Page 3 | AIBU to find my husband's reaction to our son's glasses odd?

Heyitsmeyeh · 2026-08-18T18:39:41+00:00

For context, been struggling in marriage for around 18 months, had counselling together, going back. Am on the verge of leaving multiple times but we have children and as much as I know it can be ok, there’s something that keeps me here. Son (7) said last week his eyes go blurry. Got him eye test. He needs glasses, only for focused work. Slight weakness in one eye, slight astigmatism in the other. DH said immediately he wanted to see the report, wanted a second opinion, wants to know what the test was (Specsavers!). Had big row where I said I just don’t get it. Optometrist said he needs glasses now and then: why question it? He said he’s allowed to ask for full report as wasn’t there. I said call them tomorrow then. He said he will. i think it’s all odd and smacks of his inability to believe anything can actually be wrong. has anyone else ever had second opinion on eye ‘diagnosis’? just when I think we can be OK stuff like this happens and I question everything who is BU?! NB please don’t say just leave and how that’s what needs to happen. This is about the glasses

ChocolateCinderToffee · 19/08/2026 20:22

Whattodo2024 · 18/08/2026 21:00

In fairness what strength is the prescription? I’m 0.25 in 1 eye and 0.5 in the other and have been for 20 years! Soecsavers always want me to get glasses but my vision is good and the prescription so mild I don’t bother. Think of all the money they’d have gotten off me / the nhs! And I’m sure my eyesight would have got worse.

What nonsense. The child said his vision was blurry.

TheJuryIsOut · 19/08/2026 20:28

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/08/2026 14:55

The number of scars I carry from falling off my bike repeatedly (just as well there weren't any cars around), getting twatted in the face during PE and every other injury I got from not being able to see properly at that prescription as a kid is ridiculous. And a daily headache, along with not being able to see the board unless I was literally right in front of it, wasn't great for education either.

Once I was 18 and could get glasses without my mother refusing permission 'because it's a scam to make money', it was like the lights had switched on.

Oh, and my eyesight had deteriorated.

Show quote history

There's absolutely no way you couldn't see the board with a prescription that low.

Labloverr · 19/08/2026 20:36

Bizarre behaviour!

ThreadGuardDog · 19/08/2026 20:45

KarmenPQZ · 18/08/2026 19:54

If my partner took the kids to a health assessment without me and it flagged something up I’d definitly want to see a written outcome to understand what it was and what the remedy is so I think questioning it in its self isn’t an issue. But the tone and escalation sound disproportionate to a pair of specs from what you’ve said.

I also think if it’s an NHS optician there’s strict guidance about when to and when not to prescribe glasses. Ie my daughter has the mildest lenses possibly and our optician explained she wouldn’t normally prescribe these on the NHS but the guidance is to do so if the child experiences headaches. I think in your situation it’s fair to question if the blurriness came on suddenly but the prescription is for focus work it’s great the dad wants to understand it more. That’s very valid IMO and to not give this info is unreasonable of you.

Perhaps communication has just totally broken down between you?

Edited

Why are you calling the OP unreasonable for ‘not giving the info’? It’s a simple eye test - what more information do you think she should give ? He’s a control freak and he clearly doesn’t want his son wearing glasses because it’s a sign of weakness or imperfection. OP isn’t the unreasonable one here. If DH wants further information or a second opinion let him do it himself instead of bullying the OP.

ThreadGuardDog · 19/08/2026 21:04

Witchymadwoman · 19/08/2026 19:23

Are you in the UK. If so all eye tests are done by ophthalmologists. The shops certainly want to sell you frames and lenses - but you can take your prescription elsewhere if you wish.

Show quote history

Sorry but you’re absolutely wrong. In high street opticians in the UK you’re seen and tested by an optometrist, also known by the older title, ophthalmic optician. Optometrists are primary eye care professionals with a specific degree, but they are not medical doctors.

Ophthalmologists are fully qualified doctors who specialise in eye surgery and eye disease and they work in hospital eye departments or clinical settings, not retail opticians. You will only see an ophthalmologist if your optometrist or GP refers you , for example for treatment for cataracts, severe glaucoma, diabetic eye problems etc.

ThreadGuardDog · 19/08/2026 21:07

PinkCatCushion · 18/08/2026 22:36

I’m on the husbands side.
When I was 11, I went for a routine eye check I did not feel I had any problems with my vision. The optician said I needed glasses, which I duly got but never wore them. My parents kept nagging me but I didn’t feel they helped.
My parents took me to another optician who said I didn’t need them.
it’s always worth checking; it’s similar to dentists who say you need a filling when you actually don’t. I suppose some make genuine mistakes and some want the extra money they get.

