AIBU to worry my friend is going nuts? New partner with extreme views

[Bornandbrednz]

This sounds crazy and I can't believe I'm typing this. One of my best friends of many years told me late last year she has a new boyfriend. For context she has had a lot of bad luck in love in recent years. We're both early forties. She doesn't live near me, so visited finally two weeks ago with her new boyfriend and I was so happy for her, until I met him.

She then dropped the bombshell that she's pregnant after only a few months together, he has 4 children from previous marriages, 15 years older and he's also a "natural healer" who is anti Vax, talks non stop about chemtrails and energies and detoxifying the body, I honestly could not believe the stuff he came out with. I'm honestly very live and let live but this felt very extreme.. meanwhile my friend literally hangs on his every word, nods in agreement and tells me what an amazing healer he is. He talks non stop and talks as if his opinions are the only right ones.

I want to warn her as he seems very manipulative but I suppose there's nothing I can do- they've got a baby on the way, he's moved in with her etc- I'm just in a bit of disbelief it could have come to this

He sounds awful but not sure there’s anything you can do except look out for the welfare of the child and perhaps act as a voice of reason on that front to ensure your friend gets ante/postnatal care and try to ensure the child gets their jabs so doesn’t die of dysentery etc.
Here I think try to see you friend on her own occasionally and reassure her that it’s her body and her choice and in the 21st century and at her age medical care is normal and necessary, meds not crystals etc.
If she’s been brought up in the U.K. she surely cannot believe that the man dictates the terms of the birth.

He sounds like a total f-wit.

She’s a big grown woman. No one is taking advantage of her. She knows what she’s doing.

Yeah I mean until their baby dies of a preventable disease. Anti-vax parents are neglectful and I'd be concerned too.

Yes but again, what can the OP do about that?

Nothing 🤷‍♂️

Yes, that says it all. Poor baby.

Oh yeah not much she do, realistically. But her level of concern isn't dramatic.

"...he doesn't trust medicine or 'people who've studied as you've just learnt from a book'..."

I mean, that's literally how human knowledge has been recorded and passed down for centuries, but okay big fella, you know better 👍🏻

Nothing you can do. Free will.

Most home births have a midwife or two, unless he's not going to allow that either? In which case they're being complete idiots and putting both her and her unborn child's lives at risk. I don't object to home births, free birthing (giving birth with no professional help) is another thing entirely. I read recently that c sections increase with the age of the mother, which doesn't surprise me. (My friend had a home birth, although her DS arrived before the midwives got there, thankfully she had a friend with her who helped deliver him.)

Anti vaxxers can fuck right off. Presumably he's against Vitamin K injections as well?

Unfortunately the poor child has no say in the matter.

He's a cocklodger already.

He's gotten his feet under her table, and gotten her pregnant to keep them there.

It'll likely eventually break up, once she's fed up of doing all the 'adulting' to his 'specifications'...while he sits with his feet up because his Aura needs peace & quiet...

People are entitled to their opinions without people with opposing opinions labelling them as 'extreme'.

You sound over invested in their relationship and a bit extreme, yourself.

Some women are very desperate for male companionship. Your friend is one. He sounds weird and yes having a kid so quickly for a man with kids and failed marriages (plural) is a worry but your friend is very much an adult woman so all you can do is let her be. If she was 16/17 then it maybe different.

Oh this is her first. Ok I kind of get it more - desperation to become a mother can push all common sense out the window!

Can you please direct me to the research that proves 'drumming' aids recovery from 'trauma' and can actually heal people?

I'm aware of the research concerning music (rather than just drumming) and its benefits to physical/emotional health, as well as it's effects on plants. So it's just the research concerning drumming specifically I'm after?

My friend's children were Steiner educated. They are all university educated to masters level but have a multitude of other skills too.

If there had been a Steiner school near to me I'd have chosen it for my children (and I'm a teacher).

😂Riiiiight.

My friends children are Steiner educated and felt very let down by the system and came to feel that the Steiner community is White Supremacist and has no provision for disabilities or neurodiversity, and is homophobic. Hey ho, eh.

anti vax nonsense is extreme though. Its incredibly harmful.

Depends on what their reasons are and who can know unless we ask that person, specifically. Too many generalisations and assumptions made to create validation for divisiveness.

Agree. Just because you don’t share the same views doesn’t make them extreme.

I'm concerned because my friend seems to have been brainwashed and parrots him and doesn't appear to have an own opinion anymore. She also doesn't appear to want to go anywhere just her anymore either and avoids any kind of radiation etc

If these were her own opinions I wouldn't even be that worried. I have all kinds of friends with all kinds of opinions and don't usually have a problem with that.

Yeah this.

I agree with you, I've seen women resort to desperate measures as well. I'm sure my friend will be a wonderful mother and I just really hope it all works out for her.
I agree with pp that it I say anything negative at all to her it will likely drive her further away.

Your friend is brainwashed and this is only the beginning. Take a step back as nothing youll say will make a difference. My friend was the same and she would argue with me that my views were wrong and I need wake up . She is no longer my friend shes delusional.