Financial help to wider family.

[GuiltyRich]

DH and I have worked really hard all our lives and have always lived quite sensibly, I wouldn't say frugally but more camping holidays in France than big trips to Disney.
We both grew up really poor. We are retired with the mortgage paid (our house is worth around £800k), we have a couple of hundred thousand in savings and a decent monthly allowance from defined contribution pensions (not much short of what we were earning when working).
Our kids are financially independent and also very sensible, no worries there.
The problem is our extended families on both sides are financially struggling. Over the years they have spent their cash on living well! eg; cars, amazing holidays and the latest tech. Their children have the same outlook and there are debts and CCJs in the mix.
My brother in law's family are really struggling to the point of being on the verge of losing their home. The thing is no one really knows our financial position at all.
Would you offer to help out or would you just remain quiet? We are fairly close to both sides of the family and it's killing a little bit of me not to offer to help. But if we help one side we'll have to help the others and then our little best egg that we worked so hard for will be gone.
Selfishly, I love the peace of mind that goes with financial security but I hate the guilt.

How are you going to feel when you see your family members spending your hard earned money like there's no tomorrow? Leave them get on with it .

I would keep schtum if I were you. Most likely they will keep coming back to you requesting more the next time they're in a tight spot.

Might be selfish but meh 🙃

It wasn't clear how to vote so l voted yabu to give them money .

If they’d had bad luck I would help, but they’ve spunked it all on crap - so no.

You are not responsible fur others finances who aren’t as sensible as yourselves.

You’ve already marked that money for something else, you’re retirement. Therefore it’s not really available to give away unless you could earn it back

Don’t understand rhe vote.

yabu to think you ought to give them money, they made poor choices

I wouldn’t if I was you. They’re really not going to change their spending habits are they?

Why on earth would you give your carefully managed money to feckless spendthrifts?

Why?
Redundancy etc I would help.
Disney?
Not a chance.

I’d say no to helping wider family- they don’t know you have the money and haven’t asked
you may at some point need or want to help your adult children so hold onto that money

Sorry, I don't know how to edit the post.
YABU Yes you should share
YANBU No you shouldn't share.

Don’t do this - let them learm from
their mistakes so they change their approach moving forward

This is the kindest thing you could do

Paying off their debt will make you an enabler in my eyes!

I would say nothing. As I have said before as adults we all know actions have consequences in your families case they chose to spend rather than save

its not your issue if they have difficulties now. They won’t be able to pay you back and you will end up with a poorer retirement which is not what you planned

No because then it opens up the floodgates. Once you help one person then others might hear about it and also start making requests.

Also as someone else has pointed out how will you feel ensuring they have a roof over their heads only for them to continue spending money on luxuries/non essentials.

Why do you feel guilty? Did you steal your money, or defraud someone? You worked hard, made the best decisions you knew how to make - you didn’t walk over anyone and you didn’t ask your family to take on debt on your behalf. No guilt needed.

As to whether you help them out? It takes a long time, and a lot of decisions to get to where you might loose your house. If you bail them out what happens when they’re in the same place 5 years down the line?

Nope keep stum. You planned and organised for retirement. They didnt

They will never learn to manage their money if someone bails them out and same with their children. This isn’t a case that they had back luck-redundancy/illness/death in the family. They simply have spent all their money so not I wouldn’t be giving them mine to spend.

I agree this is important. Have they experienced some bad luck so that spending that was affordable isn't anymore even though they've cut back, or is this long term living beyond their means due to luxuries?

Also, will your financial help steady the ship long term or delay the inevitable? I'd feel differently about paying off some mortgage arrears in a lump sum that would make regular payments manageable again, then having to top up a mortgage payment every month indefinitely.

you have been sensible and have achieved personal financial security. you are not, however, Warren buffet or Jeff bezos, so you have no obligation to help them out at all.

No.

I have learnt the hard way bailing family members out who have different attitude to money. Having more money doesn't change their attitude to spending. They just have a bigger pot to fritter.

Sometimes hard times help people change their attitude. Sometimes it doesn't. Either way, it isn't your job to save them from their choices.

Say nothing. You bail them out this week and they will be back in 6 months looking for more. Theyve made their choices and now theyve to face the consequences

People who are bad with money rarely change unless they learn the lessons. So giving them money may not get them out of a hole but give them an excuse for a spend up. I certainly would not tell them anything about your finances. If your kids are secure then you have done your job and showed them how to be fiscally responsible. Wider family obviously haven’t. Also it will inevitably lead to you having to do the same with other relatives. Offer advice but no money.

They have proven to you that they are terrible with money.

Just as fast as you get them out of this hole, they'll be digging the next one. Only next time they'll expect you to help again so they'll be even more frivolous.

once you gift them the money they can do what they please with it. How would you feel if they spent it on holidays and another car?! I would not.