To attend a birthday party I haven’t been invited to?

[OeoOreo]

Huge birthday party for my SIL in a couple weeks, all arranged/discussed via WhatsApp in a family WhatsApp group, DH has mentioned a couple of bits to me but I’m not in the group so I haven’t had a direct invite, but he says “of course you’re invited” because I’m his wife, right?

But here’s where I’m conflicted, other people that aren’t in the group have had a direct invite.
my relationship with them is sort of just speak when we see each other due to a history of things I don’t want to get in to, we get on superficially but I wasn’t really accepted due to being a different nationality to my DH but I don’t want that clouding the responses.

I do struggle with the angst a lot of people seem to suffer from over such minor situations, just ask your husband to text her and confirm, but I’d also assume invited, however if you’ve got anxiety over it just tell him to text her and ask.

But they probably have more communication with her than you do. You said in your OP you don’t generally communicate with your SIL.

Your DH does and has. I think you can safely assume you’re invited and attend.

This is on your DH. My DP would just hand me his phone and I'd delete the general chit chat and read and keep the important stuff. As asked, are the other family members with a direct invite married to a Sibling? Or are they single cousins/older relatives, who don't bother with the group chat? You are hard work because you could have just had a conversation about it with your other SIL.

That was a different SIL, not the birthday one. This is how the Big Falling Out of my mum's family happened - one sister gushing excitedly to my mum about a niece's upcoming wedding, and accidentally revealing that my mum hadn't been invited 😬

Christ alive, how do you go about your daily duties with this way of thinking? Do you need your food cutting up for you too?
Why don't you message her and ask for the details instead of relying on everyone else spoon feeding you the information. Your SIL has probably thought your husband would tell you all the details and by sounds of it, he hasn't bothered reading most of it.

But she also said she doesn’t have a personal relationship with them. So i would have txt one of SIL separately cos we speak every day, so it would have been in natural conversation. but not the other one cos I don’t speak (unless she’s here with my brother) to her but she is still welcome to come as my brothers partner I just don’t have my own separate relationship with her

Ok, so I text my SIL this morning saying “Hi, DH has told me about the party, looking forward to it, just double checking we’re all wearing pink” and she replied “Hi, yes.. pink”

so that’s that.

I’m automatically invited to family things and vice versa, no actual invite is sent separately, it’s presumed partners are coming in my family. Unless it’s different in yours I would go if you want to go

you don’t need a separate invite - and if you ask if you’re invited that then makes a weird situation where there isn’t one, you just go!!

Well he needs to. This is a problem in your house, not the wider family.

Go and build bridges

you hope to be married for life so stop playing silly buggers

And that's all it took...

Your issue is DH. You know the colour scheme and she’s directly confirmed it. Such a non issue. Life has enough drama. Don’t go looking for more!!

This is all quite normal and nothing to get upset about. 👍 What i mean is: spouses can presume they are invited to family parties even if they are not on a family WhatsApp group. ..,and my husband would have been similarly rubbish at remembering details like dress code - it has annoyed me when he’s forgotten to tell me things like that, but it’s not the end of the world! it’s lucky you got a heads up about the colour from a sister-in-law, and now that’s a good excuse to probe more in case there’s anything else of importance that he forgot to tell you.

If you’re being asked what you’re wearing, clearly they assumed you were invited! You’re overthinking OP but I can understand why given the history.

No. If you read the comment I’m replying to it all makes sense. I was asked a question. I answered the question.

My thoughts exactly!

You are invited via your husband.

If you are “not invited” then you’d know.

My DH does not get on with my sister or BIL & is not welcome at family events.

We are all clear about the situation.

Now you can have a lovely time choosing and buying a pink dress ❤️

Likely why they don’t get in with her rather that a “nationality” issue which always gets rolled out!

She’s clearly invited and is just being difficult … since when do partners get a separate invite.

So basically a load of drama over nothing then.

TA DAH!!!!
Enjoy the party!

I can understand why you’d feel like this OP, given your in-laws have been discriminatory towards you in the past, and others have been contacted directly.

Your feelings are understandable, don’t be gaslit by people on here into feeling like you’re being OTT. I’d feel the same too. I hope the event goes well x

Listen to your husband. Are you trying to make this into an issue that doesn't exist? If you dont want to go then dont go x