AIBU to find my husband's reaction to our son's glasses odd?

[Heyitsmeyeh]

For context, been struggling in marriage for around 18 months, had counselling together, going back. Am on the verge of leaving multiple times but we have children and as much as I know it can be ok, there’s something that keeps me here.

Son (7) said last week his eyes go blurry. Got him eye test. He needs glasses, only for focused work. Slight weakness in one eye, slight astigmatism in the other.

DH said immediately he wanted to see the report, wanted a second opinion, wants to know what the test was (Specsavers!). Had big row where I said I just don’t get it. Optometrist said he needs glasses now and then: why question it? He said he’s allowed to ask for full report as wasn’t there. I said call them tomorrow then. He said he will.

i think it’s all odd and smacks of his inability to believe anything can actually be wrong.

has anyone else ever had second opinion on eye ‘diagnosis’?

just when I think we can be OK stuff like this happens and I question everything

who is BU?!

NB please don’t say just leave and how that’s what needs to happen. This is about the glasses

@User7989776 do you know what an opthalmologist does? Because their job is different from an optician. DD saw an opthalmologist for her "lazy" eye (they didn't call it that) and sees an optician now for glasses. She was discharged from the opthalmologist following treatment. It's worrying that you think they are the same.

OP, it seems very odd to me that he's so suspicious, but no harm in a second opinion. Let him chase it and organise it though.

To be fair @Likeiloveyou , no human child has ever broken a bone. Ever.

Does DH wear glasses
I was gutted when one of ours had to at a similar age
not the look of glasses it’s how restrictive they are for sport and in the rain

In fairness what strength is the prescription? I’m 0.25 in 1 eye and 0.5 in the other and have been for 20 years! Soecsavers always want me to get glasses but my vision is good and the prescription so mild I don’t bother. Think of all the money they’d have gotten off me / the nhs! And I’m sure my eyesight would have got worse.

His fragile ego can't take his ds isn't 'perfect '..

It sounds like he’s got psychological issues. Does he often think he’s an expert in areas where he has no qualifications and is he controlling?

Ouch! Maybe try to be a little more supportive than referring to OP as pathetic!

I was told by DS's optician that basically all children are long-sighted because of the size of their eyeballs (or lens, or something, I forget the detail). For most of them it's not an issue and as their eyes grow they grow out of it. However if it's causing them problems (headaches, blurred vision etc), which it particularly does if they spend a lot of time looking at screens, then they will prescribe glasses to help lessen those problems.

Maybe that's not true, but it made sense to me. He was clear that DS was only getting glasses because he was getting headaches, and if he'd had no symptoms they wouldn't have given him any.

This is about the glasses

It's not though is it. It's about your husband not believing what you've told him as though you were either too stupid to understand an optician or deliberately lying to him, neither of which is a sign of someone I'd want to stay married to. Or it's about him having some weird macho rejection of physical weakness AND he doesn't believe you/think you're stupid, which is even worse.

Your husband has serious issues. Very pathetic rection wouldn't be surprised if the opticians laugh at him.

It smacks of ‘my amazing genes could not possibly result in a son who needs glasses.’ Which is, of course, ridiculous. Nobody needs a second opinion for a simple eye test, so his disbelief is silly.

I’m on the husbands side.
When I was 11, I went for a routine eye check I did not feel I had any problems with my vision. The optician said I needed glasses, which I duly got but never wore them. My parents kept nagging me but I didn’t feel they helped.
My parents took me to another optician who said I didn’t need them.
it’s always worth checking; it’s similar to dentists who say you need a filling when you actually don’t. I suppose some make genuine mistakes and some want the extra money they get.

I didn’t actually need glasses until my mid forties. That would have been 30 years of unnecessary glasses wearing.

When I told dm that ds was getting braces she worried he’d be bullied. I said sure everyone has them now. I’d say your dh is thinking the same about the glasses

It’s definitely a thing that some unscrupulous opticians prescribe glasses when they aren’t needed. Happened to me.

Happened to me too. It’s always worth a second opinion.

I’d get a second opinion. That’s not something I ever thought I’d say but two weeks ago my son had his before school eye test, which I didn’t know was a thing, and was prescribed glasses. I was surprised as he’s never complained or shown any issues but accepted he needed them, me and his dad both do so not unusual. We got them. Coincidentally we ended up at the eye hospital last week and they did an eye test as part of it. They didn’t feel he needed glasses - they said all kids have a slight variation and it tends to improve with age but glasses are overprescribed and once they’re regularly worn, it’s much harder for them to fix. I was a bit baffled so we went for an eye test at another opticians… no glasses.

Three of his preschool friends have been prescribed glasses this week, and it does make you wonder how many need them!

My optician has long felt that my small prescription may have cancelled itself out if I hadn’t been prescribed glasses so young, or using some of the new technologies in glasses that they have now.

J can’t comment on him the rest of the time, but based on the past fortnight, I would want a second opinion on the glasses.

Yes it's definitely true and they have extremely good focusing muscles to counteract it.

I understand the screen issue but I think in them cases surely the answer is to reduce screen time rather than get glasses.

What's his prescription op?

The number of scars I carry from falling off my bike repeatedly (just as well there weren't any cars around), getting twatted in the face during PE and every other injury I got from not being able to see properly at that prescription as a kid is ridiculous. And a daily headache, along with not being able to see the board unless I was literally right in front of it, wasn't great for education either.

Once I was 18 and could get glasses without my mother refusing permission 'because it's a scam to make money', it was like the lights had switched on.

Oh, and my eyesight had deteriorated.

To answer your question yes i did get a second opinion when my daughter first got glasses. I don't see anything wrong with doing so. I am as blind as a bat but was hoping my daughter would take after her dad with great eye sight. I imagine your husband is disappointed more than disbelieving you.

Are you in the UK. If so all eye tests are done by ophthalmologists. The shops certainly want to sell you frames and lenses - but you can take your prescription elsewhere if you wish.

Why is he still your husband?

Do you really think she needs to hear that you think she is pathetic? He may well be controlling but it dents your confidence and comments like yours make it worse

I might be completely wrong, but does he perceive having a son that wears glasses as a "weakness" or something that "real men" shouldn't need? If so, he needs to grow up!
I'm just speaking from experience. When I was 12 I told my parents for months that I was really struggling to see. They didn't believe me until my Biology teacher from school rang them to speak to them about it (she'd noticed I couldn't see the board & I explained my parents didn't believe me).
The day I was told I needed glasses and my prescription was quite high, my parents had a huge row in front of me (nothing unusual there!) about who's fault it was and how awful it was. They then decided it was my fault for reading too much, until the Optician informed them it was genetic, then the arguments started again.
I'm 47 & still feel like I've somehow failed because I need glasses (which is ridiculous but it just shows how damaging some parental behaviours can be).

Could your DH be worried about DS being picked on in school perhaps? First thing I thought of. Even so he's being ridiculous.