To think people who wear ADHD as a ‘quirk’ are insufferable?

[ShotDowninFlames]

I’m bracing myself a little here but let me start by saying I have ADHD. Diagnosed in my 30s after I had a massive burnout. I work really hard to try and keep on top of life: calendar reminders, voice memos to myself, post it’s everywhere! Still things get missed sometimes but usually my DH helps me stay on top of things.

Whilst talking to my DM about it last year (I strongly strongly suspect she has it too) my SIL said she also thought she might have AdHD.

She went online and did a test which confirmed she has a lot of the attributes.

My issue is, since then she has made it her ENTIRE personality. Almost every SM post is about her ‘ADHD riddled brain’. She is chaotic and disorganised and I’d argue has become even more so since the diagnosis. When something slips down to her flakiness she does this very annoying ‘ooopss, silly me and my ADHD’.

Some recent examples;
-SIL and her kids came to stay recently (DB working) and she didn’t pack any sun hats, swimming costume for either kid and no underwear for one at all (the are 4 and 7). She thought it was hilarious and was posting about it in the group chat. Didn’t seem that bothered so I went and bought replacement bits for them.

-Borrowed a very expensive dress of mine and never returned it. Insisted she had and I must be mistaken. Then came down to go out while staying here wearing it! When I pointed it out she sort of shrugged and did the whole ‘Pops’s… that’s adhd for you’

-We met in London for an experience with the entire family. Reminded everyone a week before, the night before and the morning of that everyone needed photo ID. She forgot and made a massive drama about it not being her fault and could we just skip the experience and have dinner so she wasn’t alone.

Now, I’m going to get a lot of ‘you don’t really like her much’ posts and my opinion is coloured by the fact she cheated on my DB before the kids were born-over a long period. She has now rewritten this as it being down to her brain just not being able to cope with normal married life and wanting to create drama due to her ‘adhd’

Yes this is very specific to her but I’ve seen more and more people either posting or talking about their adhd and using it as a personality trait that is cute and quirky…

AIBU that this is becoming more common (using it as personality, not ADHD itself)

In actually insinuated that flaky people use self diagnosed ADHD as an excuse.

You have zero idea of my experiences with ADHD so there was no need to be such a dick about something you misunderstood.

I’m so sick of hearing about ADHD.

She sounds very annoying, I agree. I think there are some people who will latch on to anything and make it their defining characteristic. The kind of people who used to make enjoying wine or coffee their whole personalities are just as happy to make everything about their ADHD (whether it's an official diagnosis or not).

I suppose this would be even more annoying to those who themselves have ADHD. It sounds like your SIL is using it as an excuse for anything she does that might annoy others, which is insulting, as well.

Not RTFT but she sounds unbearable.

She is absenting herself from adulthood using a convenient excuse.

I say this as an adult living with AUDHD - I am massively dysregulated this week, I have significant deficit. I have still NEVER forgotten my children's basic needs (Sunhats & undies).

Me too, and I have it! I noticed the other day there's an ADHD magazine on the shelves which made me think "Fuck me, someone is making a killing out of this condition" and it certainly isn't us.

For disclosure, I was clinically diagnosed 15 years ago.

I do get dismayed by the number of people like the OP's SIL claiming ADHD from an online test, because only a psychiatrist can give a diagnosis. That's because it's easy to fake an online test, but not so easy to fool an actual trained and qualified human who has seen every trick in the book.

It's become so "fashionable" and now that you can apparently claim PIP for it without proof, then it's an easy bandwagon to jump on.

I used to mention I had ADHD when relevant, as an explanation rather than as an excuse, but I don't any more because whereas before people were understanding, it has now become a roll of the eyes and mutterings of "Sure you have" or "Doesn't everyone?" etc.

While I'm sure there are many genuine undiagnosed cases out there, people like the OP's SIL are the types that lead to the rest of us not being taken seriously. It was treated as "naughty boy" syndrome for so long, then eventually became a respected diagnosis after a lot of work, and now it's returning to being a joke again. Not sure we'll recover that respected status again.

Neurospicy, FFS I detest this with a special fervour.

I have a colleague like this - she has ND kids, one non-binary child, has self diagnosed herself with ADHD - and literally every time she opens her mouth it's about one of these things, or things get brought round to it.

No, us older women just blame the menopause for fucking up our brains! 🤣