AIBU to worry my friend is going nuts? New partner with extreme views

[Bornandbrednz]

This sounds crazy and I can't believe I'm typing this. One of my best friends of many years told me late last year she has a new boyfriend. For context she has had a lot of bad luck in love in recent years. We're both early forties. She doesn't live near me, so visited finally two weeks ago with her new boyfriend and I was so happy for her, until I met him.

She then dropped the bombshell that she's pregnant after only a few months together, he has 4 children from previous marriages, 15 years older and he's also a "natural healer" who is anti Vax, talks non stop about chemtrails and energies and detoxifying the body, I honestly could not believe the stuff he came out with. I'm honestly very live and let live but this felt very extreme.. meanwhile my friend literally hangs on his every word, nods in agreement and tells me what an amazing healer he is. He talks non stop and talks as if his opinions are the only right ones.

I want to warn her as he seems very manipulative but I suppose there's nothing I can do- they've got a baby on the way, he's moved in with her etc- I'm just in a bit of disbelief it could have come to this

And how exactly is she avoiding any kind of radiation? Does she not breathe air, walk on the ground, eat food, or drink water?
I'd not be able (or want) to stay friends with an antivaxxer.

Well, a big part of health care and medical training is hands on clinical with (hopefully) supervision. So it's not just book learning.

When things go to hell with this smooth brained bf, she's going to be looking for a lot of support. Honestly, I'd be distancing myself now, due to her knowingly hooking up with a deadbeat who's dumped his kids and she knows is a dumpster fire of extreme fuckery. So I wouldn't be there to help rescue her from some pretty shit choices.

I have known a lot of friends partners who have been really 'woo' over the years, healers, aura photographers, raw food vloggers etc... the men are always creeps. It's always about control over women's bodies. Always a bit of a sexy guru thing where it's ok to touch and be touched and consent is fluid and blah and worship me because I am deep and everyone else is ai...

Yes it's a boring man who thinks he knows more. But also a dangerous man if he thinks he knows more about women's bodies than they, or professionals do.

OP does not sound extreme! Her friend's new partner certainly is though. Anti-vax is an extreme (and deluded) position.

I'm entitled to my opinion and many thanks for sharing yours.

I would think the biggest worries will be if he discourages her from having proper antenatal care, whooping cough jab whilst pregnant (if they still do tho? wc was a huge worry when I was pregnant) or flu jab and I had a brilliant sensible midwife who just told me straight that at 40 home birth wasn’t a realistic option which I really appreciated. I hope you can stay in touch with her despite him being around & be a sensible source of help & support for her x

Steiner is akin to a cult.
I know some adults who have intelligent, professional parents who put them through Steiner. They might have had a happy time as children but they are barely literate and virtually unemployable.

It happens - as in “folly a deux”. There is probably no point in telling her what you think of him, she’s clearly been very easily hooked in. To be honest, I’d let this friendship go.

How can you be sure she'll be a wonderful mother and be so worried about this man's influence?

My concern isn't this but about him influencing my friends decision making and rational thinking around health

I think you'll just have to wait and see.

😂love it, my word of the day, profundity. I'm gonna see if I can drop it, into conversation on nightshift tonight

And why life expectancy was a lot shorter then!

OP, I could have wrote this word for word. If it wasn't for the fact that the male in my story had died last year of cancer, id have thought you were a mutual friend.

My friend turned awful. She sat in the office trying to convince young girls not to become organ donors, called me cruel for "allowing" my mother to have chemotherapy to cure her cancer (she later died anyway), and was very anti abortion. Posting all over her fb how women who have abortions were murderers (she had had 4 in the years i knew her).

She eventually moved to America with her son and married him. Fell pregnant and insisted on no assistance with the birth. When her husband got cancer, he tried to use his home remedies (he was also a natural healer) but this didnt work. Of course neither of them had health insurance and her parents lost their house to pay for his medical treatment. Eventually he decided that healthcare was ok and made arrangements to come to the UK to use the NHS. but he died.

To be fair he isn't the only one and this has been going on for decades. Its not illegal as long as they both agree on the parenting.as for chemtrails well geo engineering is a thing. Rightly or wrongly humans shouldn't mess with technology for the with weather. The earth is millions of years old and has undergone constant change.
You said extreme views I thought 'here we go' Trump, Farage and patriots, musk is my hero and let's have a UK version of ICE. Constantly posting Tommy Robinson and Lawrence fox who posted a pic of himself burning a rainbow flag. That's extreme.

This guy is harmless in comparison and not extreme. Leave them alone. He isn't harming anyone. People go to natural healers all tbe time. Acupuncture is considered one and is perfectly legal.

I’ve got an in law like this. My experience is that the couple grow more alike and there’s nothing you can do.

Yes, I've come across sìmilàr, but the woman in question was looking for someone new to cling on to as a way of getting out of an existing situation she no longer wanted to be in. She chose an absolute plonker. I wont go into detail for fear of outing, but it was along similar lines. Lots of New Age hippie type crap that was utter rubbish. Honestly, I found it hard to keep a straight face with some of the things she came out with that he believed.

The more intelligent people are, the more vulnerable they are to tosh like this. They’re better at rationalising nit-wittery.

He isn’t harming anyone

Wtf?! If he is anti vax and anti medicine in pregnancy and childbirth he could literally be harming his baby and its mother!

I would be worried about the baby if he won't allow vaccinations or medical interventions, but there is nothing you can do until it happens then you might be able to influence your friend if her babies life is at stake.

Avoids any kind of radiation, what kind of radiation? Sunshine, required scans?

I read about it in a trauma book years ago talking about how indigenous people use drumming to overcome elective trauma and unfortunately can’t remember the name of the book.

this article may be of interest

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/talking-about-trauma/201501/the-heart-is-drum-machine-drumming-therapy

You were making fun of men trying to do sOmething psychologically healthy and trying to connect to and support each other. This isnt about him as an individual.

when men believe they are being laughed at for being sensitive or trying to connect to their emotions, they don’t do it. Then they can become emotionally repressed and angry and this can harm women. You are part of the problem.

It sounds as though it could become a coercive control situation. Trapping her with a baby, only his (weird) opinions count, moving in.......red flags everywhere. No idea what you can do now she is stuck with him as baby's father.

I understand what you mean. However plenty of people choose to do that. If the child got very sick they would soon be heading to a doctor.

Holding anti-vaccine views is completely legal in the UK. Nobody will be prosecuted for refusing a vaccine for their child even if it's not what we would choose.

In any case who are you or OP to tell someone what's extreme? ,she's a grown woman and I presume can make her own choices about who she is dating.

That's exactly what I'm worried about too!

Cellphone masts, they've got some kind of device in the house that's supposed to keep radiation out (I've read up on it and there's no scientific backing whatsoever) she avoids flying which is fair enough I suppose
Also they go on about chemtrails and things like this a lot.