My MIL and step-FIL visited us about a month ago while DH was away (I posted about this already, but in a different context). It was awful, I felt like I was being punished the whole stay with a lot of passive-aggressive jibes. Notably, during that time, MIL took me aside and told me off for being "jealous" of my husband's attention towards the baby, apparently assuming this was why I'd been upset with him around my birthday. The following day, she then explicitly asked me about our sex life. She then said that if she'd been "all shredded down there," she wouldn't want to have sex either and that I would lose my husband's interest if I didn't. She knew I'd had very severe tearing during birth. I found this incredibly insensitive and insulting, particularly given how vulnerable I've been this year.
I told DH about it when he got back, but he spent the following weeks avoiding confronting his mum.
Yesterday, he finally decided to speak to her by phone to set the record straight, which I was not expecting.
He actually went into the conversation trying to take some responsibility himself, saying that perhaps he'd miscommunicated something about an argument we had just before they arrived and that I was not a jealous person. Instead of asking what had happened or trying to understand why I was upset, MIL got very heightened, categorically denied saying any of it, and immediately turned the conversation around to how hurt she was by me.
She said she's miserable and depressed, that we don't care about her, that she only ever tries to be my friend and I make her feel unwelcome. Step-FIL then joined in, saying they'd both apparently been "extra nice" to me during their visit because of the argument. MIL eventually agreed that she would speak to me to make amends.
Shortly afterwards, she sent DH a very long text message saying she was hurt beyond belief, was not going to apologize for something that didn't happen, that all I wanted was to drive a rift in the family, that she is generous and kind, and that everything I'd said had never happened and was all made up.
Step-FIL then messaged DH saying he needed to call him first thing this morning.
DH spoke to him this morning, and he continued to deny everything for both of them, saying there may have been a "misunderstanding" and that MIL was simply very hurt. However, it seemed maybe there was some conceding on his half about crossed wires, which was positive, but unsure why he had to step in.
However, shortly after that call, MIL sent DH a complete tirade of messages, listing everything I've apparently ever done wrong since 2016, calling me a liar and saying that all he has done is hurt her because he has listened to my lies. She also said she "doesn't want to live anymore" because of all this and shes never going to see her grandson again.
What I find really odd, is that all the things I find difficult about her - like I can't seem to have a proper conversation with her, she sends a message, I respond, but she never responds back. Doesn't respond to baby photos. Makes me feel super unwelcome by pretending I'm not in room, etc. She has turned back on me again, saying I do these things to her.
At no point has she acknowledged what she said to me, apologised, or even shown any curiosity or concern about why I was upset.
DH is absolutely devastated. He feels like he's lost his safe space with his mum because he genuinely believed he could speak to her honestly and have a reasonable conversation.
What's particularly upsetting is that DH wasn't even attacking her. He was trying to address something that had happened a month ago and explain why it had upset me, especially with my PPD. Somehow the entire conversation has become about how badly she has been treated, with everything being denied and turned back onto me. It's literally all become about her.
This seems like such a crazy escalation. I'm struggling to know how to interpret this reaction, but it seems very manipulative and cruel towards my husband.