AIBU to object to sleeping on the sofa at 20 weeks?

[PrincessNads05]

I am currently 20 weeks pregnant. My DH and I live in a 2 bedroom apartment, and plan to have some relatives stay over for one night. They’re a family of four with two children aged 10 and 15. I’m happy to have to them stay over, and we’ve been making arrangements to make them feel at home. Initially, we had decided to sleep in the guest bedroom (which is a little smaller) and ask the guests to stay the night in the master bedroom, which sounded like a good plan. Our couch is big enough to sleep one person comfortably, and we’ve also got a floor mattress to use in the living room. I was under the assumption that the visiting couple would stay in the master bedroom and the kids would take the living room, while we sleep in the guest room. AIBU for getting annoyed at the suggestion of my husband that we offer the guest room to the kids, and that I sleep on the couch if they agree? At 20 weeks pregnant, I’ve already started developing discomfort when sleeping and I’m just irked by the idea of my husband not considering my comfort over that of the guests. I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable, but does that mean I put my comfort aside? I don’t know if I’m wrong, but I need an outsider’s perspective. It is just one night, and I may be blowing things out of proportion. I haven’t voiced my concerns to my husband, because I don’t want to seem rude but it’s just internalised annoyance at the moment.

Keep your own bed, guests in spare room, kids in living room.

Only reason not to do that would be if kids air beds would fit on floor in your room and not the spare room, that way living room stays available for adults in the evening.

Giving up your bed for visitors is weird. I get that it seems respectful, but as the visitor it’s weird.

All of this. There's no need to give up your own room, you actually have a guest bedroom for this very reason. Why would you need to give up your own bed?

Is he coming from a place of the kids having space so the adults can stay up later talking?

But even so, no need to even give up your bed. They can figure out between them whether the adults or the kids take the guest room.

My parents used to give up their bed to mum's parents, until they got too infirm to go up the stairs and slept on an airbed in the living room instead. But that's because we didn't have a guest room.

You have a guest room. For guests. You keep your bed, the guests go in the guest room, and the two kids sleep in the living room - or if they'd do it (mine would, but I know my kids are unusually flexible about sleeping arrangements) the kids go in the guest room so you can all chat in the evening, and the guests sleep on an airbed in the living room.

I am very much over the idea that you should give up your bed to guests personally - and doubly if pregnant (even if only 20 weeks, so not really that uncomfortable yet)

Also confused as to why they wouldn't sleep in the guest room. Surely that is what it is for. I wouldn't be given up my bedroom.
I think it is kind you are inviting them to stay the night, if they don't want the guest room and kids sleeping on the sofa then I would suggest they book into a hotel.

I absolutely hate being a guest in someone's house and finding out they've given up their bedroom to me. It makes me feel dreadful. Your guests might not even want your bedroom, you should not be moving out of it at all, never mind to a sofa.

I haven’t voiced my concerns to my husband, because I don’t want to seem rude but it’s just internalised annoyance at the moment

You're unreasonable for being quietly annoyed and expecting him to be a mind reader. If you said that you'd find it difficult on the couch as you're getting uncomfortable with the pregnancy and he still thought you should then he would be a problem. If you were in the 3rd trimester I'd think most men would recognise that you need the bed but not so much at 20 weeks.

Your bed/bedroom should be sacrosanct. End of.
(... and that's before we factor in pregnancy)

Erm guests sleep in the guest room, their children sleep in the living room. Why would you give up your bedroom anyway even if you weren't pregnant?

You could just tell them they have the guest room and living room and let them decide who sleeps where. If you don't have a proper sofa bed in the living room I'd probably buy one of those high rised airbeds for them to sleep on, this is what we have for if anyone needs to stay, they plug in and don't take long to inflate so you can take them down easily in the day.

They can always book a hotel nearby if they don't want them or their kids sleeping in the living room.

In all honesty, you don't have the room to accommodate 4 guests so from the outset this was not a great plan. It's the kind of ill-conceived nonsense my DH tries to pull. People should just fork out for a hotel instead of trying to contort themselves and their homes. No one is going to be comfortable, least off you.

20 weeks pregnant or not, I definitely don't give up my bed and take the couch for guests.

Doesn’t sound like you’ve actually got room for that many guests so they should stay in a hotel/ Airbnb!! Failing that kids sleep on the sofa/ air beds!

Okay well these comments have taught me I’m clearly a people pleaser 😂 I’m 36 weeks pregnant and thought “ah it’s only for one night, I’d sleep on the sofa…”.

However, if it were my two children, I’d make them sleep in the living room.
Having read the other comments, it does make sense for you to keep your bedroom and make the guest bedroom up for your guests.

Never give up your own bed, ever.

We've happily slept on sofa beds and air mattresses when staying with friends and relatives, however in our own house, we always sleep in our own bed.

I agree with the majority of comments: keep your own room, guest adults in the guest room, kids in the lounge... that's what I would do anyway regardless of being pregnant!

I would feel so uncomfortable thinking a couple had given up their bedroom when their is a guest bedroom there!

That sounds awful but what does it have to do with OPs conundrum? 🙈🙈🙈

Exactly this. When I was around 25 weeks pregnant I stayed at a friends house where I’d said i would sleep on the (very big and comfy) sofa. They absolutely insisted they would give up their bed for me, despite me trying to say numerous times I’d be fine on the sofa for two nights. Even then I felt dreadful that I’d pushed them out of their bed. But in your situation I’d be majorly embarrassed about someone who is pregnant sleeping on the sofa to make space for me. So unless they have any significant health reasons to need your bed, don’t give up your bed for them. Most people would feel terrible about that. And if they don’t, they’re probably not people you should hang out with.

I don't understand why you didn't say hell no the moment your husband suggested this?

We live in a two bed flat. My response to four people staying over would be a flat no, unless it was a significant and unavoidable emergency.

If they have to stay, you in your bed, adult guests in guest room, kids in living room.

Is it an extreme example of people pleasing and the slippery slope that happens if you don't stand up for yourself that should be avoided at all costs by the op?

You need to speak up.

Keep your room and offer the guests the choice of where they distribute themselves.

Definitely don't sleep on the sofa.

And the only reason to give them the larger room would be if all 4 of them would fit in there with 2 on the floor. If 2 people still need to sleep in the living room then put guests in the guest room - don't give yourself more beds to make up than necessary!

I grew up in a popular seaside town and we sometimes had relatives to stay a couple of nights. My sister and I were always turfed out of our beds (golden boy brother never was). We had to sleep on a bed settee in the front room. Very uncomfortable. I was telling an older woman at work about being kicked out of my bed and she said to me that she never kicked her kids out of their rooms for visitors, if anyone wanted to stay at their house they could sleep on the floor 😊😆

Thank you for all of your responses. I just needed to vent and know that I wasn’t overreacting. Will chat with DH, and make sure the best arrangements are planned for ourselves and the guests.