I didn’t actually need glasses until my mid forties. That would have been 30 years of unnecessary glasses wearing.

Edited

DS said his vision is blurry, so obviously there is a problem. I suspect DH is the kind of man who won’t accept the second opinion either, if it agrees with the optician. He doesn’t want his perfect son wearing glasses.

Tuesdayschild50 · 19/08/2026 21:17

Husband sounds like an unreasonable prick.
A professional person has told you your son needs glasses so he needs glasses... end of.

Witchymadwoman · 19/08/2026 21:41

ThreadGuardDog · 19/08/2026 21:04

Sorry but you’re absolutely wrong. In high street opticians in the UK you’re seen and tested by an optometrist, also known by the older title, ophthalmic optician. Optometrists are primary eye care professionals with a specific degree, but they are not medical doctors.

Ophthalmologists are fully qualified doctors who specialise in eye surgery and eye disease and they work in hospital eye departments or clinical settings, not retail opticians. You will only see an ophthalmologist if your optometrist or GP refers you , for example for treatment for cataracts, severe glaucoma, diabetic eye problems etc.

Show quote history

Sorry, you are quite right and thank you for the correction. I was trying to distinguish between the optometrist (ophthalmic optician) and the dispensing optician - often referred to just as an optician - to clarify that the person who sells you the glasses is usually not the one qualified to give an eye test. The optometrist is qualified to do this and check eye health.

There was a suggestion in an earlier post that “high street opticians” just want to sell you glasses (they do like to do that) but that they are not fully qualified to examine eyes (yes they are and the NHS pays them for this service. )

CoffeeBotherer · 19/08/2026 21:42

As a parent, you have two jobs - to educate and protect your offspring. It's pretty much the same for all mammals. The correct/ only reaction should be how can I make my child's life better.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/08/2026 22:28

TheJuryIsOut · 19/08/2026 20:28

There's absolutely no way you couldn't see the board with a prescription that low.

Show quote history

Well, thats weird, because my teachers moved me to the front when I told them I couldnt see and then I could.

Whyamiherenow · 20/08/2026 09:03

Gosh that seems like an over reaction. If it is isolated, I get it to a certain extent. I merrily took my 3 year old son to an eye test thinking he could see fine and just going through the motions (I was having an eye test). Turned out he has next to no sight in one eye. Needed super strong glasses. I ended up crying because of the shock and mum guilt that I hadn’t noticed an issue earlier. I called DH and he didn’t ask for a second option etc. he just accepted it.

DS is good at wearing his glasses.

We did get a second opinion in a way because he is under hospital care now and needs 3 monthly eye tests and hospital appointments with a regime of glasses and eye patches on the strong eye to strengthen the weak eye etc.

I do get that it might be a shock. When we took older DC and they needed glasses for reading / close work I didn’t have the same reaction. The reaction was more to the severity of the issue and that I hadn’t noticed sooner (then tortured myself looking back at photos where I felt it was obvious that his eyes were wonky and I should have noticed sooner).

sueelleker · 20/08/2026 09:09

ThreadGuardDog · 19/08/2026 21:04

Sorry but you’re absolutely wrong. In high street opticians in the UK you’re seen and tested by an optometrist, also known by the older title, ophthalmic optician. Optometrists are primary eye care professionals with a specific degree, but they are not medical doctors.

Ophthalmologists are fully qualified doctors who specialise in eye surgery and eye disease and they work in hospital eye departments or clinical settings, not retail opticians. You will only see an ophthalmologist if your optometrist or GP refers you , for example for treatment for cataracts, severe glaucoma, diabetic eye problems etc.

Show quote history

Optometrists can and will refer you if they find something wrong though. My Specsavers referred me to the eye hospital for a detached retina many years ago; and more recently for cataracts. I started wearing glasses at the age of six, after it was noticed I was squinting at things; and coincidentally (?) I stopped tripping over all the time too.

pollymere · 20/08/2026 23:41

My DH can get like this sometimes. I recently was complaining that something I'd ordered online hadn't been delivered and he started asking loads of questions and ranting about eBay?! It's usually because he's trying to understand a situation or that he doesn't want me to be ripped off.

It would be easy for Opticians to give glasses to kids who don't need them. Mine are always pestering me for bifocals I don't need. And your DHs reaction is a bit how my Mum reacted to the shock of me needing glasses. Eventually she was fine with it but she was very convinced they must be wrong to start with. Hopefully he'll stop behaving like this in a bit once the surprise has worn off.