AIBU to skip a work away day because of epilepsy medication side effects?

[Lilifer]

I have recently started a new job, and there is a team away day next Tuesday in Leeds. I found out about the confirmed date yesterday after returning from two weeks leave, everyone else has had weeks to plan and book travel.

Here is my dilemma. I am based in Northern Ireland and I do not currently drive as my licence was surrendered following a tonic clonic sezure last summer and a subsequent diagnosis of epilepsy. I am waiting on the DVLA to return it.

Getting to the airport requires a taxi which is about an hours drive away. The only realistic return flight gets me home at around half ten at night meaning I would not get home till close to midnight.

On top of all of this I have just increased my anti seizure medication this week and am experiencing significant side effects including dizziness and fatigue. My neurologist has advised me to avoid unnecessary exhaustion and stress. I am 56 and don’t had the same energy these days anyways but even worse now with the side effect. I work from home so can work around this but the travelling part is going to be really hard just due to all the circs.

Everyone else attending is based in England so for them it is a train or car journey.
Part of me feels I should make the effort as it is an early opportunity to meet my new team in person and I do not want to make a bad impression. But another part of me feels that pushing through a gruelling last minute journey while on new medication with these side effects is genuinely not sensible. I am also terrified of triggering another seizure just as I am about to get my licence back after not having had it for 15 months now.

Would you go? And would you judge someone in these circumstances for not going?

I think you should look at going - but with some adaptions.

Can you stay in England afterwards, and travel home the next day? Or stay at the airport in NI before and/or after the flights?

Can you cut the day short, and fly home earlier?

Are there any other airports (at either end) that would result in a shorter day?

Edit: im assuming work woukd pay - not you.

I’d give it a pass. Not worth the stress/inconvenience.

I wouldn't go under those circumstances, but are work likely to get arsey with you if you don't? Is your manager aware of your health issues?

I’d try to go, but make the journey as comfortable as possible. For example stay in the Leeds that night and fly back at a better time the following day (also means you have a hotel room to go back to if you feel unwell at any time).

If you’ve only just changed your medication dosage then you are not going to be allowed to drive for at least another 6 months. Why did they up the dosage? In the circumstances I don’t think I’d go and I would hope that work would be sympathetic.

@Smartiepants79no I haven’t changed my meds I have increased them, I titrate up by 25mg every two weeks and the first week to ten days after titration is pretty awful.

My manager is unaware of my health situation as we are all a new team and we work in different regional offices (tho I am a contractual homeworker) the flight over would not be too bad (assuming they will pay the £100 taxi fare to the airport and back the following day) but as the team day finishes at 4pm I can’t see them paying for a second hotel night when they could get me back to Belfast on a 9.35pm flight, esp given they’ll be paying £200 for my taxi fares.

Also my manager is actually off this week, I only found out about the team day date yesterday when I got back from leave. He’s not back till next week so I can’t discuss it with him and Monday is the earliest I can ask him about it and it’s the day I would be expected to fly out. I honestly don’t know if this will be a big deal or not becasue it was all arranged while I was away and I can’t really ask any of the team if it’s ok for me to pass on it becasue they don’t have the authority to say yes or no.

It’s also annoying because in order to explain myself fully I shall have to share my medical info which I would not choose to do as I’m still trying to get my own head around my diagnosis and find it hard to discuss with people I don’t know,

I am titrating up to my maintenance dose which I have finally reached now, but that doesn’t affect my getting my licence back, that’s the rules here in NI anyways

I think if it's a new role you really need to try and go. It's likely a key part of embedding you in the team

Can you book a day off for after maybe?

You don't have to paste it on a poster but it doesn't make sense to be so secretive about a health condition. People can't make accomodations if they don't know about it

Assuming it's quite a senior post? Any chance you can afford a night in a hotel and you can have the flight booked for the next day? Then you can explain to your manager, which is worth doing anyway, and potentially get reimbursed?

Would it be easier to talk to HR (who you probably don't actually have to work with directly)? It sounds like you can't talk to your manager anyway. They may well be able to approve your absence from the team day (or put in an extra night in the hotel if you would be okay with that).
I know it's difficult taking the first step of informing an employer about a disability, but it's a good idea to get it on record - this might not be the only time that you might need to ask for adjustments.

@PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ it’s not actually I’m SO grade. The problem is I have no leave left to take, so I cannot take the next day off. If I knew they would cover a hotel for the second night I could maybe do that although I would then not get back to work I’ll maybe midday or lunchtime with the travel home. The thing is my manager is not there for me to ask if they’ll cover a second night in the hotel as well as taxi fare each way, and if f course the flights. That all works out at around £800 in total, I have never travelled for work before so don’t know how it works and what the limit is.

And by the time he gets back to work on Monday I will either have had to book all this without knowing it will be reimbursed or wait till Monday morning and then try and book it all and leave for airport at 1pm.

The side effects are vertigo vestibular migraine, headaches nausea and awful bouts of anxiety that hit completely out of the blue, my GP said it will settle after a month or so and offered to sign me off but I am ok to work from home I just don’t know that I can negotiate airports and taxis and travel stress the way I am feeling, I’m not even going out for my walks in the evening as the dizziness comes on suddenly.

