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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A room of one's own

10 replies

TokyoTantrum · 21/08/2026 21:06

Fed up with how my nights have been lately. I wish I had a room of my own, even if it was just big enough to squeeze a single bed in.

I'm halfway through my 2nd pregnancy. Son is nearly 2. He had been pretty much sleeping through 8pm-6am or waking at about 5am and coming in for a normal cuddle. A couple of weeks ago, he came down with a cold and now wakes up anywhere between 2-4am, comes in, and is insanely clingy. At bedtime he falls asleep with me sat on the edge of his bed, but he seems incapable of doing that in the night.

This is how my nights go:

  • sleep later than I want to because my husband gets home very late from work, and messes about with the light on, asks me questions etc
  • get woken up by toddler, who can't have a normal side cuddle, but wants to flop about all over me, shove his hair up my nose, squish my sore chest, or crush my arm
  • either try and share our bed (and feel like I have no room) or go back with him to his room and he refuses to sleep unless I lay down
  • try and fall back asleep. Fail for hours. Get bored after 1 hour and eventually look at phone. Maybe fall back asleep around 5:30. In the week, husband's alarm goes off at 6:15. If sleeping in our room, son never sleeps past 6:30 as our curtains are crap.

My husband snores, badly, which doesn't help with trying to get back to sleep. He said he would get surgery (his friend had it) when we moved to Japan, but that was over a year ago and he gets arsey when I nag him about it. He also tries to cuddle me in the night when I'm already being touched on the other side by our son and I hate it.

I try to lie there reframing it as "you are so lucky to have a child and a loving partner and a baby on the way; some people are dying to have that" but it just makes me more grumpy

I just want some space! No snoring husband, no clingy child! Just some space before this 2nd child arrives and is glued to my tit 24/7

AIBU?

(Gonna put down phone and try and sleep again now, it's 5:05am and he woke me up at 3:35am)

OP posts:
pinkdyno · 21/08/2026 21:11

Ditch son’s bed and put a double in. If he stays in it. Super. If he needs you, everyone can sleep.

after four non sleeping children I do not do children’s beds. Everyone has a bed. Nobody sleeps where they should, but ultimately everyone sleeps.

Peonies12 · 22/08/2026 16:57

If you weren’t pregnant I’d say get your son a double bed and you join him there. But I don’t know how that’ll work once you have a newborn.

Pinkflamingo10 · 22/08/2026 19:13

I moved into a superking bed with new baby, bedsharing and breastsleeping.
I left husband and toddler (s) bedsharing with each other in a separate room. The children don’t mind his snoring. It drives me bananas.
this way the ONLY person waking me at night was my baby to breastfeed. And that was manageable for me.

Peonies12 · 22/08/2026 20:19

Why is your husband getting in so late but then up again so early? I think he needs to share with our son so you can share with the new baby.

MerryUmberHedgehog · 22/08/2026 20:23

If you have a spare room move in immediately

TokyoTantrum · 23/08/2026 10:55

Peonies12 · 22/08/2026 16:57

If you weren’t pregnant I’d say get your son a double bed and you join him there. But I don’t know how that’ll work once you have a newborn.

We do have a Japanese style (tatami mat) room in this flat. I have been considering moving into there with futons on the floor as a nest for me, new baby, and my toddler. But I don't really want to encourage co-sleeping with him long term.

It might be the best option but there are a few worries. 1) it would be incredibly difficult to clean baby puke or a nappy blow out up off the floor. 2) the space is currently used as storage, and we have nowhere else to store those items. My son cannot be trusted to have unfettered access to this room as he gets into the storage and makes a mess or accesses things like art materials. 3) we have to move in spring next year, likely to a smaller space, so it might be disruptive if we can't replicate that set up? Might be overthinking

OP posts:
TokyoTantrum · 23/08/2026 10:57

Peonies12 · 22/08/2026 20:19

Why is your husband getting in so late but then up again so early? I think he needs to share with our son so you can share with the new baby.

Because we're currently in company provided housing, but his office is on the other side of the city, so he has an hour+ commute. And his job is international. He has to wait for the London office to open for communication with them, but also has to be around for the start of the Tokyo day.

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 23/08/2026 10:58

Fold a towel and put it under the head of ds’s mattress. If his head is just a little raised, he may sleep better.

MerylSqueak · 23/08/2026 11:01

Is there an option for a sofa bed in the living room your husband can flop on when he's late / early? This is what we did.

TheSandgroper · 23/08/2026 11:08

My parents had a rule. Mum got up to the baby. Dad got up to anyone else. I hope you’re planning the same and, if so, you could get him in training now. DS might benefit from settling into the new routine before the baby is born so he doesn’t feel pushed out.

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