To attend a birthday party I haven’t been invited to?

[OeoOreo]

Huge birthday party for my SIL in a couple weeks, all arranged/discussed via WhatsApp in a family WhatsApp group, DH has mentioned a couple of bits to me but I’m not in the group so I haven’t had a direct invite, but he says “of course you’re invited” because I’m his wife, right?

But here’s where I’m conflicted, other people that aren’t in the group have had a direct invite.
my relationship with them is sort of just speak when we see each other due to a history of things I don’t want to get in to, we get on superficially but I wasn’t really accepted due to being a different nationality to my DH but I don’t want that clouding the responses.

No that’s a different SIL not the one who’s birthday it is

Yes I agree he needs to be more forthcoming, just threw me when other immediate family members have had direct invites

I’m really not, just wondering because other immediate family not in the group have had direct invites even casual ones “make sure you wear pink, can’t wait to see you” type thing

I don’t know. Unfortunately I am not in the WhatsApp group AND I’ve not had a special invitation. If I get an invitation I’ll come back and tell you though.

I would think my sister and brother in law had completely lost it if they had to clarify that my brother in law was invited in these sort of circumstances. I also wouldn’t think to message him separately and would totally assume that my sister was passing on any relevant information.

This is crazy. If my sister was coming to my birthday party along with the rest of the family, I wouldn’t give my BIL a direct invite. That would be weird!!
obviously others not included in the group chat would need an invite to even know about the party

OP.
Your DH is causing you unnecessary stress.

Tell him you are not going unless he confirms iwith her that you are invited and forwards all the messages about what you need to bring and wear.
And at the party, you can laugh about it and ask her to send messages like that to you as well in future as he's terrible about passing things on.
Tell him how much this being onthe outside really worried you when its not even necessary.
So what if his sister thinks he's mad. That's his fault for being so damn lazy and refusing to fill you in.
I hope it all works out for you.

If you don’t want to go don’t go, but you can’t really think you need an individual invite, you know husband is involved in a group chat about it he’s just not bothered reading all the messages.

😂

That is too intesne to me, i dont need a personal invite i go if want to go

No one is causing anyone stress other than the op

other people that aren’t in the group have had a direct invite

Do those family members have a spouse in the group though?

And who exactly are you expecting to get this direct invite from? One of the organisers (like your husband)?

even casual ones “make sure you wear pink, can’t wait to see you” type thing

Isn’t that what your other SIL did by asking what you’re wearing though?

You may well be justified in feeling on the outside of things, but I’m sure you are invited. Just ask the SIL who asked you what you are wearing if she can give you the gist of what is happening as DH is being vague. And don’t get overly invested, just show up, smile nicely, and focus on people you care about.

Do these people have a spouse who is in the group? I’d assume your DH was passing in the information; if these people don’t have a spouse/partner in the group, it makes sense that they were asked outside of that chat.

If it’s a family wats app group why does f dh add you - then you can read /see the messages

he is crap to have not told you about a theme

you are obv invited as sil asked what you were wearing

Could dh ask something about the party and drop your name in “hey sis what time should Oreo and I get there. “ for example.

A different sil

Ok so he sucks then is the takeaway here? Just tell him you can read the messages or not but if you haven’t clearly informed me about the event with time to plan and I get there in the wrong outfit then I will not be going anywhere with you for a long time, it’s just basic respect. And if you’re not telling me because you don’t want me there then this isn’t a relationship.

Goodness there is no need for this! Just get your DH to show you the relevant messages. Stop looking for drama.

It seems very attention seeking

Is there a reason that you aren't in the whatsapp group? Is it only family, no partners/wives/husbands? If so, then just as other partners/wives/husbands have assumed that they are invited, you can assume that you are too. I'd definitely go if I was in your position!

You are being awkward here, OP.

Your SIL DID talk to you about what are you wearing.

They are not mind readers and do not know that your DH can’t be bothered to read or pass on messages.

Of course you are invited: your invite is part and parcel with your DH’s, and your SIL spoke to you about the themed outfits.

Spend more time communicating with your SIL!

Relax and go to the party and have a good time.

Either that or this is a real cultural difference.

Why don’t you join the WhatsApp group and get the info first hand? Or ask your husband to step up and give you the specific details?

Is it possible that others who you say received a direct invitation are people your SIL is in regular contact with anyway? And party chat just came up individually as a matter of course?

I would imagine you're invited!

I think it’s quite normal to invite someone through a partner.