If no adjustments can be made, I would give it a miss. I'm currently in the middle of upping my own anti seizure meds dosage and the exhaustion is absolutely horrific so I completely understand where you're coming from with me side effects.

You really shot yourself in the foot here by not disclosing. Your employer has a duty of care and statutory requirement to accommodate your long-term health condition but since you chose to not disclose, you don't have a leg to stand on. If your manager is off till Monday and there is nobody covering his duties, then there is very little you can do. Personally, I wouldn't go but it's neither here nor there because I also would have disclosed on day one if not before.

"The side effects are vertigo vestibular migraine, headaches nausea and awful bouts of anxiety that hit completely out of the blue, my GP said it will settle after a month or so and offered to sign me off but I am ok to work from home I just don’t know that I can negotiate airports and taxis and travel stress the way I am feeling, I’m not even going out for my walks in the evening as the dizziness comes on suddenly."

I think that's your answer, you aren't able to go. I sympathise, I have issues with dizziness. If you're dizzy an airport and flights are horrible, and long days and tiredness can exacerbate it.

I'd email HR and your manager (even though they're currently off) and say you have a long-term health condition and are currently having to increase your medication which is causing temporary side effects. You are well enough to work because it is from home but are not well enough currently to travel and so cannot come to the away day. Then something about that you are sorry you won't be able to meet new colleagues in person but very much expect to be able to attend the next event. I'd also consider telling them what the health condition is if you're comfortable with that and assure them that it does not affect your ability to do the job day-to-day. I'd also say you are happy to chat to them or occupational health if they have any questions or want any further information.

Hearing your side effects and the cost etc, I'd give it a miss. I'm getting random sensory overwhelm, dizziness and panic attacks in supermarkets at the moment, and it's absolutely horrendous. The thought of that plus migraines etc isn't worth the risk. But you'll have to disclose to your manager and it does unfortunately pose the risk of you losing some credibility which you'll have to work to alleviate.

@noctilucentcloudthanks that’s really helpful - so you think I should cc HR into the e mail? I guess I will need to disclose my condition and meds etc - yes the dizziness is so random and unexpected but worse than that is the awful acute bursts of anxiety that seem to come on in busy shops or areas where lots of people about, never at home. I have beta blockers for it but they don’t always help much.

It’s just worrying as well cos I can’t speak to manager till Monday when it’s too late to get his view.

I manage people.

I’d suggest talking to an appropriate senior person about the issue. You can keep it really vague.

eg. Can I check in on the expectations around the event. I’m quite new and only just got the info for it. With me being in NI the logistics are at a different level to everyone else. In principle I’m willing to come, but I don’t drive so it would need expensive taxi fares and two nights in the hotel (just go for including the two nights hotel that’s needed to keep you well). This seems a bit overkill for a 9-4 event. I think it would make sense for me to miss this one out, and come to the next one where can plan better in advance and link up the trip with some other face to face time to make it a better use of time and effort.

@PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ Yes that’s exactly it, it happens a lot in the supermarket at the moment so I’m sending my son out for groceries or doing online ordering, I’m really worried about the credibility thing but at the same time I don’t want to have to explain my health issues with the team so that they don’t judge me, if my manager does knowing what I’m going to tell them then I think that will be quite unfair of him, if I was a manager I wpild not expect someone to travel in these circs

@CatzaI am a contractual homeworker. I am not required to attend an office or travel for work as part of my normal day to day role. Occasions like this away day are the exception rather than the rule, and under normal circumstances I would attend without any issue. This is simply bad timing.
I only received my diagnosis at the same time I started this new role in June and have only just reached maintenance dose on my medication this week. The side effects are a known temporary issue during titration and I fully expect them to settle in the coming weeks. I intend to attend future events once my medication has stabilised.
On disclosure, there is no legal obligation to inform an employer of a health condition unless it is directly relevant to your ability to do your job. Until this week it simply has not been relevant. I work entirely from home, I do not drive for work, and my performance has been nothing but positively received since I started. The condition has not affected my work in any way. It has only become relevant now because of the travel element of this specific event, which is why I am raising it now.
I do not think flagging a health issue at the point it becomes relevant constitutes shooting myself in the foot. I think it is exactly what you are supposed to do.

@ScaryM0nsterthank you that’s good advice. Should i maybe speak to my managers manager (even tho he isn’t going to be involved in the event)

@Dungabees you have my sympathies, it is really horrible

Would you want to go if they could accommodate you with an extra night, taxis, etc? If you do actually want to go and meet people, get embedded in the team etc, could you possibly book flights that could be cancelled, ditto to the hotel, until you can find out whether it would be authorised on Monday? If not, you could cancel them. If they're more expensive, you can just present that as the total cost of having to accommodate a changing health condition, and see what they will authorise. You could always offer to work from the hotel for the next day, if you're not contracted to be in an office? It would of course be more stress, not knowing one way or the other and having to make plans that might not happen, and that in itself might be too much for you at the moment. But if you really wanted to go but it was just the practicalities stopping you, then maybe it would be OK. It sounds like you'd be totally reasonable not to go, though, in the circumstances.

@lanthanumyes I think I will contact them in the morning about it all. Thanks