AIBU to skip a work away day because of epilepsy medication side effects?

[Lilifer]

I have recently started a new job, and there is a team away day next Tuesday in Leeds. I found out about the confirmed date yesterday after returning from two weeks leave, everyone else has had weeks to plan and book travel.

Here is my dilemma. I am based in Northern Ireland and I do not currently drive as my licence was surrendered following a tonic clonic sezure last summer and a subsequent diagnosis of epilepsy. I am waiting on the DVLA to return it.

Getting to the airport requires a taxi which is about an hours drive away. The only realistic return flight gets me home at around half ten at night meaning I would not get home till close to midnight.

On top of all of this I have just increased my anti seizure medication this week and am experiencing significant side effects including dizziness and fatigue. My neurologist has advised me to avoid unnecessary exhaustion and stress. I am 56 and don’t had the same energy these days anyways but even worse now with the side effect. I work from home so can work around this but the travelling part is going to be really hard just due to all the circs.

Everyone else attending is based in England so for them it is a train or car journey.
Part of me feels I should make the effort as it is an early opportunity to meet my new team in person and I do not want to make a bad impression. But another part of me feels that pushing through a gruelling last minute journey while on new medication with these side effects is genuinely not sensible. I am also terrified of triggering another seizure just as I am about to get my licence back after not having had it for 15 months now.

Would you go? And would you judge someone in these circumstances for not going?

ps. I also think that just by being in NI, you'd have different expectations to most people anyway - the fact you have to fly, that you'd have to stay overnight regardless, at least one night, etc, puts you in a different category than anyone else, so very reasonable to be checking what the scope for booking an extra night etc is, as that's part of making it more equivalent to the level of inconvenience that others have who are coming from within the rest of UK.

There’s absolutely no need for you to go.

This day out sounds like a waste of time, not to mention and environmental disaster. Absolutely nobody needs to make an hour long taxi trip, get on a plane and then do the same thing home in the evening just for some corporate nonsense.

This sort of thing ought to be banned and you’re not being at all unreasonable not to go, especially given your challenges.

Surely your new employer is aware of your medical condition? Just discuss it with them rather than tell them you are sick

Thanks @LiliesOnTheWateri would really like to be there and in normal circs I would pull out all the stops. Just at the moment it’s all very difficult - yes I could look at booking cancellable flights (v v costly tho so if I do end up going that bumps up the expenses) and with hotel bookings the latest I can cancel is Sunday night (I checked) so if I book that and then have to cancel I lose it (or my employer does if they cover it) I think I need to speak to someone tomorow on it, I can’t wait till Monday. Ultimately tho I have to make this decision for myself based on my own health and putting myself before my job, I’m too long in the tooth and have dealt with too much shit health wise this year to put it all on the line for a job that I won’t be doing this time next year anyway

@bdgyea to certain extent I agree. I’ve seen the itinerary and it’s just ice breakers and some chats about roles etc normally I would be quite up for a fun day away and I like my team and it would be lovely to meet them in person but this could not have come at a worse time in terms of meds and logistics.

Why won’t you be doing the job this time next year?

Because it’s a 12 months fixed term contract after which I go back to my substantive (lower grade) role.

Absolutely not. Just tell work what you have told us - no one would expect you to travel in these circumstances and put you at rik. Just ask if you can dial in.

Epilepsy is covered under the equalities act and you will be protected from any discrimination.

HR is your first port of call. Explain the situation, you would not be safe from a medical episode due to the stress of return flight, and so you must decline unless they can amend the flight to the next day. Perhaps you could offer to pay for the extra hotel night (or not if you think that's unfair). You might also want to clarify that the taxis would be covered.

You should also ask HR advice on whether to tell your boss about your condition. I certainly would have or you're likely to run into other issues because they're's blind to the facts.

Personally I'd skip it, citing medical, but I understand you're worried about the signal you'd be giving so it's up to you to weigh that up.

There is no legal obligation to inform your employer about health condition even if it affects your work. The disclosure is for your protection, not theirs. I don't need any reasonable adjustments (also WFH) but I still disclose because should my contract or my circumstances change, I am protected.

If medical advise is that you shouldn’t go (which sounds the case), then you probably wouldn’t be covered by work’s insurance, so I don’t think you should feel at all guilty about not going

I am an ex manager of people who worked from home and I'd be devastated if a staff member did not disclose a condition like this that I really needed to take into consideration not just to arrange team meetings.

So I'd recommend not booking anything until your manager comes back and then when they do, have a prepared calm written statement of why you did not book to attend, include info about being unsure as to the limits of expenses with regards to travel, taxi fares, an extra overnight etc.

Schedule a zoom/whatever meeting in with your manager the day they return and just explain the situation calmly and apologise for not telling them sooner but you were never expecting anything like this to come up whilst they were away and do not panic, just say with some prior notice and some idea of expenses and expectations you will attend the next one.

