attached to things.

I’m quite sentimental but think it’s fine not to be. The present is what really matters and how we show up for people in the here and now. You sound like you’re very good at this.

I am not sentimental in the emotional sense but I am in an organisational sense for DC for some reason.

I diligently wrote in my baby book with birth information and each tiny milestone was written up with photos glued in where applicable. Hair is saved, teeth collected in a special box. Every letter from nursery/school, certificate and achievement in folders. Photo books are made each year and captioned with the associated memory, date and time. Paintings and drawings are all signed and dated and saved in a big art folder. I buy all the school photos and associated expensive crap. All medical letters, appointments and pamphlets have a designated folder. Birthday/Christmas cards, crafts and little notes, you get the point.

This isn’t even for me, I don’t look at them beyond adding to the collection and organising the storage bin. It’s purely for DC, if they want to know any information in the future, about pretty much any week of their life growing up, they will be able to find it. It may all end up in the bin once I’m dead but it’s something I’m very consistent about on the off chance it is important one day or DC is more sentimental than me.

I don’t have a single picture with my mother or any other family members, never wanted the photos of those that have passed. I think me and DH have about 5 surviving photos from our entire relationship, because one of us is behind the camera. I cannot cry at funerals, or weddings or births. It’s just something about having DC that made me file everything for the future like a time capsule.

Remembering the entirely unique to your children incidents is more important imo than the milestones that everyone has.

I do remember first words though because one definitely wasn't "duck". Just like I am certain my own first word wasn't "fork". Clearly we have very bad influences in our family. The other was "meow".

My first word was sake… as in for fucks sake. My mother would just say the ‘for fucks’ part quietly.

DCs was ‘loves’ or more accurately ‘wovs’ and it’s what she’d say when giving us a cuddle, thankfully much more wholesome 😅

Yes , its actually that youve learned that people do move , so missing them would be emotionally draining and ultimately futile so you channel your emotions, rather than emotions taking over to that extent . I believe not missing your grandparents is because losing them was always likely to happen snd you can enjoy the memories instead of craving their presence again because you are focused on raising your children . None of this is a sign of being cold at all you know and I also dont have hair or teeth from my two children . My memories are not tied in with their baby hair or teeth and if I had some of their hair it wouldnt do anything positive for me even if I lost them , that's because I would miss the essence of who they were at the time of passing. We remember our babies positively of course but thats the joy of new life , their soft vulnerability and the amazing individual characteristics that show themselves from the start , but this would not compare ever to later years when you really can understand your child and connect with them on a deeper level. You seem healthy and honest which is far more refreshing than someone who raves about sentiment, especially whdn they keep their babies body parts that fall off from the belly button. Ive seen a few and they looked like pork scratchings thst had managed to turn black in places. Ive never shown disgust but ive never understood it either! Lol x

I'm not sentimental about things; I don't keep cards or letters, for example. I just see them as clutter and throw them away.

I’m the same and thought I was weird. Or possibly autistic

Me.