AIBU to worry my friend is going nuts? New partner with extreme views

[Bornandbrednz]

This sounds crazy and I can't believe I'm typing this. One of my best friends of many years told me late last year she has a new boyfriend. For context she has had a lot of bad luck in love in recent years. We're both early forties. She doesn't live near me, so visited finally two weeks ago with her new boyfriend and I was so happy for her, until I met him.

She then dropped the bombshell that she's pregnant after only a few months together, he has 4 children from previous marriages, 15 years older and he's also a "natural healer" who is anti Vax, talks non stop about chemtrails and energies and detoxifying the body, I honestly could not believe the stuff he came out with. I'm honestly very live and let live but this felt very extreme.. meanwhile my friend literally hangs on his every word, nods in agreement and tells me what an amazing healer he is. He talks non stop and talks as if his opinions are the only right ones.

I want to warn her as he seems very manipulative but I suppose there's nothing I can do- they've got a baby on the way, he's moved in with her etc- I'm just in a bit of disbelief it could have come to this

Bit dramatic OP.

He sounds like a bore, but there's a lid for every pot as they say.

If she's happy, she's happy 🤷‍♂️

YANBU for feeling worried. But there’s nothing you can actually do. I’m sorry, it a bit rubbish isn’t it. Do you feel you can still be her friend? It will be a bit car crash tV until she wakes up.
I have a friend with an awful partner, she has twins by him, he has two kids from a previous marriage, is always at men’s groups and drumming circles and fondly imagines he’s a gifted piano player and tries to market himself as such. So Embarassing.

Stay in touch, be a friend. She may stay in awe of him and be devoted for ever or she might need help to get away at some point.
My friend since teens (we are in our seventies now) adored her partner even though he was an insufferable bore with delusions of grandeur. She’s in a nursing home now and after forty years with him he’s had everything. Remortgaged her house until they couldn’t pay it any more and it had to be sold just to manage debts that he had incurred Took over her bank account and pension, spent every last penny. Her boys won’t get a thing when she goes. Some people can’t be helped.

But it's not about him being a bore. He's got some really extreme views- no vaccinations at all for their child, from what I've heard he might be pressuring her into a home birth, he doesn't trust medicine or "people who've studied as you've just learnt from a book". He also came up with some complete nonsense about a certain topic and when I told him it was factually incorrect my friend tried to steer the conversation away. She literally agrees with everything he says, it's almost like he's a above and beyond everyone else.

Oh no,I really feel sorry for your friend. Love really does turn people blind!

I just wonder if it's my duty to at least express my concerns, but I don't think she'll understand my point of view at all as she's completely devoted to him

Could it be she was desperate to become a mum, saw it as last chance saloon and trying to give it a go at having a family?

I presume that's probably it.

Maybe you can say ‘ I don’t agree with him, but that’s okay, isn’t it? We don’t all have think the same! ‘ which makes you feel youve been true to yourself.
My friend with the pretentious husband had to move away from her family and friends so as to put the twins in à Steiner school.. he disapproved of normal education. Sigh. It just goes on and on.

Just be around to pick up the pieces.

I lost a friend a few years ago. She got with a misogynistic racist.

She chose to quietly end the friendship because she knew I didn't agree with him. Even though I kept quiet about the things he said/did.

I agree

Oh goodness me I can totally see him doing that!! He's also convinced that the government want to make us all ill as in a plot. Telegram rather than other means of contact etc. I'm just so shocked how she is totally buying into it all

God forbid men talk to each other about their feelings and find support in each others company. Would you say the same about a women’s group? Don’t we always complain men are too violent, angry, emotionally repressed?

Drumming has also shown to have a big impact on trauma and genuinely can heal people and bring connection.

please open your mind as people like you are part of the reason so many men suffer.

Well, when she wakes up and smells.the coffee, she might need a shoulder to cry on. Poor baby having a tit father.

So your friends bad luck in men continues...

lol. You are all self righteous ain’t you. But you’ve never met him, dear. Calm down.

Oh no these are actively harmful beliefs. Not all belief systems are the same.

Surely there are worse things a person can do than take their child out of an educational system that is obsession with exams, grading and putting unbelievable stress on children. Steiner is similar to the Scandinavian model of education and they have the happiest kids in the world.

Christ the judgement on here when someone dares to be slightly different.

christ the judgement from you when I dare to think differently from you. Lol.

I don't get it! She's bright and beautiful. My main concern is how quickly she's internalised his beliefs and now won't hear otherwise

My concern isn't this but about him influencing my friends decision making and rational thinking around health

He's also left his other children behind in different parts of the country to hastily move in with my friend. Granted two are adults but one is a teen who was used to popping in at his dad's whenever he pleased.

She's a grown woman though.

She's made her choice, she's chosen him to have a relationship with, she's having a baby and nothing you can say to her is going to change a thing.

He’s moved into her house? Is he bringing anything to the table financially, or is his only contribution his Profundity?

Unfortunately I don’t think saying anything to her will be in your favour, especially if she is so obsessed with him. It could end in him manipulating her into staying away from you. I’d personally just say you can agree to disagree make your points and move on. Hopefully the hospitals and midwives will educate her properly and support her in whatever she decides to do. He sounds like the kinda guy that’s planting his seed around the country and moving onto the next. All you can do is be there for her if it goes tits up.