Also, you really should be having some sort of buddying system so that your manager knows you are ok whilst at home. They have a duty of care whilst at work and by not telling them, you are putting liability on them that they are unable to manage.

I’ve not read the full thread but can you ask them to stay an extra night in the airport hotel? That way you have a good rest after the away day and can travel at a more leisurely pace. And travelling the next day won’t count as leave as it’s part of travel for the away day.

Or if they say no, book a flight for the next morning and pay for the night in the hotel yourself.

@Shedmistressthanks and I do understand that. The thing is that I only go my diagnosed and put on the meds mid June, just after I started in to the role. It was full throttle from day one, and when the matter of a team day was mentioned I was prepared to discuss my medical issue with my manager but then I went off on leave for two weeks and when I got back 3 days ago the date was already fixed for this Tuesday so I have very little notice and my boss is away till Monday. So i guess it was always gonna be a conversation I was going to have with him when we had our first one to one (2 months into the job and no one to one till early sept) but I got blindsided by the scheduling of the team day while I was off for two weeks. I will do as you advise, my manager is tough but fair I think, hopefully will be fine.

@Fortheloveofpenguins my GP would sign me off I needs be for this (in fact she offered to sign me off while I was getting used to the meds, but I said no as I’m ok to work from home and can manage the symptoms becasue I am at home, some days I’m less productive than others but I would rather be working)

@Ansellseven if I could manage the travel the airport hotel is £200 per night and I deffo can’t afford that, am single mum to five teens and young adults, cash is tight 😔

No I meant work pay for the hotel. They would for me if I had to get an early or late flight but appreciate it’s company dependent.

An ok well it’s civil service so I don’t know that they would, the flight is at 9.35 so would get home about 11.45pm. If I wasn’t experiencing side effects of the anti seizure meds I would definely be down to do that, but currently I’m not feeling great, just bad timing cos GP said this should settle once I’m at maintenance dose for a month or two

Stop worrying about the cost. A few hundred pounds extra for your employer to cover your extra travel costs is nothing to them in what this event is costing them, especially if it reduces the chance of you needing sick leave due to exhausting yourself with your condition. Also if it gives you the chance to fully participate in the event.

Talk to your manager's manager, PA to the person responsible for the event or HR and tell them what you need due to your circumstances. You're simply asking for a reasonable adjustment which they will be happy to accommodate.

Also I am actually on leave on Monday 24th so in order to attend this I would have to cancel my leave day to travel that day as I would have to leave at 1pm to travel to airport, which is also not great as had planned to visit my elderly mum who’s been in hospital with a UTI. I had just assumed I would have to cancel it but I don’t think I should be expected to do that. Since I came back on Tuesday no one had approached me about arrangements, the only info I could get was on teams so that don’t even know if I was expected to attend 🫩

Put your health first OP. You shouldn't have to cancel annual leave to do this anyway. I would let your manager know you can't attend due to serious health issues and ask for a meeting to discuss.

Fellow epilepsy sufferer here.

Whenever I have to increase my medication dosage the effects of it can knock me off for 2-3 weeks, it’s horrific. The fatigue that comes with dosage increases can be indescribable.

I think what people without epilepsy don’t understand is that EVERYTHING we do we have to risk assess, even just a simple day out. What other people would do without a second thought can cause extreme anxiety to me as as the forefront of my mind is always the question: “Is there any aspect of this day/plan that may trigger a seizure?” - and if the answer is yes then I do not participate.

Tiredness is a huge trigger for me so in your case I would absolutely not be going. My medication side effects hugely impact my daily life and I can manage about 5-6 hours worth of activity (including travelling) before I start to feel myself flagging so I miss out on so many things, but that’s just one of the many shitty parts of having epilepsy.

No way in a million years would I jeopardise my health and seizure control for an optional work event. Not a chance.

Get in touch with someone senior involved in the event and who’s here this week.

I got the info late, I’ve been looking at options to make it work and it needs expensive flights, taxis, two nights hotel and me to cancel leave. Realistically I just don’t think it works for this one and is a poor use of budget. Do you agree? For the next one can plan ahead as will have more notice and can link things up to make the trip worthwhile.

@ScaredButUnavoidable you have described my life exactly 😔 if someone had told me 18 months ago that I would have gone from an energetic always on the go, anxiety-free person to who I am today (or at least this last year anyway) I was would have been horrified, it is truly awful to live with both the fear of anther seizure (not just for the seizure itself which is bloody terrifying) but the consequent loss of independence and agency that losing one’s licence means. My life has shrunk to my house and local shops within walking distance, luckily I am resilient and have not succumbed to depression but it’s so hard and isolating, thank you for saying all of that cos it honestly makes me feel less alone

Thanks @ScaryM0nsteri plan to do that first thing tomorrow am, tried this afternoon but they had left work early